


Anthems

by RyeRiley



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 90's Music, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - High School, Clexa High School, Cliche, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff and Angst, High School AU, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Some Humor, Teenage Dorks, Teenage Drama, Teenagers, clexa au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:01:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 61,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyeRiley/pseuds/RyeRiley
Summary: Anthem: “a usually rousing popular song that typifies or is identified with a particular subculture, movement, or point of view; anthems of teenage angst.”Clarke and Lexa discover their attraction towards each other one summer before they begin their senior year in high school. True to the typical nineties tropes; Clarke is a reserved, straight A geek who is into board games and sci-fi novels and Lexa is the popular rich girl rebelling because 'mommy doesn't love me anymore'. For some reason, their paths collide and they slowly discover that they are more alike than they are different.Go into the motions of unrequited love, crushes, mutual pining, first kisses, coming out and teenage angst superimposed against the pop and alternative music of the era. Inspired by movie plot references such as that of Can't Hardly Wait, A Walk to Remember, and She's All That; Lexa and Clarke experience a summer that would change their outlooks and a senior year that would change their lives.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 147
Kudos: 191





	1. Follow You Down

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for nineties teen movies, so here's a little bit of all the typical tropes. The story is based on tracks or anthems of teenage angst from the same era. I will be posting a few chapters to start us off.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Stop antagonizing your sister, she got your lunch didn’t she?” Clarke contradicted. 
> 
> “I’m starting to notice that you always seem to keep on defending her.” Wells questions Clarke’s reaction.

* * *

Track 1: Follow You Down

Song: Follow You Down

Artist: Gin Blossoms

Released: 1996

Album: Congratulations, I’m Sorry

* * *

A day before summer break of 1997, Arkadia High School grounds

It was high noon, the weather was warm, and students were walking around in their bandana and crop tops, bike shorts and Birkenstocks. School days were almost over, the students scurried across the field and the halls to make plans for the upcoming vacation. Clarke Griffin with her dark rimmed glasses and messy blonde ponytail sat on one of the bleachers in Arkadia High School’s baseball field. She wore khaki capri pants, a faded black Nirvana t-shirt and a pair of dark colored Skechers. She was deeply immersed in her copy of Chuck Palahniuk’s “Fight Club” with headphones on as the recent Gin Blossoms album played in her Discman.

_“Did you see the sky?_

_I think it means that we’ve been lost_

_Maybe one last time is all we need_

_I can’t really help it_

_If my tongue’s all tied in knots_

_Jumping off a bridge is just the farthest_

_That I’ve ever been_

_Anywhere you go, I’ll follow you down_

_Anyplace but those I know by heart_

_Anywhere you go, I’ll follow you down_

_I’ll follow you down, but not that far…”_

She was peacefully enjoying her reading time until someone suddenly yanked at her headphones. “Getting a head start, are we, Griffin?”

It was Wells Jaha, her best friend since middle school. He sat beside her as he put on the headphones that were previously attached to Clarke’s ears. Wells and Clarke started a book club of their own, from classics to science fiction, to mystery novels, to epistolary novels and fantasy books, the duo always had something to talk about after class. First on their list for their summer reading was “Fight Club”.

Wells was always mannerly and amiable being the son of a popular realtor in Arkadia, Thelonious Jaha, while Clarke was typically obscure and reclusive, mostly being alone since her mother Abby Griffin was always away being head nurse at the Kane Memorial Hospital. However, despite being opposites, they always enjoyed some playful banter. Based on first impressions, Clarke thought that Wells was a bit obnoxious being overly friendly and without much respect to personal space, however, after sitting beside him in art class in sixth grade, they realized that they had a lot in common and were inseparable ever since. Wells continued to sit there quietly as he bobbed his head to the tune blasting in the headphones. Wells wore a striped t-shirt and a baggy pair of denim pants which always somehow looked neatly pressed, his hair was spiky and gelled and his navy blue Jansport backpack still dangled over his shoulders.

Suddenly, another boy with a bowl cut, wearing overalls with a strap down over a red graphic t-shirt approached them. He placed his backpack on one of the seats and slumped on Clarke’s other side.

“Why, hello super Mario brother!” Wells greeted teasingly, pointing at the boy’s clothes.

The boy shrugged Wells off and sat beside them. “Gaaah, my trigonometry exam was a bummer!” The boy exclaimed. 

“C’mon, dude, I think is not that bad.” Wells took off the headphones to console his friend.

“Yeah, as if, by ‘bummer’ he probably meant that he’ll be getting an A-“Clarke chuckled as she stuffed a bookmark to her paperback putting an arm over her friend, Monty’s shoulder.

With a bond built upon their shared interest in Super Mario World, Streetfighter, and The Simpsons, they spent most of their childhood and teenage life in Clarke’s basement with their other friend, Monty Green. Monty on the other hand, was more of a The Legend of Zelda and Magic: The Gathering enthusiast. He would sometimes join Magic cards tournaments and earn some money. The trio were branded as geeks by most of their peers at school, usually being ignored in the social arena, but all three performed well academically and were typically favored by most of their teachers. Clarke excelled in literature, foreign languages and the arts; Wells was good in mathematics, economics and history; and Monty was brilliant in both the natural and the applied sciences.

“So, is your new family headed somewhere for the summer, Wells? I heard that the rich usually spend their vacations in chateaus in the south of France.” Monty joked, reaching over Clarke to poke Wells by the shoulder.

Monty was referring to the current change in Wells’ family composition. It was just last winter when his father, Thelonious, remarried after his mother died from breast cancer about three years ago. From being neighbors in a cozy middle class community in Arkadia, Wells and his father have moved further south of Arkadia in one of the modern dwellings in the suburbs. Wells’ father married a business magnate who owned a furniture manufacturing firm, Indra Woods. The Woods, together with the Kanes and the Murphies were some of Arkadia’s highly influential families. They all came from old money and had entrepreneurs, lawyers, politicians and doctors among them.

“Nope, no fancy vacations as far as I know. Father will be accompanying Indra in a business trip to Singapore,” Wells replied, he never spoke ill of his step-mother but he never really acknowledged her as his new mother either.

“So, we can hang out at your place then? There’s this Magic cards tournament coming up and I need some help building my new deck!” Monty cheered.

“Yeah, you should help Monty build his deck, Wells!” Clarke bantered playfully.

“Whatever, Clarke! You guys can come over, probably, as long as we stay in the game room and out of Lexa’s way, she usually has her friends by the pool.” Wells thought out loud.

Clarke froze upon hearing Lexa’s name. “She’s going to be around all summer?” Clarke inquired almost inaudibly. Clarke couldn’t place it but she has always had that awkward reaction every time she hears Lexa’s name.

“Yeah, I heard that her friends are sticking around as well. With her mom away, the Murphy twins are coaxing her to throw a party.” Wells explained nonchalantly.

Lexa was Wells’ step-sister, they were of the same age and the same class. Indra had Lexa when she turned 35 and thought that she wouldn’t marry anymore. Lexa was born through artificial insemination; Indra had her eggs frozen when she was 24 years old believing that the best genetic traits are passed on at that prime age. Via an anonymous sperm donor, Lexa was conceived and was raised by Indra alone. Both mother and daughter were known to be independent and strong-willed. Until Indra met Thelonious, then she became tolerant and bent to Thelonious’ will. Then, Lexa did not just adjust to having a male figure around the house; she also needed to adjust to having a brother, in the person of Wells. Lexa and Wells never met eye to eye as Lexa was always against Indra’s relationship with Thelonious. Wells also thought that Lexa was too snobbish and critical and Lexa always found Wells being such a people-pleaser and entitled. Wells often invited Clarke and Monty over and Lexa never bothered to mingle with them even if they went to the same school. The step-siblings had an unspoken understanding to stay out of each other’s way.

“I heard that John and Niylah always throw the best parties. I hope I get invited to one of those. How come your sister never invites us, Wells?” Monty wondered downheartedly.

John and Niylah are the infamous Murphy twins. Like the Woods clan, the Murphies are industrialists, John and Niylah’s family own a shoe factory while their grandparents own a chain of medical supplies stores all over Arkadia. The Murphies were old money and are even wealthier than the Woods; the twins are sometimes dropped off in a Jaguar to school while Lexa has a 1986 Ford Mustang. Clarke supposes that with their influence, Lexa, John and Niylah can probably afford to go to any Ivy League school that they want in college without worrying for a scholarship. Wells might also have that same privilege now that he’s family but she and Monty should work twice as hard due to the financial circumstances of their families.

“That’s because Lexa probably hates his guts.” Clarke diverted her thoughts to the ongoing conversation, nudging Monty in the process.

“We just agree to disagree, anyway, it’s a good thing that we don’t get invited to these parties. They’re lame anyway, people just get drunk and have shameless sex, what’s so special about that, right Clarke?” Wells contemplated.

Clarke and Monty both gave each other a knowing look. Since the trio were branded as geeks at school, they always remain in the side lines and now that their junior year was over, they both yearned to be invited to a proper high school party somehow.

“Aside from mingling with other kids at school and probably losing your virginity in the process to some drunk nobody who doesn’t care any less, I suppose there’s nothing more to it.” Monty spat back sarcastically.

“Is that your fantasy, Monty?” Clarke smiled mischievously, a bit surprised with her friend’s comment. “Well, even if I’m interested, we won’t get invited to those things since you two are such nerds!” Clarke joked.

“Says the nerd with a 4.0 GPA!” Monty countered.

As the trio continued to talk and joke around, they failed to notice a slim figure approaching them at the bleachers.

“I’ve been looking all over for you.” A deep female voice interrupted.

Clarke’s gaze was drawn to the figure standing in front of them. Her brown hair parted in the middle flowed in soft waves, her emerald green eyes glimmered under the sun, and she wore a red flannel over her crop top and acid wash jean shorts and a pair of Doc Martens.

“Speaking of the she-devil…” Wells murmured inaudibly.

Clarke froze at her seat; she had no puns or iterations to add to Wells’ words. Lexa walked closer to them slowly, Clarke thought that she was almost drifting or gliding. She was light-footed like and elf, Clarke thought, she could probably sneak up on anybody. Clarke always encountered Lexa since they started hanging out at the Woods’ residence. There was one time when she got lost along the hallways of the Woods’ modern home looking for the toilet in her first visit. She almost got into Lexa’s room at the end of the hall, but the brunette caught her in the hallway and directed her to the upper floor toilet in one of the guest rooms. Another time was when she went to the kitchen to get some ice while Monty and Wells were playing video games at the game room. Lexa was at the kitchen eating a sandwich, somewhat staring out at the glass windows aimlessly towards the yard where the pool was. As Clarke proceeded towards the refrigerator to announce her entry to the kitchen by coughing, Lexa immediately got up from the kitchen counter and moved to finish her sandwich by the pool deck. They never spoke to each other, Lexa always kept to herself when she was around. Wells told her that when he and his father moved in with Indra and Lexa, Lexa was fuming, she never liked the arrangement, and she was always skeptical about Thelonious. Wells detested her for always being so hostile around his father. Lexa was raised by Indra alone, Wells thought that Lexa was probably resistant towards male authority in their home. But Clarke simply found Lexa as basically enigmatic. Clarke actually shared the same classes with Lexa since they were in fourth grade. Lexa probably never noticed that. Due to their social circles, they never crossed paths, until now.

“What did you say?” Lexa perfectly heard what Wells had said but she decided to let it slide for now. She had better things to do than argue with her arrogant stepbrother.

“Nothing, I was just wondering why you were looking for me?” Wells stood up from his seat beside Clarke.

“You forgot your lunch, mom asked me to consider taking it to you.” Lexa shoved the lunch bag towards Wells.

Wells had many food allergies growing up, especially to different types of nuts and some spices like cinnamon and cumin. To avoid being put at risk, Indra somehow took note of Wells special meal plans and have one of their help prepare meals for him. Not being used to it, Wells had forgotten his lunch bag this time.

“Well, thank you for considering…” Wells cautiously took the bag from Lexa.

“Okay, I’m also here to tell you that I wouldn’t be able to give you a ride home today as mom had instructed since I’ll be meeting Roan after school.” Lexa continued.

“I’ll find ways to get home.” Wells answered dismissively.

“I’ll give him a ride home.” Clarke interjected, getting a knowing look from Wells.

“Hmm, that’s settled then.” Without much ado, Lexa walked away from the trio.

“What was that about?” Monty asked nosily.

“Just Lexa being her bitchy self, I guess.” Wells answered irritably.

“Stop antagonizing your sister, she got your lunch didn’t she?” Clarke contradicted. 

“I’m starting to notice that you always seem to keep on defending her.” Wells questions Clarke’s reaction.

“What? Maybe that’s because she’s not here to defend herself. Plus, as far as I know, you haven’t taken any effort to get to know her, really. We could give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she’s just mad that her mother’s attention is divided all of the sudden.” Clarke tries to enlighten Wells.

“Clearly, Clarke, you haven’t seen how she makes life at home such a living hell.” Wells manages to argue.

“My point is that maybe she’s just misunderstood, maybe you just need to talk to her more.” Clarke explained.

“If I hadn’t known better, this discussion is making me feel like you might have a genuine concern for Lexa.” Monty jokingly interjected.

“Shut up, Monty!” Wells was suddenly hotheaded.

“And now, you fume at your friends, take it easy, Wells.” Clarke suddenly tries to pacify the situation.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I’ll try to be better to Lexa next time. It’s just she’s always on my back at home, feels like she’s waiting for me to do something stupid and make sure that she’s there to point it out in case it happens.” Wells apologized and the other two gave him sympathetic smiles.

“Too many words, man, you’ve got bottled up feelings there.” Monty added.

“Now, how about getting some lunch?” Wells tried to change the subject.

“You’re not gonna eat that?” Monty pointed to his lunch bag.

“Nope, this is probably some bland gourmet stuff.” Wells peaked into the bag.

“I’ll take it!” Monty cheered.

“You know you should learn to appreciate having a concerned mother around.” Clarke reminded Wells.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Wells handed the lunch bag to Monty and the pair started to walk towards the cafeteria.

Clarke followed the duo shaking her head, unconvinced of Wells’ unfriendliness towards his stepsister. Looking across the courtyard, Clarke notices Lexa with her boyfriend, Roan making out in one of the benches. _Yeah, maybe in some alternate universe, she and Lexa might totally be different people._ With that thought, she jogged to catch up with her friends, ignoring that intriguing idea. _What was she even thinking?_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think of this so far?


	2. Ironic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you mean?” By this time Lexa pulled her hand away from Roan.
> 
> “You acting like this! Being so bossy and domineering all the time!” Roan exclaimed.
> 
> “What? What are you talking about?” Lexa was starting to get impatient.
> 
> “Stop making me look bad, Lexa. It already looks as bad as it is. People talk about us!” Roan cried out.

* * *

Track 2: Ironic

Song: Ironic

Artist: Alanis Morissette

Released: 1995

Album: Jagged Little Pill

* * *

A day before summer break of 1997, south of Arkadia

It was around five o’clock in the afternoon, Lexa’s car zoomed across the empty streets of the greenbelts of Arkadia. The asphalt burnt and she was almost beyond the speed limit. But she was furious, she could only step on the gas pedal so hard, the car could fly. A song boomed from her car speakers:

_It's like rain on your wedding day_

_It's a free ride when you've already paid_

_It's the good advice that you just didn't take_

_Who would've thought, it figures_

_Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you_

_When you think everything's okay and everything's going right_

_And life has a funny way of helping you out when_

_You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up_

_In your face_

Alanis Morissette’s voice reverberated from the car stereo. Lexa wanted to scream, she could feel every word from that song. She thought that on their last day of school, she could finally relax. That after all of the stupid things that happened to her the past few months: her mother’s marriage to a salacious scumbag, the said scumbag moving in with his insufferable insecure son to their house and her mother being away more often than before; things might finally slow down for her. However, things only got worse than anticipated.

And things just took a 360-degree turn just about an hour ago.

* * *

_Around 4:30PM at the Arkadia High School parking lot._

_Lexa and Roan walked hand in hand towards Lexa’s car. She could feel the prying eyes of the people at the parking lot. To most people, they were the “it” couple, the beautiful rich girl and the popular jock. They had always managed on put on a show, the PDAs in the hallways, people craved for it. Roan loved all the attention but Lexa thought otherwise, she just thinks that’s it all part of dating someone popular._

_It was the last day of school for most of them, but for Roan, it was going to be his last day at high school. Roan was a year older than Lexa and he was graduating this year. Despite all her issues at home, Lexa felt that she had school as some sort of escape. Everything worked out at school, her grades were good, she was relatively popular (even if she detests all the unwanted attention), and of course, she has the athletic, charming, eye-candy senior for her boyfriend. Through a basketball scholarship, Roan was headed to North Carolina for college after summer. So, being the great girlfriend that she is, Lexa prepared for a going away party for Roan at her house, of course, with the help of the Murphy twins. Just bring in John Murphy to your home and you’re assured of having the music, the booze and the people for an event to remember._

_“So, do you have everything?” Lexa asked Roan as he placed his duffle bag at the backseat._

_“Well, I cleared out my locker today, I can’t believe I’m graduating.” Roan mumbled as he arranged his things in the backseat._

_Roan was the textbook boyfriend in Lexa eyes, he was tall, muscular, and attractive. Even with just his hair, he was already such a heartthrob at school; it was cut into a bob and he often wore it pushed back with the fringe hanging down slightly. He also had this trimmed stubble beard that completed his boy next door look. Roan changed into a clean white t-shirt, from the back of the car. Lexa took a little peep from the rear view mirror to examine Roan further. She realized that she never liked his chest and arm hair, she finds it a little itchy and rough most of the time. But then, Roan was the cliché boyfriend most girls in their high school would dream of. If girls weren’t so intimidated of Lexa and what harm she could do to them, a lot of them would probably be all over Roan for the past years. But of course, Lexa knows that Roan does flirt around whenever she’s away. She just hopes that’s all there is and nothing else._

_“Are you ready? We’ll get some take-out and I’ll just need to pick up something at home before we head to the movies.” Lexa lied, as far as Roan knows, they were headed for a date in a drive-in movie. But the take-out is just a delaying tactic and passing by her house would only mean that the surprise party was already waiting for Roan._

_“Yeah, I think I am.” Roan got into the passenger seat and pulled at his seatbelt. Before Lexa could start the car, Roan suddenly grabbed her hand. “Hey, Lex, can I tell you something?”_

_Sensing that there was something wrong, Lexa turned to Roan, leaving the keys at the ignition. “Sure, anything.” Lexa replied with a pursed smile._

_“But before I say anything, promise me you won’t overreact.” Roan squeezed her hand._

_“C’mon dude, I never overreact.” Lexa retorted but she paused to think twice. “Wait, do I overreact?”_

_Realizing that it was probably a trick question, Roan cautiously replies, “No, I’m just saying that you should not overreact to what I’m about to say.”_

_“Okay…I’m listening.” Lexa tried to keep herself calm._

_“Well…ehem” Roan cleared his throat, he was still holding Lexa’s hand. “We’ve been together for two years now, right?”_

_“Why do you seem unsure?” Lexa laughed, hoping that Roan won’t say anything she’s not ready for, like say “I love you” or propose for marriage. Roan always has that tendency to be over the top._

_Taking their relationship to the next level was the furthest thing in Lexa’s mind. Of course, they have been dating that long but she still doubts it if she really does love Roan since they are a bit unremarkable and he hasn’t proven it to her yet._

_“Sorry, let me start again.” Roan continues, Lexa senses that his palms were getting sweaty now. “So, we’ve been together for two years and it had always been fun. In a few months, I’ll be in college and you’ll have a year left here at Arkadia. So, I hear that college can be a little tough, all the distance, the adjustments, the changes…”_

_“We have cellphones now, you know.” Lexa suddenly interjected. Her gut was suddenly telling her that Roan was up to something she wouldn’t like._

_“Yeah, I know we talked about making it work but…” Roan spoke up._

_“But what, Roan?” Lexa suddenly started to unconsciously raise her voice._

_“This is why! This is what’s making it so damn hard!” Roan reacted to Lexa’s tone._

_“What do you mean?” By this time Lexa pulled her hand away from Roan._

_“You acting like this! Being so bossy and domineering all the time!” Roan exclaimed._

_“What? What are you talking about?” Lexa was starting to get impatient._

_“Stop making me look bad, Lexa. It already looks as bad as it is. People talk about us!” Roan cried out._

_“Since when did I make you look bad?” Lexa raised an eyebrow at Roan, challenging his claim._

_“People are laughing at me behind my back. Yes, I’m this jock, I’m this star player, girls run after me I have this popular, hot, rich girlfriend that they can’t compete with. But I always have to lie, right?” Roan relates. “The boys mock me at the locker room and I used to survive just shrugging it off because they fear me. All the PDAs at the field may convince them, but I’m going to college, Lexa, I can’t lie about this anymore.” Roan continues._

_“What are you talking about, Roan?” At this point Lexa was confused._

_“You know what I mean!” Roan gave Lexa a resentful look. “I can’t go to college as a virgin!”_

_Lexa almost laughed at the thought, though she was trying to understand Roan’s virile needs, she found the entire scenario true good to be true._

_“Let me get this straight, you’re saying that I need to put out or what?” Lexa challenged._

_“You’re too stuck up, Lex. You’re too full of yourself. This is hopeless.” Roan raised his arms as if in admission of defeat. “We need to break-up.”_

_“What? You’re breaking up with me because I’m not yet ready to have sex with you? Haven’t we talked about this already?” Lexa was flabbergasted. “Honestly, I think it’s clear that we don’t even love each other, do you love me?”_

_“I don’t know, but all I know is, I gotta get this over with. You don’t understand the pressure, Lex. I can’t cheat on you, I’m not like that but I gotta do it before college.” Roan continues to defend himself. “I can’t keep making things up, people will find out eventually.”_

_“So, you’ve been telling people that we’ve done it?” Lexa was stunned by this news._

_“I did not really confirm it but when they imply it or they ask, I don’t deny it either. Think of my reputation, these guys look up to me. Gosh, even our water boy Quentin has done it already with that library girl Charlotte.” Roan explains._

_“So, you keep lying on my expense to save your sorry ass?” Lexa was infuriated, Roan has intentionally put her in this situation. “So, if I don’t fuck you tonight, that’s it, we’re done?”_

_“Wait, what, are you considering it?” Roan suddenly caught on Lexa’s words._

_“Fuck you, Roan, get out of my car…” Lexa muttered in a low tone._

_“Wait, Lex, you can still help me out, we still have time.” Roan almost begs._

_“I said, get out of my car! Fuck you, go hump some willing slut!” With that Lexa shoves Roan out of the car and throws his duffle bag out on the parking lot pavement._

_Unknown to the couple, a small crowd was formed around the parking lot witnessing the scene unfold before them. As Lexa backs out the parking lot, she spots a small group of Roan’s teammates hanging out by the curb._

_“Hey boys, party at my place tonight and to clear things up, yes, I really am a stuck up bitch and Roan’s still a virgin by the way!” Lexa exclaimed for everyone to hear._

_With that Lexa drives out in top speed, leaving a disoriented Roan to pick up his stuff and a crowd of boys hollering after her._

* * *

“Thanks for giving me a ride home, Clarke.” Wells told Clarke from the passenger seat.

As neighbors, Monty still catches a ride with Clarke, however, this time they needed to drive Wells to the other side of Arkadia. Indra has already offered a car to Wells, but Wells still hasn’t touched it in the garage because it was Lexa’s old car. Just to avoid conflict, either Thelonious gives Wells a ride or Lexa does, against her will, of course. So, this afternoon, the trio squeezed themselves into Clarke’s Nissan Micra.

“Sooner or later, you should start driving, Wells. You live in the other side now.” Clarke jokes.

“Or better yet, you should ask one of your chauffeurs.” Monty comments from the backseat.

“Indra has chauffeurs, Monty, not us. Plus, if Lexa won’t take me, I can always take the bus.” Wells retorts.

In contrast to the cookie-cutter layouts in Clarke and Monty’s neighborhood, this part of Arkadia was filled with housing for the affluent, mansions and modern structures lined the almost empty streets. As they neared the Woods residence, the music was already booming across yards of greenery. Several cars which Clarke recognized occupied the driveway of the Woods home.

“So, they’re having the party today.” Clarke whispered as she slowed down in front of the dwelling.

“Of course, why not today, father and Indra had already left and she forgot to tell me.” Wells struggles with his backpack as he moves to get out of the vehicle.

“Hey, hey, hey, Jaha Junior! You’re home! Where’s your sister?” The magnanimous John Murphy greets Wells by the door as he directs a group of boys carrying kegs of beers and boxes of liquor to head to the kitchen. He stood there like a young Hugh Hefner in front of the playboy mansion, he wore a loose button down with two undone buttons by the chest area, a pair of baggy denims, and his hair was neatly combed back affixed with a lot of hair gel.

“Stay out of my way, I’ll stay of yours.” Wells mumbles as he stands in front of the house.

“Woah, no need to be aggressive. Lexa’s right, you’re a feisty one.” Murphy moves to pat his back. “We’re just having a party, why not join the festivities?” Murphy gives him a big smile.

“We’re invited?” Monty cries from the driveway as he moves to the passenger seat to sit in front with Clarke.

Wells mentally scolds himself in almost forgetting that his friends were still parked at the driveway.

“Isn’t that Griffin and Green? Oh, the dream team’s complete.” Murphy’s attention was focused on the duo. “C’mon, join the fun!” Murphy approached the vehicle.

“Isn’t this something exclusive?” Clarke mumbled under her breath as she kept her hands on the steering wheel.

“C’mon, you’re family. Jaha Junior is one of the property-owners now, you’re his sidekicks that means you’re family.” Murphy opened the car door to motion Clarke and Monty to get inside.

“It’s alright, guys, let’s go inside.” Wells signaled Clarke and Monty to follow him.

“That’s the spirit, bro! The more the merrier!” Murphy gives Wells another pat on the back.

“Touch me again and I’ll strangle you!” Wells threatens Murphy.

Before Murphy could even react with more banter, Lexa’s car zoomed into the driveway almost hitting Clarke and Monty who were getting out of Clarke’s Nissan. Good thing that the duo got out of the way in time.

“Aaaaaaaah!” Lexa got out of her car fuming. She slammed the door of her Mustang and stormed towards the house.

“Hey, hey, hey, are you okay?” There was a sudden shift in Murphy’s tone; somehow, he sensed that whatever happened to Lexa could have been something serious. Suddenly, he noticed Roan’s absence. “Wait, where’s Roan?”

“I broke up with that moron!” Lexa screamed in annoyance.

“What? What do you mean you broke up? What about the party?” Murphy asked worriedly.

“What about the party? You got all the booze, right?” Lexa paused for a while to confirm that there’s still going to be a party.

“Hahah! You almost got me there!” Murphy grabbed a bottle of vodka from one of the boxes by the door and handed it to Lexa. “But let’s go, let’s talk about that chimp, Niylah’s inside.” Murphy directed Lexa towards the entrance door.

Suddenly, Lexa noticed that Wells, Clarke and Monty were all staring in confusion, unmoving by the doorway. She paused in front of them and stared at their curious faces.

“Why are you still standing there? C’mon step-brother, get your friends inside.” Lexa pinched Wells’ right cheek her voice filled with sarcasm. Wells immediately swatted her away. “Let’s start this summer with a bang!” Lexa exclaimed as she entered the house with Murphy in tow, raising the bottle of vodka up in the air.

“Is Lexa alright? She’s not her typical stoic self.” Monty tugged on Wells’ sleeve.

“Did you listen to what she said? She broke up with Roan.” Wells’ replied.

 _She broke up with Roan._ It resonated into Clarke’s thoughts. But what does that even mean? Anyway, she needs to focus now; they finally got invited to a high school party.

“Hey, Clarke, since you’re the designated driver, you shouldn’t drink. Oh boy, partying at the Woods’ this is going to be cool! Oh, Wells, can I use your phone first? I gotta call my mom.” Monty was the most excited one among the three.

“Let’s go, I have one in my room upstairs.” Wells beckoned Monty to follow.

“C’mon, Clarke, you should call you mom too!” Monty reminded her and in that note, the trio entered the house, realizing that they were incidentally dragged along to the first party of the summer.

* * *

“He said what?” Niylah almost spit most of her drink on Lexa’s area rug.

Murphy, Niylah and Lexa had already moved to the privacy of Lexa’s room to talk, since more and more people were arriving downstairs. The music was booming at the ground floor, _Meredith Brooks’ Bitch_ echoes from the speakers, muffled behind the door of Lexa’s room. Niylah sits comfortably on Lexa’s bed with her back rested on the headboard. Niylah wore a black backless top and a pair of black jeans. Lexa rested her head effortlessly on Niylah’s stomach as Niylah strokes her forehead slowly. Lexa’s body is stretched out on her bed, leaving Murphy on the floor with his back against the side of the bed.

Lexa’s bedroom was airy, flanked by two windows that met at the corner of the room. The room had walnut wooden floor boards and a big area rug next to the bed. The walls were lined up with band posters like Nirvana and Gin Blossoms. A big tuxedo arm sofa was edged to the wall to serve as Lexa’s reading area. Despite the eclectic decoration, everything was kept tidy.

“That we should have sex before he leaves for college.” Lexa reiterates.

“What a loser! But hey, at least he’s honest about it.” Murphy laughs.

“Did you know about this? Guys know about locker room talk!” Niylah throws a pillow at her brother.

“Have you seen me around those nasty smelling lockers?” Murphy remarks in disgust.

“You’re too vain for comfort, brother.” Niylah throws another pillow at Murphy’s way. “But we really haven’t heard that he told people that you guys were already having sex.” Niylah continued.

“Well, I made sure that everyone at that parking lot knew.” Lexa confided.

“But if you don’t mind me asking, why haven’t you guys done it, anyway? He’s okay and you’ve been dating for two years.” Niylah comments.

“Well, that’s it, actually!” Lexa stands upright. “He’s okay, he’s just okay. I don’t want it to just be okay.” Lexa emphasizes.

“Should I even be here for this?” Murphy senses his awkwardness being the only boy in the room.

“Not that I don’t want to confide with you but if this bothers you, you could go flirt with your girls outside instead.” Lexa tells Murphy.

“Thank you! Thank you! My ears had been bleeding. But this doesn’t mean that I don’t love you!” Murphy stands up abruptly and kisses Lexa on the forehead as he leaves the room.

“Hey, we needed a male perspective here, you moron!” Niylah yelled after her brother.

“You can handle it, sis. I’m missing out on the party.” Murphy replied as he disappeared towards the hallway shutting the bedroom door behind him.

Once Murphy has left the room, Lexa gives Niylah a knowing look and returns to sit beside her, resting her head on Niylah’s shoulder.

“Are you sure that’s all there is to it, Lex?” Niylah asks placing an arm over Lexa’s shoulder.

“What do you mean?” Lexa looks up to Niylah.

“I mean maybe it’s not just because you think Roan’s mediocre, I mean maybe because it’s Roan?” Niylah clarifies.

“I don’t follow…” Lexa shakes her head in confusion.

“Maybe because he’s a guy, Lexa.” Niylah points out.

Suddenly, it dawned at Lexa, if there was one person who knew her more than her mother, it was Niylah.

“C’mon, do you think this still has something to do with what happened to us at sixth grade?” Lexa recalls in reluctance. “It was a one-time thing.”

Lexa was referring to their first kiss at the girl’s bathroom when they were in sixth grade. Lexa was having a bad day because her cat died, so she locked herself up in a bathroom stall crying her heart out. Niylah went after her to comfort her and in the middle of their exchange, Niylah suddenly moved to kiss Lexa. It was a brief but earnest kiss, it was of comfort and love not of sensuality and yearning. But it had changed so many things for both girls, they left that bathroom with a new perspective about themselves that day. As they grew up, it was established and confirmed that the love that they felt for each other was that of genuine friendship and nothing more. So, they kept that moment to themselves, locked away as a profound memory. Only for Niylah to bring it up again to answer Lexa’s current predicament.

“Oh, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it?” Niylah probed.

“Well, it bothered me, for sure, but aren’t we over it?” Lexa looked intently into Niylah, searching for answers.

“Well, if you ask me, I’m beyond it and I realized what’s good for me. But how about you? Do you know what’s good for you?” Niylah questioned.

“Honestly, I don’t know yet.” Lexa replied.

“I guess, it has everything to do with your disinterest in Roan. Look, people our age might jump the gun with their uncontrolled hormones. Ask my brother, he’s an expert on that topic. But you had been holding off for a long time, you haven’t even considered it, have you?” Niylah explained.

“All I know is that I don’t want to do it with Roan, it just feels off.” Lexa confirms. “But I do hate him for spreading rumors about us!”

“Well, I can’t argue with you, he’s really such an asshole in that department.” Niylah established. “So, how about let’s go downstairs and drown your sorrows and confusion with some more vodka!” Niylah offered her hand to Lexa.

“Yeah! To hell with Roan!” Lexa exclaimed as she grabbed on to Niylah.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can try listening to each track while you read each chapter. Enjoy!


	3. Criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There’s more to me than meets the eye.” Clarke mentally scolds herself for repeating such a catchphrase. Somehow talking to Lexa makes her tongue-tied or probably just a little bit dumb.
> 
> “Remind me to talk to your more often then.” The sultriness in Lexa’s voice has suddenly changed the mood in the room. Not to mention that Clarke remains motionless with Lexa’s closeness, noting that the brunette shifts her stare from Clarke’s eyes to her lips.

* * *

Track 3: Criminal

Song: Criminal

Artist: Fiona Apple

Released: 1996

Album: Tidal

* * *

On-going party at the Woods’ Residence, 11:45 PM

“Muphy! Murphy! Murphy!”

The party was already on its highpoint; in the deck next to the Woods’ swimming pool, a crowd of high school students have gathered. John Murphy’s legs are held up by two other boys and he is on a headstand while attempting to drink as much as he can from a beer keg. The crowd roars as Murphy took his last slurp and bounces on his feet with a burp.

“Your turn Jaha Junior!” A smiling Murphy taunts.

This was Wells’ first time on a keg stand, a worried Clarke tries to stop him but his tanked-up self seems to be too determined to outdo John Murphy.

“C’mon Wells, sit this one out. You’ll regret it in the morning.” Clarke tried to warn her friend.

“Cool it, Clarke. This might probably get that moron off my back.” An almost fumbling Wells tells Clarke as he walks towards the keg as if offering himself up as sacrifice.

“Jaha, Jaha, Jaha!” The crowd erupts into a cheer.

“Whatever!” Clarke raises her hands in submission and removes herself from the circle as Wells is being held up into a keg stand.

Realizing that she has lost Wells into the mainstream crowd of the party, she explores the house looking for Monty. With John Murphy leading the main events of the party, Clarke realized that the other hosts seem to be MIA. There is no sign of Niylah or Lexa anywhere in the ground floor. Clarke suddenly spots Monty in the living room; he was performing some choreographed dance moves to the 69 Boyz’s “Tootsee Roll”.

_“To the left, to the left, to the right, to the right…_

_To the front, to the front, to the back, to the back,_

_Now dip baby dip, come on dip baby dip, dip baby dip,_

_Just dip baby dip, Just dip, cotton candy free to go,_

_Let me see that tootsee roll…”_

The song just went on and on as a slightly woozy Monty was entertaining a small crowd in the living area. It was fascinating to see one of her friends having the time of his life. This was the reason why Monty craved to go to parties, to show off his dance moves.

On the other hand, being the designated driver meant that while Monty was intoxicated, Clarke could only partake of the soda and chips. Realizing that her bladder has reached its limit with all her soda intake, she heads to the nearest toilet in the ground floor. The Woods’ residence had two powder rooms in the ground floor; it also had two bathrooms inside the two guests’ rooms in the top floor. After spending time in Wells’ new house and getting lost in her first visit, Clarke took an effort to memorize the house’s layout as not to awkwardly bump into Lexa again. As Clarke heads for the powder room near the living room, she realized that there was a long queue already. So, she goes to the one between the dining room and the kitchen, there was no queue, but she eventually found out why. Upon entering, she was greeted by a foul smell and she ran away without bothering to look at all the puke that was all over the floor. Clarke’s other options were the guest room bathrooms. She struggled to get to the upper floor; the house was already getting too crowded. There were people by the staircase; a couple was engaged in a lip lock, a girl was comforting her bawling friend and others were simply chatting with solo cups on hand up until the landing. Clarke proceeded to the first guest room and realized that the door was locked. So, she continued to the second guest room, the door was shut and she could hear voices in hushed gasps and panting. Discovering that the guest rooms were all occupied, she could only hope that Wells’ had left his bedroom unlocked. As she carried on towards the opposite wing where Wells’ bedroom was, the crowd started to thin. This was the wing where the Master bedroom, Wells’ bedroom and Lexa’s bedroom were located. Earlier in the party, Murphy had already declared these areas as off limits. Since she had already been to Wells’ bedroom and knew that it had an en suite as well, Clarke headed towards that direction.

The loud music from the ground floor was already muffled in this part of the house. The hallway had wooden floor boards and was lined with abstract paintings and modern looking sculptures that were encased in glass shelves illuminated with soft lights coming from the wall washers and track lighting. As Clarke reached Wells’ bedroom, she was thankful that the door was unlocked. She formed a beeline towards Wells’ bathroom and was relieved that the party-goers were respectful enough not to trash that part of the house. She could only imagine Indra’s fury, if she comes home to a house of defaced artworks and puke-filled bathrooms, vandalized by horny teenagers. After using the bathroom, she made sure to close the door behind her.

As she was headed back to the party, she was suddenly at a standstill when she heard a sniffling noise coming from the nearby room. The door was slightly left ajar and a thin beam of light slithered from the doorframe. Clarke knew whose room it was; she knew that whatever was happening behind that door was none of her business. She was in no position to pry, but nonetheless, she was worried. _Just a small peak, just to make sure she’s okay,_ Clarke thought to herself. She tiptoed towards Lexa’s room, _what was she thinking? Should she just make sure that Lexa’s alright? Should she just confirm that she’s not alone?_ But as Clarke debated with herself, she got closer and closer towards Lexa’s bedroom door. Being just a feet away, she could hear some music droning from inside the room, it was Fiona Apple’s song, Criminal:

_“I’ve been a bad, bad girl_

_I’ve been careless with a delicate man_

_And it’s a sad, sad world_

_When a girl will break a boy_

_Just because she can_

_Don’t you tell me to deny it_

_I’ve done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins_

_I’ve come to you cause I need guidance to be true_

_And I don’t know where I can begin_

_What I need is a good defense_

_Cause I’m feelin’ like a criminal_

_And I need to be redeemed_

_To the one I’ve sinned against_

_Because he’s all I ever knew of love”_

Then suddenly, there was a loud crash coming from Lexa’s bedroom. As if it was a knee-jerk reaction, Clarke rushed into the room without thinking twice. As Clarke was unexpectedly inside the room, her shocked reaction was only greeted by a more surprised reaction from Lexa.

As if like a deer caught in headlights, Clarke could only muster an “I’m sorry. I just used the bathroom at Wells’ room when I heard some noise.”

Lexa was settled at the foot of her bed, with her back on the footboard. Her long brown mane was a little bit disheveled, her mascara seem to blotch all over her face indicating that she was crying, and she was already in her sleeping clothes, a pair of matched silk pajamas with a black and white print of small sheep. The loud crashing noise appears to have come from a Magic eight-ball toy that Lexa tossed towards her dresser drawer hitting a picture frame that held a photo of her together with Roan. The Magic eight-ball rolled onto the floor with an answer reading “Outlook not so good” in it along with the shattered glass of the picture frame. Realizing that Clarke has caught her in one of her most vulnerable moments; Lexa only adjusted her seating position and took another gulp from the bottle of vodka that she had next to her.

Instead of snapping at Clarke for barging in, the now intoxicated Lexa decided that some company might be handy at this time. “Clarke, right?” Gathering that Lexa did not yell at her at her sudden intrusion, Clarke simply nodded. “I know what you’re thinking, Clarke” Lexa emphasized the ‘-ke’, “Look, how the mighty had fallen!” Lexa pointed at herself, trying to shield the embarrassment.

“Are you okay?” Clarke took another step towards Lexa as if asking permission to examine her visually.

“I’m fine, never been better!” Lexa declared taking another sip from her drink.

Due to her dismissive tone, Clarke takes a step back ready to take a leave. “Well, then I think I’ll leave you to it. Just wanted to check if you were fine.”

Lexa knew that she was always cold towards Clarke, but she had always considered Clarke to be too good of a friend for her step-brother. Actually, she thinks all his friends are too good for him. It’s just sometimes, she sees Wells taking this friendship for granted. Pretending like he’s the leader of their gang and keeping Clarke and Monty in the sidelines adds to her antagonism towards Wells. She just thinks that there is more to Clarke. She always sees this shy girl who just jumps whenever she sees her or who is too afraid to address her at school or even always makes sure she acknowledges her presence like some deity. She has always attempted to talk to Clarke, but Clarke always seems to catch her in a foul mood. Every time Clarke hangs out at their house; either she’s in an argument with her mother or Roan or Wells or Thelonious had just done something to piss her off. If there was anything remarkable about their encounters, is that Clarke always sees her either in her most guarded or vulnerable state. So, in her drunkenness, she realizes that this is her chance to get to know Clarke more, hopefully in a better light.

“Hey, where are you going?” Lexa finally utters.

“Uhm, back to the party, I think.” Clarke replies in confusion.

“You can stay you know. You’re not even drinking.” Lexa scoots to give room for Clarke to sit beside her.

Tentatively, Clarke acknowledges her offer but she does not sit beside her, she sits cross-legged opposite Lexa. Suddenly, a pregnant pause between them magnifies the awkwardness of the situation. Clarke is baffled by Lexa’s sudden friendliness.

“I’m sorry, I accidentally heard about what happened to you today.” Clarke tries to break the silence but she remains uncomfortable with the topic. She does not know if she even has the right to comfort Lexa.

“I guess I did make a little scene earlier.” Lexa scoffs. “But you’ve got it all wrong, Clarke.”

"What do you mean? Aren’t you mad because of the Roan situation?” Clarke tries to evade to point out who has broken up with whom.

“Yeah, of course, I’m a bit mad breaking up with that asshole.” Lexa gets up to move a little bit closer to Clarke. “But I’m angrier because of the lies that he had spread about me.” Lexa takes another gulp of vodka. “You see, I chose him, not because he was a jock or he was popular, I chose him because I thought that he was decent enough. I thought he was honest enough to say things to my face.” At this point Clarke could tell that Lexa was furious but her tone remained composed.

Clarke remained silent, too afraid to say the wrong thing to Lexa.

“You know about rumors that he spread? He told the entire basketball team that I had been putting out for him and I had been putting out for him for the past years we’ve been together, just to save his sorry virgin ass.” Lexa exclaims in spite. “Apparently, almost everyone at school knew, except for me and my useless friends.”

Clarke have already heard about that story but she never posed any judgment on Lexa. It was typical for most high school students to talk about losing their virginity and their sexual conquests; most people their age think of it as a big deal. So, based on what she has heard about Lexa, this was a revelation.

“So, you guys never actually did it?” Clarke couldn’t help herself to ask.

“Had you been listening to anything I was saying, Clarke?” Lexa holds her face to initiate eye contact. Clarke was suddenly frozen in place due to the unexpected contact with Lexa.

“Tell me, what do you think of me, Clarke? I am just a stuck up bitch?” Appreciating that she has already torn her walls down in front of Clarke, Lexa decides to be more candid.

“Well, to be honest?” Clarke seeks for assurance, Lexa gives her a nod. “Most people think that you are a snob and probably prude, but I think otherwise, I just think you are morally uptight for the right reasons.”

Clarke searches Lexa’s face for a reaction, but Lexa remains poker faced. Clarke fears that she might have overstepped or had said something that may have offended Lexa. Well, there goes her chance of developing a friendship with Lexa, this was a good first impression, and it was fun while it lasted.

“Ha! Ha!” Suddenly, Lexa erupts with laughter. “Morally uptight? I think I like your way with words, Clarke. You’re too smart to be Jaha Junior’s friend.”

“There is more to our friendship than meets the eye.” Clarke manages to explain.

“Are you in love with him or something?” Lexa jokes half-heartedly, realizing Clarke’s ability to hold up a good conversation, Lexa had concluded that she’s too good for Wells.

“With Wells? That’s like incest, Lexa.” Clarke laughs at the improbability.

“So, if not with Wells, with whom then?” Lexa taunts, looking Clarke straight into her blue eyes as if breaking the barrier that is Clarke’s thick rimmed glasses.

Clarke was taken aback; she was not prepared to be in this high-tension situation with Lexa. Clarke managed an enigmatic reply to keep Lexa intrigued, “That’s probably a story for another day, Ms. Woods.”

“Yeah, I hope they’ll be another day, you’re not so bad after all, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa moves to bring her face closer to Clarke’s.

“There’s more to me than meets the eye.” Clarke mentally scolds herself for repeating such a catchphrase. Somehow talking to Lexa makes her tongue-tied or probably just a little bit dumb.

“Remind me to talk to your more often then.” The sultriness in Lexa’s voice has suddenly changed the mood in the room. Not to mention that Clarke remains motionless with Lexa’s closeness, noting that the brunette shifts her stare from Clarke’s eyes to her lips.

“I’ll make sure of that.” Clarke closes her eyes as if anticipating contact from Lexa. She didn’t imagine it to be this way, Lexa in her drunken state, too dazed with their sudden interaction. Well, she does not what it to be this way, Clarke has decided internally. As she moves to open her eyes and evade Lexa’s advances; but she had never anticipated what happened next.

Suddenly, Lexa moves to cover her mouth, but she was too late. As much as she attempted to prevent it she had already expelled some vomit on Clarke.

The amount of alcohol that she has been consuming all night did not just make her more vulnerable and less guarded. Apparently, consuming so much on an empty stomach has suddenly taken its effects. With a sudden feeling of queasiness, Lexa propels herself to her en suite, leaving a vomit soaked and apprehensive Clarke on her tail. As Lexa empties the contents of her stomach onto the toilet, Clarke manages to grab on to her cascading mane and to tie it into a bun, taking a random scrunchy from the lavatory. As Lexa continued to vomit, Clarke soothes her by rubbing a hand on her back forming small circular motions. Realizing that she has gotten rid of all the bile in her stomach, Lexa moves to flush the toilet. Clarke assists her as she gets up and continues to hold onto her waist as she rinses her mouth in the sink.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke, shit, I got vomit all over you.” Lexa moved to rub a wet towel on Clarke’s shirt. “And I ruined your Nirvana shirt.” Lexa realized as she fumbled to Clarke’s aid.

Typically, Clarke was a little squeamish as a child, but as she grew older she had developed the stomach for such cases.

“I’ll be fine, it’s alright, are you fine?” Clarke was thankful that it was only a small spot on her shirt and that Lexa was able to contain herself.

“I’m sorry about that, you’re not supposed to see me in this state.” Lexa apologizes, now, a little more aware of her surroundings and a little less drunk.

“Don’t worry about it, Lexa. You’re Wells’ family now that makes us friends by proximity.” Clarke utters under her breath, adjusting her glasses.

“You’re a bit too quick to judge but thank you, anyway.” Lexa replies as Clarke assists her to her bed.

“You should learn to give people more credit for their actions, you know.” Clarke retorts.

Hoping that she had not offended Clarke with her bad sense of humor, Lexa replies, “I’ll keep that in mind but I think all I want is to probably lay down for now.” Lexa eventually positions herself on her bed.

“Alright, but you should change into a clean shirt first. You’ll regret it in the morning.” Clarke pointed out into Lexa’s soiled pajama top.

“Yeah, of course. You should change into a clean shirt too.” Lexa tried to get up but she seemed to be a bit too dizzy to walk towards her cabinet.

Sensing Lexa’s lack of locomotive skills, Clarke seeks permission to get a t-shirt for her. “I’ll be fine but can I get your shirt for you?”

Lexa raises a thumbs up in approval, “No, I insist, please borrow a t-shirt, that’s the least I can do. I have clean t-shirts on the top drawer, thank you.”

Clarke moves to open the drawer that Lexa has indicated and grabs the first thing that she sees, it was a white loose V-neck t-shirt. She also grabs the next shirt on the pile which is another band t-shirt but is seemingly oversized. Realizing that Lexa’s frame was a little slimmer and that she was a bit bigger around the bust area, Clarke settled with the oversized t-shirt with ‘smells like teen spirit’ print written across it. As Clarke heads back towards Lexa’s direction, she realized that Lexa was already in the process of removing her pajama top. All the buttons were open, revealing Lexa’s slim figure underneath, clad only in a black bandeau bra. Lexa tosses her top towards the closed basket hamper and misses significantly, Clarke moves to retrieve it to place it inside the hamper.

“Oops, sorry about that.” Lexa referred to missing the hamper. “Can you toss me a shirt, Clarke?”

“Here you go.” Too stunned by what she had seen, she moves about without looking directly at Lexa.

Clarke briskly turns her back at Lexa and quickly changes into a clean t-shirt. Clarke did not realize that even in her drunken state, Lexa paused for a couple of seconds to observe her. There was this awkward silence between the two as they respectively changed into cleaner clothes.

Sensing that Lexa had already put on a clean shirt, Clarke managed to face her direction once again. Only to see that Lexa had now moved into a comfortable fetal position and was already soundly asleep in her bed. _Why do I care so much about this girl?_ Clarke spreads a thick blanket over Lexa’s sleeping form, tucking her to sleep.

As Clarke moves to adjust the blanket near Lexa’s upper torso, she suddenly hears the girl mumble something in her sleep, “Remind me about tonight when I see you again.”

“We’ll see, but it might be a memory that you’d rather forget.” Clarke whispers back.

Unbeknownst to Clarke, Niylah had already been observing them through the door for the past two minutes. Going up to check on her troubled friend, Niylah suddenly stops at the door hearing that her friend had company. Recognizing that Clarke was harmless, she’ll make sure that Lexa never forgets about this tender moment even if Clarke fails to tell her so.

* * *


	4. Barely Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa pauses for a while and Clarke bites her lower lip in anticipation. “Tell me, what do you think about me, Griffin?” Lexa challenged. 
> 
> “I do know that you can be pretty and smart, sarcastic but sweet, popular and nerdy.” Clarke whispered unsuspectingly, Clarke knew that she was digging her own grave but she could not help but remain honest around Lexa. 
> 
> “So, you think I’m pretty and sweet?” Lexa smirked. 
> 
> “Nothing you don’t already know.” Clarke mumbled trying to avoid Lexa’s gaze. She could feel her cheeks burning; she just hopes that the blush does not show.

* * *

Track 4: Barely Breathing

Song: Barely Breathing

Artist: Duncan Sheik

Released: 1996

Album: Duncan Sheik

* * *

Summer vacation, a week after the party, 2:30pm.

Clarke stares aimlessly at the ceiling in her room. The weather was fair outside, it was a typical summer afternoon. But the trio, namely, Wells, Monty and Clarke had been tugged with radio silence for the past few days. Wells had been busy planning a sudden weekend getaway with his father, Monty had taken up a job at a juice stand at the mall, and Clarke had been in isolation basically reading book after book after book in her summer reading list. Actually, she has been stressing about Lexa for the past days, too reluctant to admit that she had been pining on Lexa, especially with what happened at the party.

It has been a week after the party at the Woods’ residence. Murphy was quick in hiring cleaning service the next day, so by the time Indra and Thelonious came home, there was no sign that such a party had taken place. Wells and Lexa agreed that they shouldn’t talk about the event especially that both step-siblings were somehow very hung-over the next day. Wells managed to overcome his hungover by being cooped up in his room the whole day and Niylah administered various hangover concoctions to Lexa.

Clarke stood up only to gaze at Lexa’s ‘smells like teen spirit’ t-shirt which was folded neatly at the foot of her bed. Her problem now is how she will be able to return the t-shirt to Lexa without reliving the happenings of that evening. They were so close to kissing but of course, Lexa was drunk. Plus, Lexa vomited on her, literally, it was awkward. _Why was it so difficult? Why can’t it be as easy as dropping by their house and saying ‘hey, Lexa, I washed your shirt, I’m returning it.’?_ After all, Lexa lives in the same house with one of her best friends. She can easily make some lame excuse that she’s visiting Wells. While Clarke was too busy fabricating ways in how to talk to Lexa, there was a sudden knock at her door.

“Hey sweetie, someone’s here to see you.” Abby carefully peeped at Clarke’s door.

“Hey mom, I’m not expecting anyone.” Clarke replies giving her mother a baffled look.

“Hey Clarkey!” Suddenly someone emerges from the door, it was Monty. “Thanks for letting me in Mrs. Griffin.” Monty shows his appreciation as he moves past Abby.

“My God, it’s just you.” Clarke looks at Monty a little bit relieved. He wore a red cap backwards, he was wearing another pair of overalls and a dark colored shirt underneath.

“Okay, I think I’ll leave you two to it.” Abby gives her daughter a knowing look. “And Clarke, the door remains open, okay?”

“Moooooom, it’s just Monty.” Clarke gives her mother a wide-eyed look, too embarrassed for Monty’s sake.

“I’m only being a mother, you have a boy in your room, what do I know?” Abby chuckles as she fades into the hallway.

“Don’t worry Mrs. Griffin, my only intentions with your daughter is limited to videogames, free pizza and comic books.” Monty hollers back, assuring Abby that he’s definitely Clarke’s best friend.

As Monty sits playfully on Clarke’s bed, Clarke throws a pillow at his face. “Shut up! What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I just visit my friend?” Clarke gives him a quizzical look. “Alright, alright, you’re no fun Griffin. The truth is, I’m here to ask you to give me a ride to the mall. Apparently, Wells has better things to do this summer.” Monty mutters as he lies down on Clarke’s bed.

“Today’s the Magic cards tournament, isn’t it?” Clarke looked at the calendar on her desk. Monty gave her a thumbs up while he remained comfortable on the bed, his eyes stuck to the ceiling. “But I thought he promised to help you out with the deck and to go with you to the tournament?” Clarke inquired.

“Well, I just got off the phone with him, he said he’s preparing for a fishing trip with his dad. Plus, he doesn’t want to drive yet.” Monty explained. “You know family first.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll go with you, since its family first you know.” Clarke gave Monty an endearing smile.’

“Yes! I always knew you were my first best friend, Clarke.” Month jumps up from the bed.

“Now, get out of my room so I can change.” Clarke throws a pillow at Monty once again.

“Okay, okay, thank you! I owe you big time for this, Clarkey.” Monty flashed her his biggest smile as he exited the room.

As Monty left Clarke in her room, she continued to change into a graphic shirt and a loose pair of denim pants. As she proceeded to put on a pair of Skechers, she spots Lexa’s t-shirt once again. _Well, I guess I still have the rest of the summer to worry about you,_ Clarke thinks to herself.

* * *

“Okay, so there are two categories, right.” Clarke clarifies as she walks beside Monty towards the tournament arena at the mall.

Since last summer hundreds of Magic: The Gathering enthusiasts gather together for a tournament. Winners technically advanced to compete with other winners from other regions as the organized set of tournaments progressed. Involvement in conventions and tournaments was a pretty big deal for Monty, so Clarke couldn’t imagine how Wells could just turn him down like that. After all, she was not into this type of thing but the boys were.

“So, I belong to _constructed_ category because I built my own deck, while those guys at that table belong in the _limited_ category since they build their decks on the spot.” Monty explains to Clarke once again.

“Gosh, so everyone gets to build their own deck?” Clarke smirks repeating the word ‘deck’ once again.

“You know what, Clarke, I’ll be fine. Thank you so much for taking me but I guess you can sit this one out.” Monty taps his friend on the shoulder to assure her that he’ll be fine.

“I should be here cheering you on and you’re deck building.” Clarke grins at the pun.

“Honestly, Clarke, people don’t usually cheer, this is not gymnastics.” Monty jokes. “You might want to check out the bookstore or catch a movie, I know you’d prefer that. After all, your mom paid me five bucks just to drag you out of the house.”

“Wait, what? She did that?” Clarke was now confused.

“Well, I did need a ride to the mall but my dad will be picking me up later. However, she just told me that you’ve been cooped up for days and should probably get out and enjoy the break a bit. But I know you’ll get bored with the tournament.” Monty flashed his biggest smile.

“Wow, dude! I never deemed you as such a conspirator.” Clarke faked a laugh.

“Well, she asked me to give this to you.” Monty handed ten bucks to Clarke. “She said you should go watch a movie or something. She said you’ve been down for days and haven’t really said what was wrong. Is something bothering you, Clarke? You know you can talk to me.” Monty searched his friend’s face for answers.

Clarke debated on telling Monty about what went down with Lexa during the party. She had been worrying about it for days and apparently, Abby has noticed this melancholy. Being too busy with work, Abby has always tried to make it up to Clarke in many ways.

“Hmm, maybe some other time. But I’ll definitely be fine, anyway, you need to register now.” Clarke beamed at Monty.

“So, we’re cool, right?” Monty asked Clarke.

“Yes, we’re definitely cool. Thanks for helping mom out, Monty.” Clarke gave her friend a side hug to assure him. “Go get ‘em! I’ll probably head to the movies then.”

* * *

Clarke looked at the movie posters, The Lost World: Jurassic Park was on, now that she was already sixteen, she could finally watch this PG-13 movie alone, unlike its prequel where she needed to beg her mother to watch it with her. Clarke was used to doing things alone, going to the mall, running errands, going to the bookstore or the library and even to the movies. Clarke proceeded to the box office to line up for a ticket when suddenly someone taps her shoulder.

“Hey, Clarke.” It was too good to be true, Clarke could not believe her ears, and she recognized that voice anywhere.

As she turned to face the person who greeted her, she was stunned when she confirmed that it was indeed Lexa. “Uh, hey, hi.” Clarke greeted awkwardly adjusting her glasses on top of her nose. Lexa stood at the line behind her, she had her brown mane up in a ponytail, she wore a green flannel shirt over a top dye gray t-shirt and a pair of tight denim shorts.

“You seem to be missing your gang of nerds.” Lexa comments looking around for signs of Monty or Wells.

“Well, you seem to be missing your entourage as well.” Clarke replies indicating the absence of the Murphy twins. “Plus, you should know better, you live in the same house with one of my gang members.”

“Oh, so Jaha Junior was not out to meet up with you guys?” Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I was with Monty earlier, but I needed to drive him here for his tournament because Wells is too busy with his dad.” Clarke explained realizing that there’s probably more to Lexa’s story.

“What do you mean? Jaha Senior went to New York with mother. Wells left the house before I did.” Lexa enlightens nonchalantly.

“Are you sure?” Clarke could not believe what she was hearing, did Wells just ditch them?

“I see to it that I ignore the boy but I’m not blind, Clarke. He left the house before I did, trust me, he was in a hurry.” Lexa expounds as both teenagers move in line.

“Hmm, he has some explaining to do then. I can’t believe he just lied to us.” Clarke sulks.

“The apple doesn’t probably fall far from the tree.” Lexa confirms her dislike of her step-brother and step-father.

“I should not judge right away until I hear from him, Monty’s not going to like this.” Clarke mumbles to herself.

Clarke was too caught up pondering about Wells suspicious behavior when she suddenly realized that something was a bit off with the scenario that she was currently in. _How come Lexa suddenly became friendly towards her? Plus, what was she doing at the movies, presumably, alone?_

“So, you’re not with a date or something?” Clarke checks for anyone around Lexa.

“Why are you too interested in who I am with? Can’t I just go see a movie by myself?” Lexa smirks at Clarke.

“I don’t know, it’s seems a bit out of character. Lexa Woods alone at the movies.” Clarke emphasizes the peculiarity of the situation.

“So, it’s not as odd as Clarke Griffin alone at the movies?” Lexa retorts with her arms crossed above her chest.

“Noticing Clarke Griffin is odd, Clarke Griffin alone at the movies is a typical occurrence.” Clarke explains.

“Don’t put yourself down so much Clarke, people will see what you show them. People should really start noticing Clarke Griffin.” Lexa whispered to Clarke’s ears.

Clarke suddenly blushed at their proximity, it took her some time to process what was happening, and she remained speechless.

“What are you watching anyway?” Lexa probed to lighten the mood.

“The Lost World…” Clarke replied before she could notice that she was already next in line at the counter so she started to panic and fumble for her wallet.

“Two tickets for The Lost World, please.” Lexa went in front of Clarke paying for their tickets as not to hold the line and piss off the impatient attendant at the counter. “Would you mind if we watch together?”

Realizing that Lexa just got their tickets since she was not with anyone else, Clarke was not able to move from where she previously stood. _Is she really going into that theatre with Lexa?_

“C’mon Griffin, what are you waiting for? We might miss the trailers.” Lexa motioned for Clarke to follow.

“Oh, let me pay you…” Clarke was fumbling with her wallet once again.

“Don’t be weird, Griffin. This one is on me, after all the trouble at the party last time. I’m really sorry about my behavior by the way.” Lexa went back for Clarke.

_So, she did remember that evening, Clarke told herself. But did she remember all of it, including their almost kiss? Clarke noted that she need to find out about that._

“It’s really no big deal, I still have your shirt though. I already washed it but haven’t had the time to return it yet, I’m sorry.” Clarke mentally scolded herself for babbling and being so awkward.

“That’s the least I could do after everything you’ve done for me, it was really embarrassing. But you should make sure you get to drop off my t-shirt though, it’s one of my favorites.” Clarke nodded in affirmation. Clarke followed Lexa as she headed towards the snack bar.

“Oh, let me get the snacks. What do you want, Lexa?” Clarke looked back at Lexa and realized that her eyes were kind of sparkling at the sight of the snack bar.

“Hmm, sour cream flavored popcorn, a pack of gummy worms and a Coke.” Lexa jeered.

_This is too good to be true, Clarke thought to herself._ She and Lexa liked the same things; when sharing a bucket of popcorn with Monty and Wells they would always compromise for cheese because Clarke thought Wells’ preference for butter is too plain and Monty thinks that Clarke’s preference for sour cream is just plain bad. Also, Wells’ prefers chocolate bars over gummy worms and Monty wants gummy bears over worms. Clarke always felt bothered biting off the heads of gummy bears; worms were better, they were quite neutral, their mouth and butt is the same thing. So, she was just fascinated to find out that she and Lexa liked the same snacks.

“A tub of sour cream flavored popcorn, two packs of gummy worms, and two Cokes, please.” Clarke motioned to the snack attendant.

“Don’t tell me you like the same thing, Clarke.” Lexa inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“You could go and ask Monty, I order the same things. Except if I needed to compromise when we share snacks.” Clarke explains.

“That’s why going to the movies alone is better especially if you negotiate over snacks with friends.” Lexa sneers. “But it’s a good thing we like the same things.” _Did Lexa Woods just wink at her?_

“So, The Lost World, huh? Have you watched the first one?” Clarke asked as they entered the theatre.

“What do you think? My friends think its lame, but I was always charmed by genetically modified dinosaurs.” Clarke caught Lexa’s smile as their surroundings start to dim.

“Yeah, dinosaurs are never lame.” Clarke muttered as she realized that she was about to commence with a non-date date with Lexa Woods.

* * *

Clarke could not breathe; she was stiff as a rock, plastered to her seat inside the dark cinema. They were halfway through the movie and Clarke could not focus on Julianne Moore or Roland Tembo’s T-rex hunting. She definitely missed a lot of scenes and lines and she would probably lie about and just ask Monty to rewatch The Lost World with her, all because Lexa Woods was too distracting of a company.

As soon as they found their seats right in the middle center of the cinema, Clarke was a goner. Sharing a tub of popcorn was Clarke’s biggest regret, Lexa urged Clarke to hold the popcorn on her lap as they began munching on gummy worms. Clarke rested her elbows on the armrests to steady the popcorn tub and whenever Lexa moves to get some popcorn, her forearm would brush against Clarke. Clarke squirmed at this tingling sensation that she felt in her stomach whenever they would come into contact. Clarke did not know if Lexa was just plain oblivious but she was already too focused to care as soon as the trailers had started. Not to mention that their fingers would occasionally meet whenever they grab a handful of popcorn simultaneously when they are not looking. Clarke had suddenly become too conscious whenever she moves. In addition, Lexa had this habit to mumbling side comments in a low raspy voice as the movie and the trailers went on. She would sporadically tip her head and whisper comments to Clarke’s ear, which would usually amuse her or cause her to chuckle inaudibly.

Lexa would whisper random things like:

“Do you know why trailers are called trailers? Because they typically go after the end of the movie so that people would now what to see next. But eventually, they noticed that nobody watches the trailers because people usually leave the cinema right away, so, they moved up the trailers before the feature presentation.”

_“I think that movie is worth watching next time.”_

_“I love Jeff Goldblum in this one.”_

_“The dinosaurs were extinct for a reason, why can’t they just let them be.”_

_“Oh, that’s stupid.”_

_“The movie did not stay true to the book for a reason.”_

Well, those were not just some random thoughts, mostly interesting opinions but Clarke could not help but get distracted not because of Lexa’s whispers but because she gets a faint waft of Lexa’s shampoo and perfume every time she leans so close to Clarke. Clarke felt like she was floating in a mist of olive and green tea, Lexa had a unique scent that she could not place and is probably forever embedded in her memory.

As the movie credits rolled and patrons started to leave the movie house, Clarke noticed that Lexa was slumped back on to her chair in a more relaxed position.

“That was kinda nice wasn’t it?” Lexa turned to Clarke as she slurped the remaining contents of her cola.

“Yeah, I guess so” Clarke did not know what else to say, she was too distracted to point out specific parts from the movie.

As if she was able to read Clarke’s mind, Lexa had figured out the blonde’s reaction. “Oh shit! Was I distracting you Clarke?” Lexa gasped. “I’m really such a talker, I’m so sorry.”

Clarke could not help but snicker at Lexa’s pouting. “Well, I can do without the side comments.”

“I’m so sorry, I really couldn’t help it.” Lexa pouted some more and then she abruptly stood from her seat dragging Clarke with her. “I think I know how I can make it up to you! Let’s go grab dinner, let me know what you missed and I’ll walk you through.”

Clarke felt that these series of events were too surreal, she allowed herself to be dragged by Lexa Woods to dinner. If she had known any better, it felt like they were biding their time in this chance encounter, not yet ready to let each other go.

* * *

By dinnertime, Clarke had somehow figured Lexa out, she was a closeted geek. Their dinner conversation over burgers, fries, and milkshakes had evolved from a rehash of the entire movie (care of the now more talkative Lexa Woods) to the Star Trek, Back to the Future and everything extraterrestrial.

Clarke had found out that Lexa was not only into sci-fi films but Isaac Asimov and Ursula Le Guin novels too. She could not believe that this version of Lexa Woods was more human than meets the eye.

“Hey, Lexa, I hope you don’t mind me saying but I think everyone just got you all wrong.” Clarke eventually mutters.

Lexa suddenly ceases her gushing and becomes stoically silent once again. Clarke panics for a while realizing that she had probably offended Lexa and she should have not opened her mouth in the first place. Lexa looks out into the busy mall boardwalk from her seat at the diner. Clarke notices that she nervously tears the tissue paper in her hand before she begins to speak.

“And what do you think is right, Clarke?” Lexa throws the question back to her.

Clarke gulps; Lexa is indeed like a mystery box, you never realize what you got once you have already opened it. There’s no turning back now, she should tread carefully. “I just think you have been gravely stereotyped.”

Lexa pauses for a while and Clarke bites her lower lip in anticipation. “Tell me, what do you think about me, Griffin?” Lexa challenged.

“I do know that you can be pretty and smart, sarcastic but sweet, popular and nerdy.” Clarke whispered unsuspectingly, Clarke knew that she was digging her own grave but she could not help but remain honest around Lexa.

“So, you think I’m pretty and sweet?” Lexa smirked.

“Nothing you don’t already know.” Clarke mumbled trying to avoid Lexa’s gaze. She could feel her cheeks burning; she just hopes that the blush does not show.

“You’re such a fascinating creature, Griffin. You’re too good for your own benefit.” Lexa chuckled.

“Creature? Like a gremlin? Should I take that as a compliment?” Clarke joked. Lexa chuckled at the witty comeback.

“I already have blackmail material, Woods, you should be careful.” Clarke felt a bit confident with this clever banter.

“That I’m a dinosaur watching, talkative movie geek?” Lexa raised her eyebrow.

“That you just watched a movie with me, one of the biggest geeks at school. Imagine how that would taint your perfect popular girl persona.” Clarke was broken into reality. After this evening, she knew that things would go back to normal. Normalcy, meaning exchanging awkward smiles and grunts with Lexa and returning to their own social bubbles after this bewildering happenstance.

“Do you really think I’m that shallow, Clarke?” Lexa looked offended.

“I don’t think you’re shallow, Lexa. I think people at school are and they detest what their simple minds could not grasp and that is a popular girl like you should not just hang out with a four-eyed geek like me.” Clarke recovered.

“People are like onions, Clarke. Our personality is made up of layers upon layers, peel one off and you reveal another layer.” Lexa mumbled.

“And the more you remove the layers, the more you start to cry?” Clarke joked. 

Lexa smiled at that funny figure of speech. “The rest of world will catch up sooner or later but for now, we just live in simple times when people are not used to gray and other colors, it’s just a matter of black and white. They just hate what they could not understand.” Lexa huffed.

Clarke suddenly felt a pang of pity. Lexa is certainly one of the most misunderstood people at school. But Lexa does not need pity, Lexa simply needs to build trust. To be more confident that she can just be herself and to trust that she will eventually find people who will accept her as she is.

“But it’s not that easy, there are always certain expectations.” Lexa scoffed.

“I don’t think everyone’s opinions really matters. You just need the confidence of those who truly matter.” Clarke muttered.

“And who are those people, Clarke?” Lexa fixed her gaze on Clarke; Clarke felt the intensity of her piercing green eyes.

“It’s simple, people who love you.” Clarke replied meekly. 

* * *

_There's not much to examine  
There's nothing left to hide  
You really can't be serious  
If you have to ask me why  
I say goodbye_

_'Cause I am barely breathing  
And I can't find the air  
I don't know who I'm kidding  
Imagining you care  
And I could stand here waiting  
A fool for another day  
I don't suppose it's worth the price  
And worth the price, the price that I would pay_

The song blared from Clarke’s car radio. She was driving home alone, since Monty was picked up by his dad and Lexa had brought her own car. But she could not help but look back at their moment at the parking lot.

_It had been five minutes since they had bid each other farewell, without much words or promise of probably seeing each other again._

_“Maybe I’ll get to bump into you again, Griffin.” Lexa mumbled as she walked backwards towards her Mustang._

_Clarke stood beside her car, she was about to open the door to her Nissan. “Well, I still have your t-shirt!” Clarke face palmed herself internally; get a grip of yourself, Griffin._

_“Anytime, Clarke!” Lexa chuckled as she disappeared into the interior of her car._

Clarke had never seen a giddy Lexa and the thought of it had made her giddy herself. It was too good to be true. _Was she dreaming?_ All she knows is that the moment she arrived at her house and turned off the ignition of her car, she felt breathless.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was quite a long fluffy chapter for the long (weekly) wait. Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Save Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How was the fishing trip, Wells?” Clarke added. 
> 
> “Why do I feel like this is an inquisition?” Wells immediately jolted from his seat. 
> 
> “We just want to know what’s been keeping you and why we can’t help with any errands. We haven’t seen you for a week and it’s just the start of summer.” Clarke explained, she did not want to accuse Wells of lying right away.

* * *

Track 5: Save Tonight

Song: Save Tonight

Artist: Eagle Eye Cherry

Released: 1997

Album: Desireless

* * *

Summer vacation, a week after Clarke and Lexa’s non-date

“Are you sure we should confront him?” Clarke muttered.

Clarke and Monty were parked at the Woods’ driveway. Much to Clarke and Monty’s annoyance, they had found out that Wells have started hanging out with the popular kids of Arkadia, the ones he managed to impress after the keg stand with John Murphy.

“You said that we wasn’t really on a fishing trip with his father that day he bailed on me.” Monty recalled. “How did you find out about it anyway?”

“Lexa told me.” Clarke replied absentmindedly.

“You talked to Lexa Woods? Now, when did that happen?” Monty was shocked. “Tell me, have you been living a secret life too, Clarke?” Monty pouted in Clarke’s passenger seat. Monty had his cap snapback and he was wearing a t-shirt with color blocks of blue, green, yellow, and red and a pair of baggy pants.

“No, nothing like that, I just happened to bump into her.” Clarke muttered. “Anyway, let’s focus on the matter at hand, shall we?” Clarke evaded Monty’s question. She fixed her eyeglasses over the bridge of her nose; she had her hair up in a tight ponytail. She wore a loose tie-dye shirt, denim shorts, and a pair of Birkenstocks. “Are we sure about this?”

“It wasn’t the first time he bailed on me, Clarke. Yesterday, we were supposed to go to the arcade, I waited for him and finished The Simpsons without him. Imagine how hard it was for Lisa without Bart!” Monty exclaimed. “Then, when I went home I spotted him hanging out with Cage Wallace, Charles Pike, and Carl Emerson at the diner.” Monty narrated.

“Isn’t that half of the basketball team?” Clarke wondered. Since Roan had graduated, Cage was next in line as the most popular jock in Arkadia and she could not imagine Wells hanging out with these bullies.

“He must have caught their attention when he went for that keg stand at Lexa’s party.” Monty mumbled.

“Well, whatever he said, whatever you saw, we should definitely talk to him about that.” Clarke advised. 

“Look, there he is! Should we confront him right away?” Monty and Clarke saw Wells emerge from the front door. He was wearing a loose striped t-shirt, baggy shorts, and sneakers, whistling as he approached grey Toyota Camry at the park lot.

“What is this? He’s driving now?” Monty was baffled. “Who is this stranger?” Monty was broken-hearted with his friend’s sudden change in behavior.

“I guess there’s no other way of doing this.” Clarke muttered under her breath. “Hey, Wells!” Clarke called out as she and Monty exited her vehicle.

“Oh, hey guys.” Wells stopped in his tracks; he was like a deer caught in headlights.

“Can we talk?” Monty responded.

Wells knew better that no good conversation started with _can we talk._ However, he had this sudden air of smugness about him that Clarke noticed.

“Sure, let’s step inside.” Wells directed Clarke in Monty into the living room.

The Woods’ residence was empty yet again, their footsteps echoed as they entered from the foyer. Wells flopped casually on a lounge chair, Monty sat on the three-seater opposite him and Clarke sat beside Monty. The trio had never felt this air of awkwardness among them before, but Wells felt like he was a stranger. He had both his arms draped on the arms of the chair and he was seated in a relaxed position, probably, wondering what the duo was doing wasting his time.

Clarke had noticed Lexa at the poolside from the glass doors that faced the living room. They had caught Lexa’s attention as they entered; Lexa was seated in a wooden poolside lounge chair reading a book. She wore a pair of dark sunglasses, a loose white t-shirt with a print of the American flag with the short sleeves folded to her shoulders. Her shirt was tucked to a pair of acid-washed cut-off denim shorts and she was barefoot. Her hair tied in a messy bun and fringes hung loose to frame her face. She was probably intrigued by what was happening inside that she stood up and headed to the kitchen. If Clarke knew any better, Lexa had probably noticed her presence but she should not think too much into it, _she’s just probably hungry,_ Clarke scolded herself.

“Don’t mind me” Lexa muttered as she passed by the trio. Wells simply scoffed at her.

“So, what’s up? Did I miss anything?” Wells inquired with a raised eyebrow. Clarke could not place where this cool cat smugness have been coming from.

“By _anything_ do you mean a lot of things?” Monty replied. “Where were you?” He furrowed his brows.

“Like I told you, I spent some time with, dad. I’ve been having a lot of errands and I’m actually about to go out for one as we speak.” Wells reasoned.

Clarke knew perfectly well that based on Lexa’s demeanor, Indra does not typically send her children for errands and if Indra is not around, Thelonious is not either.

“Where were you yesterday?” Monty inquired.

“I told you, I needed to pick up some stuff for dad at the drugstore.” Wells reasoned.

Clarke eyed Lexa from the open show kitchen. Lexa was pretending that she was pouring some orange juice and preparing a sandwich but she could probably grasp what they were talking about.

“How was the fishing trip, Wells?” Clarke added.

“Why do I feel like this is an inquisition?” Wells immediately jolted from his seat.

“We just want to know what’s been keeping you and why we can’t help with any errands. We haven’t seen you for a week and it’s just the start of summer.” Clarke explained, she did not want to accuse Wells of lying right away.

However, Monty would no longer have any of Wells excuses. “Just tell us if you don’t want to hang out anymore, man. You don’t need to lie, I saw you with Cage and his gang yesterday.”

Wells was pushed to a corner; Monty had called his bluff. “Okay, I met some new friends, we hang out. I didn’t say anything to you guys because I know how you would react. All possessive and needy, I don’t need this shit!” Wells raised his voice.

As soon as Wells ignited, Lexa moved to intervene but Clarke gave her a look not to.

“You don’t have to lie about it.” Monty mumbled.

“And you’re hanging out with Cage of all people. Remember, he bullied you in middle school, he placed thumb tacks on your seat.” Clarke reminded Wells.

“That was an eon ago, grow up, Clarke! We’re cool now, I’m cool now!” Wells emphasized. “If I knew any better, you’re just both jealous that I’m accepted into their crowd. I can’t wallow in board games and reading lists all summer, you know!”

Monty just sat there shaking his head; he couldn’t believe the words escaping Wells mouth. “That’s it, we lost him, Clarke.”

Clarke was speechless, she just held Wells’ furious look. _What happened to him?_

“If you have no further questions, I have a game of beach volleyball to go to. You know your way out.” Wells huffed as he exited the room.

Lexa joined them in the living room drinking a glass of orange juice.

Monty was still shell-shocked beside Clarke. “We’re sorry you had to see that, Lexa. We’ll be out of your hair now.” Monty apologized, unconsciously gaining the courage to talk to Lexa.

“It’s okay; you guys can hang out for a bit.” Lexa muttered. She saw how broken-hearted Monty was.

“Thanks.” Clarke mumbled under her breath.

“I know it’s not in my place to say but I expected that from Jaha Junior. He was like a volcano waiting to erupt. I’m sorry; I know he’s still your friend.” She gave Clarke an apologetic look.

“It’s okay, you can say anything. We just never expected that.” Clarke replied.

“Popularity can really ruin even the best of us especially if we let it go to our heads.” If Clarke could tell, Lexa was probably trying to cheer them up.

“They’re not even the popular kids, well not yet.” Monty murmured. “You are the popular kid!” Lexa’s crowd were indeed the popular kids, Cage’s gang was somewhere in the middle of the food chain.

Lexa’s face suddenly lit up, Clarke realized that she probably had an idea cooped up in her beautiful mind.

“Say, Monty, would you like to hang out with the _real_ popular kids?” Lexa wiggled her eyebrow playfully. Clarke had never seen this side of Lexa, so concerned; trying to cheer up a sulking Monty who looked like someone kicked his puppy. Monty looked puzzled; he did not say a word.

“Murphy is setting up a bonfire at the beach tomorrow, why won’t you and Clarke tag along with us?” Lexa comforted.

“You mean with you and the Murphy twins?” Monty grinned, his eyes lighting up.

“Yeah, we could all meet back here at 7:30; we’ll be taking Murphy’s jeep.” Lexa explained with a wide smile, quite proud of herself for cheering Monty up.

Clarke was surprised by the sudden turn of events. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Lex.” Clarke did not realize the sudden use of Lexa’s nickname. Lexa could not help but beam at the thought.

“It’s summer after all, there’s the bonfire, Frisbee, barbecue. Murphy has a stack of booze in his parent’s beach house. If we get too drunk to drive, we’ll just crash at the beach house. It’s a private beach, the place is secured, nothing to worry about.” Lexa expounded.

Clarke had never been to one of those parties before, Lexa and the Murphy twins were always on top of the food chain being popular at school and having loaded parents. She did not even know that they could host a beach party with booze in a private beach without the threat of being shut down. Monty was already excited at the thought and Clarke still can’t help but feel skeptical, it was too good to be true.

“I’ll go if Clarke goes!” Monty looked elated.

“I’m sorry, but what’s in it for you, Lex?” Clarke could not help but remain uncertain for Monty’s sake. If there’s a thicker plot behind this invitation, she couldn’t trust being around a crowd like that.

Lexa took a deep breath; she could not believe that she’s trying to convince Clarke Griffin and Monty Green to a party. “I can’t lie; I heard what just happened here. Jaha Junior really has one twisted mind; I just want you guys to show him that you’re a better crowd than he thinks. He shouldn’t have shove off your friendship like that. You’ve been friends for years, that’s just low. Plus, is it acceptable that I just want you guys to have fun for a change? If you find hanging out at the beach fun, that is.”

“I think it’s fun! Don’t you, Clarke?” Monty elbowed his friend.

“Okay, if it makes you feel any better Clarke, I won’t be drinking this time. We’ll just all hang out and I’ll make sure no one messes with you guys.” Lexa offered.

“Our house is actually closer to the beach, we can drive there.” Clarke eventually gave in.

“We’ll pick you up from your house, then. Imagine the look on Jaha’s face when he sees all of us hanging out together.” Lexa winked playfully.

* * *

“I can’t believe we’ve been invited to another party.” Monty looked excited at Clarke’s front porch. He wore a pair of board shorts, flip-flops, and a printed floral shirt over his white tank top.

Clarke smiled at her excited companion; she was trying to hide her edginess. Lexa personally invited them to this party; perhaps she was starting to grow on Lexa. But reminded herself to not keep her hopes up. _It is just a crush; Lexa is not probably even into girls._

Clarke had this purple one-piece on but she covered it with a pair of short denim dungarees. Her hair hung loosely over her shoulders accentuating her wild wavy locks.

“You two look giddy!” The pair jolted upright as Clarke’s mom exited the house, locking the door. She was about to leave for her evening shift, she was dressed in her scrubs.

“Good evening, Mrs. Griffin.” Monty greeted.

“I know you’ll be offered a bottle or two but only take what you can handle.” Abby reminded the pair. “Also, have you guys brought protection with…” Before Abby could even finish her question, Clarke interjected.

“C’mon, mooooom!” Clarke whined in embarrassment.

“You’re hanging out with those Murphy twins and Wells’ sister; I know what kids these days are up to. I’m a medical professional, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Abby run by again.

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Griffin. I’ll keep an eye on Clarke!” Monty draped a protective arm over Clarke’s shoulder.

“Stay safe!” Abby repeated as she left a soft peck on Clarke’s forehead.

“Bye, mom!” Clarke waved at her mother as she entered the car and backed out of the driveway.

“Your mom’s so cool!” Monty flashed a toothy grin.

But before Clarke could utter a comeback, they heard some honking across the street. “Yo Griffin! Green! Let’s go!” Murphy called out from his red jeep. He was wearing his signature white shirt and khaki shorts, his hair slicked back.

His twin sister Niylah who was seated at front waved at them coyly as Monty and Clarke approached the vehicle. Niylah braided her blonde locks, she wore a lace midriff top that exposed her toned abs, and she wore denim shorts as well. Lexa was seated at the back, she donned a knitted, see-through top that provided a view of her black bikini underneath, her shorts were also black and her sneakers were black as well.

“Just load your beautiful selves at the back!” John slurred.

Monty struggled to hop on as he lifted himself balancing on foot on one of the jeep’s rear wheels. Lexa offered to help him but he respectfully declined. He almost stumbled headfirst, the twins tried to hold their laughter as they observed from the rearview mirror. When it was Clarke’s turn to mount the vehicle, Lexa stood up and held her arm. Clarke almost felt electrified at the sudden contact; Lexa’s long bony fingers gripped her forearm but she could not help but balance her weight on her as she was being lifted up to the vehicle.

“There you go!” Clarke could not help but notice that Lexa held her hip as she was being led to her seat.

John’s 1997 Wrangler had an open top, it was perfect for the beach trip but of course, it doesn’t mean it was easy to hop on to. Monty already felt comfortable on one corner of the backseat. Lexa settled on the opposite end, so that leaves Clarke to sit in the middle. The backseat wasn’t really that wide to accommodate three people but they managed to fit. However, Clarke could feel her elbows brushing against Lexa’s. With Monty’s wide shoulders, Clarke could not help but scoot closer and invade some of Lexa’s space. Lexa noticed Clarke’s predicament, so to make herself more comfortable, she draped her arm on the edge of the backseat instead. Clarke was a little bit relived by the loss of contact; she felt like Lexa could have probably heard how loud her heart was beating. But she could not say if Lexa’s new position had only made matters worse because right now, Lexa almost has her arm draped over Clarke’s shoulders.

“We heard about your drama with Jaha Junior!” Murphy exclaimed as they drove against the wind.

“Sorry, I had to tell them.” Lexa explained.

“Jaha who?” Monty was really still mad.

“I like that attitude, Green!” John chuckled.

“You don’t really go to a lot of parties before, Clarke?” Niylah eyed her from the rearview mirror.

“Well, we don’t really get invited to be honest.” Clarke muttered.

“Not a lot of people get invited to parties, Clarke but sometimes they just crash anyway.” Niylah replied, Lexa remained stoic.

“Well, we are not exactly the party-crasher type.” Monty interjected.

“I respect that, Green! You’re not so bad after all.” Murphy sniggered.

“We don’t hang around if we’re not wanted.” If Lexa knew any better there was more bite to Clarke’s reply but the person who should hear it wasn’t there.

* * *

Clarke saw a growing crowd around a bonfire as they neared the Murphy beach house. John parked the jeep haphazardly and the group started to hop off. Monty almost broke his ankle as he jumped but he recovered quickly.

“Hey, Monty, do you know how to mix drinks?” John draped an arm over Monty’s shoulder.

“I messed with my dad’s liquor cabinet once.” Monty replied meekly.

“Alright! Let’s go!” Murphy directed.

Monty looked at Clarke’s direction; Clarke motioned at him to _just go with the flow._ Monty smiled timidly and allowed John Murphy to lead him inside.

Just as Clarke was about to alight, she realized that Lexa had already soared before her.

“Here Clarke,” Lexa offered a hand. “Don’t worry I’ll catch you.”

Clarke felt her stomach churn and her knees go weak, she did not know if she actually had enough strength to jump, she felt like jelly under Lexa’s words. When Lexa motioned for her to jump, she did jump and she reached out for Lexa’s shoulder for support. Lexa held on to her hips once again to keep her balanced once she hit the ground.

“The next time we go out, remind me to bring my car. Murphy’s jeep is exhausting.” Lexa muttered as she led Clarke into the beach house guiding the small of her back with her palm. Clarke simply nodded in reply.

Unbeknownst to Lexa, Niylah had witnessed the entire exchange with a smirk. 

Wells was already at the beach, hanging out with Cage and his crowd. From afar, he could not help but notice that Monty and Clarke had arrived with Lexa and the twins. Wells’ face soured with a scowl, he could not place what he was feeling at that moment.

The party was in a full swing, people were starting to crowd around the bonfire. Several big kegs were almost empty and Murphy was operating the bar together with Monty. They were serving electric blue drinks in red solo cups. Lexa said that it was just watered down Gatorade spiked with vodka, it was John’s way of hyping up a party and that Monty was safe because he was handing out drinks instead of drinking it. 

What Clarke noticed was that the beach house was almost empty, Murphy had set up the bar at the porch and all the partygoers were outside. She stood at the balcony admiring the beach at the evening as the waves kissed the sandy shores.

“Shouldn’t you be out there enjoying the party?” Lexa suddenly emerged behind her.

“It’s so quiet in here.” Clarke referred to the interior of the beach house in contrast to the crowd outside.

“Oh, you mean the beach house is empty.” Lexa realized what Clarke meant. “John and Niylah really don’t want people to trash the place, so they keep the party outside. We just crash here once the party is over; they only allow friends inside, since you can only enter through the parking lot. That’s why he sets up the bar right there, to make sure that people don’t enter and have sex in one of the rooms. They can do whatever they want at the beach, but the house is off limits.” Lexa explained. 

“So, what am I doing here?” Clarke was dumbfounded.

“We’re friends,” Lexa muttered. “You’re considered as a close friend.”

“Is it because you say so?” Clarke inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“You ask too many questions, Clarke, like I’ve said, just go with the flow.” Lexa bumped her shoulder against Clarke. Clarke smiled at the friendly gesture. She could get used to this, being friends with Lexa Woods.

Clarke eventually eyed that Lexa was holding a bottle of beer. “I thought you won’t be drinking?”

“Who says I am?” Lexa jeered. “I got this for you, just unwind a bit, and stop overthinking.” Lexa offered the bottle.

“If you’ve been bullied since grade school, you know enough to always be in a defensive mode. Sorry if I’m paranoid, but I’m just looking out for myself and my friends.” Clarke eyed Monty from afar.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Clarke. I really don’t understand what gratification people get with bullying. I know all the I’m too damaged so I lash on other people trope but it still does not justify their actions.” Lexa pondered. “Have we ever bullied you? I mean have we hurt any of you?”

“Well, you guys like calling people names but I think it’s does not go so far to really create much damage. Actually, you guys are not so bad at all.” Clarke replied instantly.

“That’s good to know because we are not that kind of people.” Lexa explained.

“I know.” Clarke muttered under her breath.

“So, how about a drink then?” Lexa offered the bottle again. “Just a drink, I promise I’ll stay sober for the evening.”

“Okay, I guess one bottle wouldn’t hurt.” Clarke had finally accepted the offer.

* * *

As the evening got deeper, the crowd somehow thinned but were more inebriated. Some partygoers had probably hid themselves out of sight doing God knows what. Clarke kept an eye on Monty; he was now in a large circle playing a game of truth or dare. Throughout the evening, true to her word, Lexa had never left Clarke’s side. John was somewhere in the beach probably making out with some girl and Niylah was also nowhere in sight.

“So, Clarke, what do you think of your night out so far?” Lexa mumbled beside her, they were both seated on a fallen log now, their feet buried in sand.

“I’d like to say that parties are lame. I don’t know why people go to these kinds of stuff.” Clarke mocked.

“People have a lot to do to entertain themselves in parties, Clarke.” Lexa muttered. “They play games, they get drunk, they become center of attention, they meet someone, they flirt, they dance, they make out, and if they get lucky they get past the third base.”

“Wow! That’s very entertaining indeed, and sometimes they also get STDs or get pregnant and ruin their lives!” Clarke scoffed sarcastically.

“For such a bright girl, you really have this dark cloud following you around.” Lexa joked.

“I’m sorry, I guess this is not just my scene.” Clarke defended.

“So, what’s your scene, Clarke?” Lexa inquired in a rather sultry tone, emphasizing the last syllable of Clarke’s name.

“I don’t know, a quiet walk in the beach, talking, hanging out, figuring things out…” Clarke pronounced.

But before Clarke could finish, Lexa had already stood up offering her hand. Clarke gave her a confused look.

“C’mon then, let’s go for a walk, at least we can have one of your fantasies come true.” Lexa winked.

Clarke Griffin almost sunk in her seat, for all she knows; the sand can swallow her now. _Was Lexa Woods actually offering her to a walk on the beach?_

Clarke offered her hand absentmindedly. “That’s it! I’ll show you a good time, Clarke.” Lexa singsonged playfully.

The beach was quiet, except for the crashing of the waves. Clarke and Lexa began their stroll, they walked side by side, too careful not to get too close.

“Do you know your constellations, Clarke?” Lexa wondered as they looked at the night sky.

“Hmm, let me see,” Clarke looked up. “I think that’s Polaris, next to the Big Dipper right there!” Clarke pointed out.

“Where?” Lexa was searching hard.

Unconsciously, Clarke did not realize that she stepped behind Lexa and held her chin only to direct her gaze towards the constellation. Lexa was aware of the sudden contact and it brought chills to her spine. Clarke was still busy pointing at constellations. “Right there, Lex!”

Music blared from the beach house.

_There's a log on the fire_

_And it burns like me for you_

_Tomorrow comes with one desire_

_To take me away (oh it's true)_

_It ain't easy to say goodbye_

_Darlin' please, don't start to cry_

_'Cause girl you know I've got to go (oh)_

_And Lord I wish it wasn't so_

As Lexa turned, she could feel Clarke’s warm breath to her cheek. Green orbs and iridescent baby blues had locked into each other in a pregnant pause. 

_Save tonight and fight the break of dawn_

_Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone_

_Save tonight and fight the break of dawn_

_Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone_

As the duo strolled not so far away from the crowd. A jealous eye had been observing them. _What was Clarke doing with Lexa?_ Wells asked himself.

Quite preoccupied with Lexa, Clarke did not notice that Cage and his pals together with Wells had joined the circle that Monty was in. It was once again Monty’s turn and he chose to go for a dare. Wells was mindful enough to whisper something to Cage and Cage guffawed at the thought as he passed on the thought to Quint who was in charge of Monty’s dare. Monty was dazed enough to take note of all the people around him.

Lexa was broken from her reverie as she suddenly heard loud cheers coming from the crowd playing truth or dare. The next thing she knew, Monty was already running towards the water in all his naked glory.

“Lexa, oh my God! Is that Monty?” Clarke tried to have out the silhouette of his friend from afar.

“It’s just a crazy game of truth or dare, Clarke. I can see Monty has game.” Lexa wondered why Clarke was panicking.

“That’s not it, Lex! Monty can’t swim!” Clarke exclaimed.

But before Lexa could respond, Monty was engulfed by a series of surges.

Lexa and Clarke raced to the water as they saw Monty struggle, being flipped by the waves. Out of nowhere, Murphy saw the commotion that Clarke and Lexa started and he jumped to their aid, leaving the girl that he was with in utter confusion.

Lexa reached their destination first; she did not hesitate to dive into the icy waters. Lexa caught Monty by the arm; she struggled to lift his head over the surface.

Most of the onlookers looked in fear; some of them instantly became sober. The others hurriedly left the beach, Cage and his company included. Wells was planted in his spot, a look of terror evident in his face but Carl Emerson was mindful to drag him away. “Let’s go Jaha!”

Finally, Lexa and Clarke were able to drag Monty out of the water. Murphy was attentive enough to remove his shirt and covered Monty with it. Clarke looked for a pulse and gave Lexa a worried look.

“Not on my watch buddy!” Murphy exclaimed as he began to perform CPR.

“He knows what he’s doing, he trained as a lifeguard once.” Lexa held Clarke back.

John adjusted Monty’s body and then he interlocked his fingers and started to give him chest compressions. He then opened his airway and administered rescue breathes. He repeated this twice until Monty finally moved and began to cough out some water.

“He’s okay! That’s it buddy.” Murphy assisted Monty as his chest had begun to rise and fall normally. “Let’s take you inside.” Murphy lifted Monty’s small frame bridal style.

“He’s going to be okay, Clarke.” Lexa did not notice that she had Clarke snuggled in her arms.

“C’mon, you two must be freezing.” Niylah draped towels over Lexa and Clarke’s shoulders as she ushered them inside.

As they walked towards the beach house, Lexa noticed Quint; she realized that he was the one who commanded the dare.

“You almost killed him, man! Are you happy now?” Lexa shoved him by the shoulder, Niylah tried to calm her.

“Is he going to be okay? I’m so sorry, it wasn’t even my idea.” Quint explained, he looked pale. 

“Then, who’s idea was it?” Lexa was about to attack Quint again.

“I was seated beside Cage, it was his idea. I swear, I never meant to harm the guy!” Quint clarified. 

Upon hearing Quint’s answer, Lexa gave Clarke a knowing look.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this lengthy chapter made up for the long overdue update. Thank you so much for reading!


	6. She's So High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Clarke?” Lexa asked again snapping Clarke from her thoughts.
> 
> “Oh, I’m sorry; I just had stuff in my mind. Of course, Lex, I did not imagine to end up here when I woke up this morning, this is nice.” Clarke almost babbled.
> 
> “I did not expect that I would end up here, too. Thank you, this is nice.” Lexa look a deep breath as she looked into the view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update, enjoy!

* * *

Track 6: She’s So High

Song: She’s So High

Artist: Tal Bachman

Released: 1999

Album: Tal Bachman

* * *

Summer vacation, next afternoon after the beach incident

Clarke was so familiar of this place, she often entered without knocking, especially if the door was unlocked but she decided to knock this time.

“Hello, Mrs. Green, I have some soup for Monty.” Clarke greeted timidly.

A stern looking woman answered the door; she gave Clarke a small smile. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, she often had an unsympathetic look but she was definitely a kind woman.

“Oh, it’s you Clarke, come in, his fever died down but he has been asleep for a few hours now.” Hannah Green led Clarke inside their house.

The Green residence was very modest, yet impeccably clean. The plain walls and cream-colored wallpaper seem the make the place look bigger. The decoration was minimal, just some family photos and some of Monty’s achievements were hung on the walls.

“I can take the soup to the kitchen, I can reheat it later. Thank you so much.” Mrs. Green took the Tupperware from Clarke and headed towards the kitchen.

Clarke stood awkwardly by the kitchen threshold. She was never alone with Mrs. Green; Monty was always there as buffer and the quietness of the woman had always made her nervous.

“I guess I will advise Monty not to frequent the beach for a while. That boy’s immune system does not do well with cold weather.” Mrs. Green noted.

Monty made Clarke promise not to let his parents know about the incident. If they find out about it, Monty might be grounded all summer or worse, might not be permitted to see Clarke and their new friends, anymore. Monty was already sober enough when the Murphy twins and Lexa had dropped them by their street that evening, so, there was no trace of the party on him whatsoever. His excuse for his sudden fever? He just told his mother that the beach was so chilly that evening.

Mrs. Green suddenly reached for her car keys by the sideboard. “Since you’re here, Clarke. Would you mind on checking on Monty? I just need to head out to grab more of his medicine.” Mrs. Green requested.

“Sure, it’s okay. I’ll check on him.” Clarke replied nervously.

“Thank you,” Mrs. Green nodded but she suddenly stopped on her tracks and placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “I know he was ill but I think there’s also something else bothering him. I haven’t seen Wells around here for two weeks. Is everything alright?”

Clarke simply shook her head.

Mrs. Green took a deep breath. “You know he only has you and Wells.”

“He’ll be fine, I guess, we are starting to expand our circle.” Clarke shared.

“New people? No funny business?” Mrs. Green questioned.

“No, funny business. Good people.” Clarke gulped.

Mrs. Green smiled. “Thank you for being there for him, Clarke.” Mrs. Green looked at Clarke endearingly. Mrs. Green was a woman of few words but she had a genuine soul, like Monty. “I’ll head out then, if I am not back soon, just lock the door when you leave.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Green.” With that, Clarke headed upstairs towards Monty’s room. She noticed that the door was slightly left ajar. “Hey, Monty! I’m coming in, are you decent?” Clarke announced her entry.

There was a muffled laugh, “Who even says that, Griffin? From which century are you from?”

“You’re okay!” Clarke exclaimed as she enveloped her pajama-clad best friend in a hug.

“I’m feeling fine, thank you.” Monty smiled as Clarke ruffled his hair. Monty was still lying down on his bed with his back on the headboard. Clarke sat on the side of the bed. Monty’s room was a stark contrast from the rest of the house, his walls were filled with game posters, action figures were lined on his dresser, and his bed sheets had Star Wars prints on them.

“Care for a game of truth or dare?” Clarke mocked.

“I was drunk!” Monty exclaimed.

“Don’t let your mom hear that.” Clarke shushed.

“I heard her leave the house.” Monty stuck out his tongue. “But we did have a great night, right?” Monty beamed.

“Well, sans your almost drowning, it was an eventful night.” Clarke looked more relaxed now.

“You were with Lexa all the time.” Monty wiggled his eyebrows at Clarke.

“She was just playing host.” Clarke jabbed Monty’s shoulder lightly.

“I just recovered, Clarke, take it easy.” Monty teased.

“That’s because you blacked out!” Clarke countered.

“No, seriously, how is it with Woods?” Monty gave his friend a sincere look.

“Wait, what do you mean by that?” Clarke realized that she has not really discussed any of her ‘tendencies’ with her friends.

“Don’t play coy with me, Clarke. I have eyes.” Monty huffed.

Clarke is indeed playing dumb; she’s not so sure what Monty is arriving at. “I’m not really sure…”

Monty decided to cut her. “Look, Clarke, when you experience near death, perhaps your life does flash in front of you like that and today, I woke up feeling lighter that I used to. I knew you kept an eye on me the entire evening and so did I. Whatever you are afraid of saying, you can say it to me, I am your best friend, after all. I see how you look at Lexa. I waited for you to bring it up, I just thought you will tell me eventually. But I just couldn’t bear seeing you like that every time, catching yourself, seemingly hopeless.” Monty smiles bashfully.

“How long have you figured me out?” Clarke was wide-eyed.

“You have been friends with me and Wells for the longest time, I guess at first, I thought maybe it was just because you miss your dad so much. I never saw you hung out with girls much, I don’t know if they are just plain boring or maybe they made you feel awkward. But I started noticing, Clarke. I do notice, especially when Lexa is around. You see, I don’t care who you like…or love. You just have to be you, that’s all.” Monty spoke with so much care.

A single tear escaped the corner of Clarke’s eye, she immediately engulfed Monty in another tight hug. “Thank you, Monty.” Clarke whispered.

“I’m always here, Clarke. I always got your back.” Monty hugged back and patted Clarke’s back. As soon as the duo separated, Monty raised another question. “So, am I right? Do you like Lexa?”

Clarke fixed her eyeglasses on the bridge of her nose. “I’m not really sure.”

“Yeah, I think it’s quite difficult to realize especially if that person does not look at you the same way you do.” Monty scoffed. “But I saw you guys all evening, if I knew as much as I knew now, I would say that she was probably all over you!” Monty jeered.

“She’s an enigma, Monty. For all I know, she’s just plain friendly. I think she’s not even into girls like that.” Clarke countered.

“Don’t be so sure, Clarke. See, Wells made us think that Lexa is just a stuck up bitch but I think he got it all wrong. You might be in for a lot of surprises.” Monty poked Clarke on her side.

“Well, I do hope so.” Clarke mumbled. “But enough about her, I came here for you. I’m really sorry about what happened.”

“Not your fault, I’m not sure if it’s anyone’s fault really. I guess I just got too inebriated to think. Thank you for saving me anyway.” Monty grinned.

“It wasn’t just me, it was Murphy who really saved you and of course, Lexa who pulled you out of the water.” Clarke explained.

“Oh, yeah! They called me up this morning.” Monty jolted up.

“Who?” Clarke was a bit confused.

“Murphy and Lexa, well, Murphy called to check on me first and then Lexa, or was it the other way around. But anyway, they seem sincere, I like them!” Monty beamed.

“Yeah, I guess they are not so bad.” Clarke realized.

“John cares more than he thinks. Lexa on the other hand, she cares a lot. Lexa’s not who we really think she is, that girl is layers upon layers. But I do think she really has a good heart, just doesn’t wear it up her sleeve.” Monty explained.

“Wow! That’s some sage enlightenment, coming from you.” Clarke chuckles.

“Near death, I tell you, it changes you!” Monty laughs.

“Hey, Monty, what we realized today, it stays between us, right? I mean for now, until I’m ready I guess.” Clarke wondered.

“What? That you’re most likely a lesbian or if we think Lexa likes you back?” Monty jokes. Monty always manages to make the situation seem lighter and Clarke knows that he does indeed support her genuinely.

“About what I think my sexuality is.” Clarke clarifies.

“Of course, I can pinky swear on that, will keep it safe with me.” Monty pounds his palm on his chest. “If you don’t figure it out in high school, you might in college, just take one of those psychology classes on gender and sexuality, they have those.” Count on Monty to give strange advice.

“You’re so full of crap!” Clarke laughs.

“Well, this crap is your faithful friend.” Monty jests.

“Disgusting but I’ll take it.” After everything that transpired in the past few days, Clarke definitely felt very relieved.

* * *

The next day

“You shouldn’t play with your food, Clarke.” Abby Griffin reprimands her daughter as she places her now empty cup of coffee into the kitchen sink. Clarke had been looking mindlessly at her soggy bowl of cereal, playing with the milk using her spoon, looking forlorn.

“Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you be getting ready, shouldn’t you be on your way to that Pop Art exhibit downtown?” Clarke wouldn’t shut up about a travelling art exhibit at the National Gallery for the past month. It featured many of her favorite artists including some sketches of Andy Warhol, Roy Fox Lichtenstein and Jasper Johns. Wells and Monty had promised to accompany her as they typically did whenever one of them got something big coming up. But with the sudden turn of events, Clarke was friendless that day.

“Monty is recovering from a fever,” Clarke mumbled, “And Wells, well; I don’t know where Wells is.”

“Oh, Clarke,” Abby approached her daughter. “You guys are growing up; sometimes falling out with friends is natural. You grow to like different things, come up with different values and beliefs. Especially with the boys, your priorities will be different soon and they might not understand that anymore.”

“I don’t think it’s anything like that but thanks, mom.” Clarke smiled weakly.

“Nothing wrong with going on your own you know. Try to enjoy the things that you like while you can.” Abby pat Clarke’s back. “I would very much like to accompany you but work beckons. Sometimes we just need to be comfortable being alone at some points in our life.”

Clarke then realized what her mother was actually referring to, “Mom, I really do miss him every day. Do you feel alone, mom?”

“Yes, I do miss, dad. I sometimes have a hard time to get to do things on my own since he is not around anymore. But I don’t feel alone at all, I have you.” Abby left a light peck on her daughter’s forehead.

Clarke simply beamed at her mother.

“Say what, here’s an extra twenty. Get yourself a poster or a memento or something. We can talk about your museum trip at dinner.” Abby took out two ten dollar bills from her wallet and placed it on the table in front of Clarke.

“Thanks, mom! Take care!” Clarke exclaimed as Abby walked towards the front door with her workbag in tow.

As soon as Abby opened the front door, a petite brunette almost fell on her face as she was about to knock on the front door. She was clad in a green turtle neck sweater tucked under her high-waist denim jeans with a thin brown belt propping her trousers neatly. She looked like a deer caught in headlights, her green eyes wide with surprise.

“Can I help you?” Abby recognized the teen but she waited for her to introduce herself.

“Good morning, Mrs. Griffin! I am Lexa Woods. Is Clarke home?” The brunette was able to compose herself.

“Oh hello, Lexa. I’m glad that Clarke finally has a girlfriend.” Abby shook Lexa’s hand.

“Excuse me?” Lexa was dumbfounded; she did not know what Abby meant exactly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, for us old gals, girlfriend just meant a female friend but I guess at this time it could also simply means just how it means, not that I mind at all, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I’m just used to Clarke hanging out with the boys and having an actual female friend is a rare occurrence.” Abby beamed.

Lexa was simply stunned at Abby’s words; she just nodded and smiled from where she stood.

“Oh, silly me, I’ll be heading out now, I’m running late.” Abby beckoned Lexa to step aside so she can pass then she shouted back for Clarke to hear. “Clarke! Lexa’s here! I’ll see you later!”

Before Abby could take any more steps further, she raced back towards Lexa and handed her another twenty-dollar bill. “Oh, if you’re here to accompany her at the gallery, go get yourselves some snacks later.” She placed the bill in Lexa’s hand and rushed to their car, leaving a very confused Lexa at their front door.

“Lexa, hey, what are you doing here?” Clarke was wearing a blue tank top and a pair of blue plaid pajama bottoms. Her hair was tied in a messy ponytail and her thick-rimmed glasses hung above her nose.

“Hi, Clarke!” Lexa greeted with furrowed brows. “Your mom just gave me twenty bucks and said that I need to take you to the gallery.” Lexa lifted the bill to Clarke’s line of sight.

“She said what?” Clarke looked bewildered and rushed to check to see if her mother was still there but her car was already gone.

“She’s a very trusting woman.” Lexa chuckled.

“She usually pays my friends to take me out,” Clarke blurted out and then she mentally face palmed herself when she realized how it sounded. “I mean she typically pays Monty to accompany me to some places, as if he needs paying but the twerp just likes the extra cash.”

“So, you are that anti-social, huh?” Lexa chuckled.

“What?” Clarke conjectured. “Anyway, what brings you here? Also, you know where I live?” Clarke speculated.

“You're funny, we picked you up a few nights ago, remember? Well, I visited Monty, I heard he got a fever, just dropped by some supplies for him and then he told me that you were probably home and I thought of saying ‘hi’ but then I stumbled upon your mom.” Lexa beamed.

“Oh, sorry about being weird, sorry about my mom. Thanks for checking up on Monty by the way.” Clarke cleared her throat; she was less nervous now. “Oh, sorry, would you like to come in? The house is a bit of a mess, though.” Clarke ushered Lexa into the living room.

As Lexa entered the Griffin residence, she noticed how cozy it felt. Probably just the right size for Clarke and her mother. The printed wallpaper and the wooden panels made the interior felt warmer. The corridor was lined with family photos; a young Clarke and her parents, Clarke with a big black dog, Clarke with Monty and Wells in what appears to be a picnic, and Clarke’s portrait probably when she was still in middle school, Lexa remembered that girl, quiet but amiable.

“Would you like something to drink? I’m in the middle of breakfast but my cereal seems to be too sodden already.” Clarke explained.

“Just a glass of water, please. Would you mind if I join you in the kitchen instead?” Lexa muttered.

“Sure, why not.” Clarke lead her into a kitchen filled with white cupboards and a farmhouse sink. There was a small round breakfast table for two in the middle and one large window allowed for all the natural light to seep through.

“Your house is charming.” Lexa remarked.

“You mean it’s small, well, compared to your place,” Clarke disputed as she poured some water into a glass and handed it to Lexa.

“It’s not small, Clarke. It’s cozy and warm, like actual people really live in it.” Lexa commented. Clarke knew what Lexa meant; the Woods’ house though big and luxurious was seemingly always empty as of late. “You always see me in my habitat; it’s pretty interesting to see you in yours.” Lexa smiled.

“Well, welcome to my natural habitat. I’m glad you feel comfortable.” Clarke smirked.

“So, you should be getting ready. Your mom said I should take you to this gallery?” Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“She was just joking, Lex. I’m so sorry about that.” Clarke apologized.

“So, you’re not going to this gallery?” Lexa prodded.

“Well, I’m going to the National Gallery for this Pop Art exhibition but you are not obligated to.” Clarke felt uneasy, Abby always puts her in awkward situations and now she’s here at her home alone with Lexa where the succeeding events might eventually end up with another non-date.

“Well, I am obligated Clarke, someone gave me a hefty price for it.” Lexa sniggered.

* * *

How Clarke found herself standing side by side with Lexa in front Andy Warhol’s sketch of a cat seemed too good to be true. Clarke wore a colorful coogi sweater over a pair of jeans and some boots.

“I read about Warhol’s works being called as aesthetic frauds.” Lexa stated with her hands tucked in her jeans’ back pockets. “What do you think, Clarke?”

“Well, there’s so much politics when it comes to Pop Art but then I just think he democratized art.” Clarke answered.

“So, you think he did not cheapen it at all? His studio was called The Factory, right?” Lexa prodded.

“Well, people have various takes about his methods and concepts but if you look into Warhol’s childhood, he had a hard time, the different soups he ate in his lifetime inspired one of his iconic popular works. He just made things more accessible, I suppose.” Clarke muttered under her breath.

“So, you like the guy?” Lexa questioned.

“I read about the lives of artists, I like art. I’m interested but I don’t really have a favorite. How about you? You seem to know a lot about art.” Clarke threw the question back.

“I just like to read, well, you already know that.” Lexa replied. “So, you’re going to be an artist, Clarke?”

“Mom says I could take up medicine, be a physician, I think I can manage. Art is just something I like. How about you, Lex?” Clarke answered.

“Well, I think you’ll do great in both. As for me, of course mother wants me in business. She used to want to me take care of everything in the future but since Jaha Junior is in the picture now, I might have an out.” Lexa enlightened.

“So, not business then?” Clarke pressed.

“No, not business,” Lexa was hesitating, “…you’ll laugh at me.”

“I’m the nerd, Lex, remember?” Clarke bantered.

“Alright, well, I thought of being a playwright or maybe a screenwriter, I don’t know yet but I just want to write. Mother thinks I don’t need a degree for that, that I could do it if I want to but I just think she still wants me to consider managing the business.” Lexa shared apprehensively.

“A screenwriter, wow! I think you do have the knack for it, Lex.” Clarke exclaimed.

“You think so?” Lexa smiled coyly.

“Of course! You’re cryptic, you talk in riddles sometimes, your life is full of drama. You have all the materials for it. Plus, you can make full commentaries of all your movies in the future.” Clarke joked and Lexa realized her reference which earned her a soft jab on the shoulder. “Sorry, kidding aside, I think you’ll do well, you have the heart for it. You typically see things in a different light, you can share it with people, it’s worth sharing.”

“If I don’t know any better, I think you’re the only person who has an inkling about who I am, Griffin.” Lexa muffled.

Of course, this comment was obscure but Clarke knows that Lexa is not someone who just lets her walls down. “More than John and Niylah?”

“Hmm, maybe, you seem to get me most of the time.” Lexa looked intensely into Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke was frozen in place, it seemed like at that moment Lexa had a tight hold on her and she couldn’t move. She did not know what to say next. _What should she say after a remark like that? Does Lexa feel it, too? The growing intense emotion that Clarke could not explain._

“Hey, Clarke.” Lexa finally broke them from their reverie.

“Yeah?” Clarke managed to utter.

“I’m getting hungry; let’s go spend your mom’s money.” Lexa laughed quietly.

* * *

_She comes to speak to me  
I freeze immediately  
'Cause what she says sounds so unreal  
'Cause somehow I can't believe that anything should happen  
I know where I belong and nothing's gonna happen  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_'Cause she's so high  
High above me, she's so lovely  
She's so high  
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite  
Oh yeah, yeah  
She's so high  
High above me_

A song was blaring from Lexa’s car radio. Lexa propped the trunk of her car open and she was sitting there beside Clarke looking at the vista of the sea some miles from the town center of Arkadia. The sun was still up and the wind was blowing in a steady rhythm. Clarke and Lexa decided to pick up some burgers and cola and they headed out to see the beach. Some seagulls were meandering by the shore, as they looked on an overhang at the side of the road.

“Are you having a good day, Clarke?” Lexa eventually asked.

The rest of the afternoon was strangely platonic; they walked downtown, talked about art, talked about movies, talked about their viewpoints in almost everything. When Lexa asked if they could drive somewhere quiet, Clarke did not think that they were heading to this part of Arkadia. It was discreet, a few people jogging around the shore, others were walking their dogs, they were far from everyone else; they were virtually alone. If Clarke did not know any better, this seemed like a perfect romantic setting; the afternoon sun, simple burgers, being alone with Lexa. But she knew that it was all in her head, Lexa probably just wanted to escape her fortress of a home, Lexa probably did not want to be alone today and Clarke just happens to be there. Come to think of it, Lexa sought her out but no matter the circumstance, this very moment just ended up as a result of very strange and unusual events, just that.

“Hey, Clarke?” Lexa asked again snapping Clarke from her thoughts.

“Oh, I’m sorry; I just had stuff in my mind. Of course, Lex, I did not imagine to end up here when I woke up this morning, this is nice.” Clarke almost babbled.

“I did not expect that I would end up here, too. Thank you, this is nice.” Lexa look a deep breath as she looked into the view.

Clarke could not help but to stare at her profile and admire her, how her skin glows under the warmth of the sun. Clarke yearns to touch it so bad but she knows better.

“Hey, Lex, I apologize for asking but what are we doing?” Clarke eventually mutters.

“Huh?” Lexa looked surprised. Then, Clarke saw it in her eyes, panic. _Oh no, no, no, she must have freaked Lexa out. That was borderline creepy wasn’t it?_

“Shit! I’m sorry!” Clarke directed her look elsewhere.

“Oh no, there’s nothing wrong, Clarke.” Clarke almost choked on her own saliva with Lexa’s next move. She went ahead and grabbed Clarke’s left hand. Lexa’s hand felt soft and warm, actually, Lexa’s hand is very warm, warmer than average. Clarke was once again frozen in place, she could feel her glasses fog up with the deep breaths she was taking. “Look, I like hanging out with you, I can’t really explain it. It feels like I’ve known you for such a long time. I suppose you would think it’s weird.”

“No, Lex, I don’t think it’s weird at all.” Clarke tightened her grip. “You’re right, you get me, too, you know. I like being alone with you.”

Lexa flashed an endearing smile, a smile that reached her eyes. “I like being alone with you, too, Clarke.” She whispered as the sun was about to set.

It took everything for Clarke to stop herself from kissing Lexa at the very moment, little did she know that when they were driving home, Lexa had the same thought in her mind.

* * *


	7. Semi-Charmed Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey,” Lexa greeted her.
> 
> “Hi, am I the first one here?” Clarke uttered nervously, adjusting her eyeglasses.
> 
> “I guess so, come in.” Lexa motioned.
> 
> “I can wait here.” Clarke panicked.
> 
> “Come on, we need to talk.” Without much uncertainty, Lexa pulled Clarke inside and shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in sort of a streak, so, let's take advantage of this moment.

* * *

Track 7: Semi-Charmed Life

Song: Semi-Charmed Life

Artist: Third Eye Blind

Released: 1997

Album: Third Eye Blind

* * *

_I'm packed and I'm holding  
I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden  
She lives for me, says she lives for me  
Ovation, her own motivation  
She comes round and she goes down on me_

_And I make her smile, like a drug for you  
Do ever what you wanna do, coming over you  
Keep on smiling, what we go through  
One stop to the rhythm that divides you_

_And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse  
Chop another line like a coda with a curse  
Come on like a freak show takes the stage  
We give them the games we play, she said_

_I want something else to get me through this  
Semi-charmed kinda life, baby, baby  
I want something else, I'm not listening when you say good-bye_

Senior year, the following school year

Summer had gone as soon as it came. After the afternoon at the beach, Clarke and Monty had hung out a couple more times with Lexa, Niylah, and John. They went to the mall several times, held movie marathons and sleepovers at the John and Niylah’s house, attended a couple more parties and nobody really got wasted anymore. However, as much as the time they spent with their friends, Clarke felt that Lexa was not the same after that afternoon spent at the beach. She talked to Clarke about many things, books, movies, and almost anything but they were never alone together anymore. Lexa always held her at a safe distance, usually, Monty was there as buffer, if John and Niylah were not around. Lexa somehow became more cheerful than before but Clarke could feel that it was all some sort of an act. _Did she indeed creep Lexa out that afternoon and Lexa was just too kind not to call her out?_ It bothered Clarke for the rest of the summer and she couldn’t get it out of her head until the first day of senior year.

Yes, it was their senior year; they came back in a new crowd. They became household names; people instantly knew whom they were, hanging out with Lexa and the twins. But they were not the only ones, people knew Wells Jaha as well. He stuck with Cage and his gang; he was one of them. To Clarke’s dejection, it was so hard to accept that their trio might not really get back together at all. Her summer was indeed eventful but it doesn’t mean that she enjoyed it very much, as Abby would put it, they were all eventually growing up and sometimes it also meant outgrowing each other. At least, they would be ready once they leave Arkadia for college.

“Hey, earth to Clarke!” Monty was waving his hand in front of Clarke’s face.

Clarke was absentmindedly mashing her potatoes with her fork. Her thoughts were so far away as she sat at the lunch table with Monty, John, Niylah and Lexa. Lexa eyed her with concern but she tried to conceal it.

“Huh?” Clarke snapped out of her thoughts. “I’m sorry, you were saying.”

“Cage Wallace is throwing some shindig this weekend, should we go?” John informed.

“Why?” Clarke still looked dazed.

“Well, he thinks he’s the new Roan now, probably just emphasizing his status. Says it’s a back to school party or whatever. All the seniors are invited.” Niylah added.

“Would it be worth our time?” Lexa scoffed.

“A party is a party, Lex!” John exclaimed and Monty nodded in agreement.

“Since when have you been into all the parties, Monty?” Clarke glared at Monty.

“Since I started getting invited to them?” Monty jested.

“Remember, what happened at the beach house?” Lexa unconsciously backed Clarke up.

“I’ll keep him safe!” John draped his arm over Monty’s shoulder.

“That’s if you are not too busy pushing your tongue into some girl’s throat.” His twin retorted.

“He saved my life once, he can do it again.” Monty joked. “Plus, I know better now, I’m not a child you know. We went to a couple more parties last summer.” Monty defended.

“Don’t worry, if it ends up looking bad, we can dash and start our own.” John pronounced.

“Okay” Niylah gave in. Monty and John shared a fist bump.

Clarke was silent again; her mind was elsewhere.

“Hey Clarke, what you think?” Lexa addressed her for the first time during lunch.

“Huh?” Clarke realized that Lexa was talking to her. “Sure, I’ll be there.” She replied meekly.

“That’s settled then, I’ll pick everybody up!” John declared.

“Please don’t bring the jeep again.” Lexa protested.

“Don’t worry, Lex. I’ll take care of the transportation.” Niylah hummed as she took a spoonful from her yogurt cup.

“Thanks” Lexa replied, as she glanced at Clarke who is still seemingly spacing out a lot lately.

* * *

“Hey, Clarkey!”

Clarke’s last class was AP Biology, which she did not share with anyone else. She took the class for her possible career in medicine to ease Abby. But Clarke actually applied to the Rhode Island School of Design, she just wanted to make sure that she was making the right choice and covering all the bases. She has read about their art program, she’s just making options, that’s what she keeps on telling herself. Clarke was walking out of her classroom deep in thought once again, and then she heard a familiar voice.

“Hey,” She greeted weakly.

“Are you okay?” Monty was almost out of breath, he held on to the straps of his backpack. He had a baseball cap on, a lose V-neck plain red t-shirt and a pair of denims.

“I’m fine, I think.” Clarke murmured. Clarke did not take much effort in fixing herself up that day. Even if they were already hanging out with Lexa and the twins, they did not try to look differently than what they were comfortable in. Clarke had a denim jacket over a stripped t-shirt and a plaid short skirt.

“You seemed to be all out of sorts, recently. Is something bothering you?” Monty probed.

Clarke suddenly looked around if they were out of earshot. Luckily, only a few students were walking along that corridor. She decided to confide with Monty.

“She’s been weird around me.” Clarke whispered.

“By ‘she’, do you mean Lexa?” Monty whispered back and Clarke nodded.

“She seems normal to me, stoic, distant, I don’t know.” Monty furrowed his brows.

“We haven’t hung out since that day at the gallery.” Clarke explained.

“Oh, you guys don’t hang out alone, anymore? Wait, did you?” Monty realized.

“Well, a couple of times, I don’t know, if I can call it that. Those meetings seem to be unintended but we hung out anyway.” Clarke bit her lip in frustration.

“So, that’s what’s bothering you! Is she awkward now? What happened, anyway? If you don’t mind me asking.” Monty was still speaking in a low voice.

“Well, that day, when she visited you, she came to my house. We ended up going to the gallery together, well, since you were sick and Wells is out of the picture. After the gallery, we ended up at the beach, ate some burgers, talked and we shared a moment.” Clarke recounted.

“Wow! A moment? What sort of moment?” Monty looked excited.

“Well, we held hands, for quite some time. We watched the sun set, held hands and we went home.” Clarke described.

“That’s it?” Monty was confused.

“What do you mean, ‘that’s it’? We held hands, Monty. Two girls holding hands watching the sun set. I never held hands with you like that and don’t tell me that’s it platonic between girls!” Clarke explained.

“Of course not! It must mean something. Have you said anything to her after that?” Monty asked.

“We hung out as a group the rest of the summer but we never really talked about it anymore. Should I talk to her about it? What if she was creeped out?” Clarke was worried.

“I guess it’s worth a shot. I mean maybe she’s as confused as you are or as scared as you are. I mean it’s not easy figuring out you’re gay or bisexual or whatever. She did have a boyfriend before, she must be as confused as you are,” Monty analyzed.

“I don’t know, maybe if I confront her, I might just complicate things or worse, ruin it. I mean, John is growing on you, Mont. They might all get mad at us and think that I’m a freak!” Clarke almost sobbed.

“Hey, hey,” Monty held Clarke’s shoulder. “Look at me,” He lifted her chin up. “You are no freak. You are my friend and I know how cool you are and how great you are. If Lexa ends up being homophobic, well, she might have just led you on or maybe you saw the signals the wrong way. But you need to know that, you need to hear it from her. For all we know, she might be as muddled as you are as well. If they do end up kicking us out, then they’re shallow after all and I’m done with those kind of people. Do what you have to do, Clarke. No matter the consequences, I have your back. If we get bullied again, well, we just have a year left, anyway. It’s nothing we’re not used to. It was fun while it lasted,” Monty advised in a hushed tone.

“You’re right, I should talk to her.” Clarke muttered.

“Don’t worry, when we move on to college, things will be different, people will be different, and none of this would matter anymore.” Monty tried to cheer Clarke up. “As far as I’ve heard, girls in college are always up for some experimentation. It’s Lexa’s loss if she misses out!”

“Oh, shut up!” Clarke swatted Monty’s arm playfully.

“Clarkey, Clarkey, Clarkey, what would you do without me?” Monty teased.

“Nothing, Mont. Basically, nothing. Thank you!” Clarke gave Monty and quick hug.

* * *

“Is something on your mind, Lex?” Niylah slurs as she sits in a booth at the diner with Lexa.

True to his unpredictable nature, John had left his sister and Lexa on their own as soon as they got to the diner at afternoon. Lexa invited them without actually explaining why, Niylah sensed that something was wrong but John was rather oblivious or maybe he was sensitive enough to feel that Lexa actually needed Niylah for this stuff. So, just like that, he disappeared somewhere as soon as they arrived.

“Or someone?” Niylah added.

“What do you mean?” Lexa remained stoic.

“I know something’s bothering you, so quit wasting our time and spill. Is this about Clarke?” Niylah went straight to the point.

“What about her?” Lexa continued to be evasive. Niylah knew her friend; she knew how to read Lexa. Something was bothering her, she could tell but it was always painfully hard to extract the truth from her.

“Tell you what, you can fight it as long as you want, Lex but you will only prolong the agony and as soon as you realize it, she had already slipped through your fingers.” Niylah expounded.

“I don’t follow…” Lexa was scared, she could tell, so Niylah cut her off.

“Yes, you do and you’re scared to tell me because once you blurt it out, then it’s out there and it becomes the truth.” Niylah declared. “Look, I know it isn’t easy.” Lexa was about to interrupt but Niylah stopped her. “Look, I know it isn’t easy because I have been there. I know that you don’t want John here so, I asked him to go. John is privy with my truths, he’s been for a while now, we waited for the right time to tell you but I guess, the moment is now.” Lexa looked baffled.

“Remember that kiss we shared at sixth grade? I said I was just comforting you and you told me you were already over it, well, I’m over it too, Lex, don’t get me wrong. But that kiss, it actually helped me a lot, Lex, it made me realize the most important thing. At that moment, I just thought I acted out of concern that I simply wanted to comfort you. Well, I could have given you a hug or more comforting words, but I kissed you, Lex. I wanted to comfort you because I care about you and I kissed you and you know what, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. And it helped me because you did not run away, you did not fear me, you did not ridicule me and I felt safe with you. At some point, I really thought it was you but then I was able to rationalize how I felt. I indeed love you but like a sister. Also, I realized that I was indeed capable of liking a girl, thinking about a girl, loving a girl.” At this point, Niylah took a deep breath; felt like something so big was off her chest.

Lexa remained speechless; she did not know how to react.

“I don’t really know what’s going on, Lex, between you and Clarke. But I see how she looks at you and I see how you look at her and it’s the same way how I look at girls, well, a girl.” Niylah explained.

“You found someone, Niy?” Lexa finally found her voice.

“I met someone, Lex. Someone who makes me feel safe.” Niylah beamed. “I know people don’t expect this of us. Being the most popular girls at school, they expect us to have douche boyfriends and later on end up as trophy wives to some hedge-fund millionaires. High school will always be high school, people talk, people judge; they fit us inside certain boxes, so we play the roles. But when this is all over, we’ll all grow up and then things will change, Things are changing slowly as we speak.” Niylah comforted her friend.

“I know, Niy. It’s just I can’t seem to wrap my head around this. How do I even know that I’m reading Clarke correctly? I mean I don’t even know if she sees me that way.” Lexa scoffed.

“You really are stupid sometimes, Woods. Have you seen how she looks at you? I’ve seen her before; she was looking at you a long time ago, even before you saw her.” Niylah retorted.

“So, tell me. How is it?” Lexa whispered.

“Being with a girl?” Niylah laughed and Lexa nodded. “It’s different, Lex. She gets me.”

“Where did you meet her? Is she at school?” Lexa was intrigued now.

“She’s a sophomore in college. Do you remember when mom and I checked out Columbia University last year? I met her during the tour; she was one of the student guides. We just knew at that point on. She’s into a lot of activism for gay and lesbian rights. She took me to a gathering once, I met many interesting people there. Also, she’s from Arkadia.” Niylah looked excited. Lexa had never seen her friend look this excited for a long while.

“So, when you disappear sometimes, you go and see her?” Lexa realized.

“She was here last summer; she was actually at the beach house that night. I wanted you to meet her but then Monty’s accident happened.” Niylah recalled.

“What?” Lexa grasped. “So, do we ever get to meet her at all?”

“John has hung out with us but don’t worry, I’ll make arrangements.” Niylah smiled at the thought.

“That’s great, Niy. You look happy.” Lexa beamed at her friend.

“And you will be, too, eventually. I just think that Clarke is worth a shot. If you are sure about what you feel, Lex, there is nothing wrong about it. It is not just an either-or set-up. You could be bisexual for all we know.” Niylah explains.

“I thought about that, too. I’m just so scared about how Clarke might take it.” Lexa hesitated.

“Trust me, Lex. Just talk to her, already.” Niylah reached out for my friend’s hands across the table. 

“Thanks, Niy. Things are starting to make sense now.” Lexa concludes.

* * *

At the night of Cage’s party, the group had decided to meet up at Lexa’s instead but little did Clarke know that she was directed to be about an hour early at Lexa’s.

For the first time, Clarke Griffin realized how massive the wooden front door of the Woods’ residence was. Wells’ Camry was no longer in front parking, Clarke was thankful that she won’t be encountering him at all. Lexa’s Mustang was parked near the door but John’s Jeep was nowhere in sight as well. Clarke drove to Lexa’s place since Monty made an excuse that he and John were picking up some stuff before heading to Lexa’s. Clarke hesitated to ring the doorbell, she just hoped that Niylah was already there, just to act as some sort of buffer. She didn’t know how to talk to Lexa anymore, even if she had this resolution with Monty that she would confront her soon. But before Clarke could ring the doorbell, the door already swung open revealing a stunning Alexandria Woods. Lexa’s outfit was just simple; she had a black tailored jacket over a black sleek tube top and black pants. Her flat stomach peeped under her top, it took all of Clarke’s strength to resist looking more than what was necessary. Her brown hair draped over her shoulders and her makeup just looked natural. Clarke on the other hand just wore a simple white t-shirt; she had a leather jacket over it and a pair of washed denims.

“Hey,” Lexa greeted her.

“Hi, am I the first one here?” Clarke uttered nervously, adjusting her eyeglasses.

“I guess so, come in.” Lexa motioned.

“I can wait here.” Clarke panicked.

“Come on, we need to talk.” Without much uncertainty, Lexa pulled Clarke inside and shut the door.

Without looking back at Clarke, Lexa just led her to her room. Clarke realized how empty the immense house was again, their footsteps echoed as they walked the halls. It must be hard for Lexa, always so alone in this much space. Clarke followed without question but her heart was beating so fast, it could burst out of her body any moment now. When they reached Lexa’s room, Lexa motioned for Clarke to sit on the bed as she shut the door.

Clarke could see Lexa take a deep breath as she leaned on the closed door. “I must be scaring you, Clarke but I guess we would need the privacy.”

Clarke thought that nobody else was in the empty house, why would they need such privacy but perhaps Lexa’s room gave her comfort.

“If this is about what happened last summer…” Clarke began but Lexa rushed to her and shushed her with a finger on her lips.

“Sorry but can I talk first? Before I lose my nerve.” Lexa took another deep breath.

Clarke just nodded in agreement.

“I’m sorry about how I have been acting the past couple of weeks. I know that despite hanging out with our friends, I just went cold on you. I was there but it felt like I wasn’t there, I’m so sorry about that.” Lexa was grasping for words, she was so nervous. “Anyway, I thought about it and I actually talked to Niylah about it and what she told me just made sense. I know I’m just blabbering and nothing is coherent at this point.” Lexa made another sharp intake of breath. “But what happened that afternoon, Clarke at the beach, meant so much to me that I haven’t stopped thinking about it since it happened. I know you probably thought that I was weird or creepy or strange and I thought about it every day. I knew what I felt at that moment and I don’t know if you felt it, too. After this, I know that you will never look at me the same way again. You may talk about me and I won’t blame you, I don’t really care about my reputation anymore at this point. What I am trying to say is…” Lexa took a series of jagged breaths. “What I am trying to say is, that afternoon; I held your hand because I wanted to. I did not let go of it because I wanted to. Clarke Griffin, I asked you there, I sat beside you because I wanted to and it felt right and I want to do it again, just to sit there and be with you.” Lexa finally shuddered and at that point, she realized that she was already kneeling in front of Clarke.

Clarke was speechless; this is not how she imagined her night to pan out. She planned to talk to Lexa but she did not know that Lexa would get to her first. Everything felt quite surreal; Lexa Woods was there, almost kneeling in front of her, pouring her heart out.

“Clarke?” Lexa looked petrified, _was Clarke taking this the wrong way_?

Then, without warning, Clarke just surged forward and enveloped her in a very tight hug. “You’re kind of oblivious if you really doubt that I don’t feel the same way.” Clarke whispered to her ear.

“Really?” Lexa was taken aback.

“I think I’m the creepy one, Lex. Well, to be blunt, I think I was attracted to you since high school started but honestly, I didn’t really realize it then. I just came into terms with myself rather quite recently as well. I was so scared to tell you, I prepared myself, I knew I might drive you away.” Clarke admitted.

“Well, that’s refreshing news.” Lexa beamed.

“So, what do we do now?” Clarke wondered.

“Well, I never really thought of that. I mean how do we do this? Are we dating? Are we ready to show people, to tell people?” Lexa asked.

“Monty sort of knows how I feel about you.” Clarke confessed.

“I’ve told Niylah and I guess maybe John sort of knows, too. But with other people, I am not so sure.” Lexa realized.

“I think we shouldn’t force ourselves to act differently right away. I mean we know how we feel about each other, we can probably worry about other people later.” Clarke recommended.

“I guess so. How do you think Wells would react?” Lexa gathered.

“I’m not even sure; he changed a lot over the summer. I think I don’t even know him anymore.” Clarke muttered. “So, what do we call this, Lex. You and I?” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand.

“Can we take this as we go along? I mean I like you, Clarke, not how I like other people.” Lexa thought as she held on to Clarke’s hand tightly.

“Well, okay, maybe that’s it then, for now. I like you, too and not how I like other people.” Clarke smiled and at this point, it felt like she had released a breath that she was holding for a very long time.

* * *


	8. Basket Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe, I don’t know, Mont,” Clarke mumbled. “But you know what; I’m done with what other people think. This is just so tedious.”
> 
> “What do you mean, Clarkey?” Monty got up and rested his weight on his elbow.
> 
> “I have accepted my truth, Mont and I would just act the way that I want to. I’m done with all the charades.” Clarke concluded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update, enjoy!

* * *

Track 8: Basket Case

Song: Basket Case

Artist: Green Day

Released: 1994

Album: Dookie

* * *

The party was already in full swing when the group arrived at Cage Wallace’s place. The Wallace residence was located in a cul-de-sac; the driveway was already filled with cars as they arrived. Cage’s house had the typical gable roof, brick façade, French windows, and a vast lawn. A few people were already sitting on the lawn, talking, arguing and someone was even puking by the curb. Lexa was relieved that Niylah borrowed their parents Land Cruiser, John’s Jeep was so tedious to hop on and off from. When the duo met their friends that evening, the group knew that their plan had worked and Clarke and Lexa seem to be in such a good mood, walking hand in hand, as they left Lexa’s house. Monty kept winking at Clarke as he rode shotgun while John drove. Niylah could not help giving Lexa knowing looks as she sat in between the blondes. Though they had decided not to say anything to their friends at that moment, the trio could feel that the air had been lighter.

“This seems to be a mess.” John remarked as they walked towards the front door.

“Cage Wallace does not know how to be discreet.” Niylah commented.

“If things get ugly, we meet at the car.” Lexa murmured, as Clarke walked behind her with some distance.

They did talk about their feelings but showing how they felt about each other around other people is another story. Some kids in Arkadia are not that welcoming or open-minded. When Nathan Miller came out to the student body when he was a freshman, things got ugly for him. He was always the butt of the jokes of the jocks and bullies at school. When Nathan got together with Eric Jackson from the all-boys preparatory school next door, things got uglier. Eric got suspended for always getting into fights and all the bullying eventually resulted for Nathan to transfer schools the following year. People never talked about it anymore, it was like a thing of the past. Neither Clarke nor Lexa was prepared for that at the moment.

“What do you mean if things get ugly?” Monty looked worried.

“Well, this is loud, it’s messy, Wallace’s lawn is chaos.” John noted. "take it from someone who constantly holds parties."

“You got the spare key, right?” Niylah addressed her brother like they were talking in code.

John just flashed her a sly smile and patted on his jean pocket.

“If I tell you to run, you run and never look back, okay buddy?” John draped an arm over Monty’s shoulder; Monty just nodded in reply.

“Don’t scare him, John.” Lexa reprimanded and she moved to ring the doorbell.

Within a few moments, someone immediately opened the door and they were greeted by the severe face of Wells Jaha.

“Hello, Jaha Junior, I see that you’re promoted to Wallace’s new doorman!” John teased.

“Seems to suit you well, brother.” Lexa mocked.

Wells just gave Monty a stern look, John’s arm was still draped over his shoulder.

“I could shut the door at your face!” Wells spat back.

Suddenly, a quite plastered Cage Wallace emerges behind him and patted Wells on the shoulder.

“There, there, buddy, they’re royalty and of course, they are fashionably late. Important people always like making an entrance. Come now, time to partake from Wallace hospitality. What can I get you, Murph?” Cage gestured for Wells to step aside and led John inside with Monty in tow. The others followed behind them.

Clarke being the last to enter, paused and gave Wells a once over. He was wearing a Chicago Bulls basketball jersey top, it read Number 33, Pippen at the back. Clarke looked at Cage and realized that he was wearing a jersey top as well; it read Number 23, Jordan at the back.

“So, you think you are the Pippen to his Jordan?” Clarke mumbled enough for only Wells to hear. “You’re aware that you are not even in the basketball team, right?” Clarke taunted.

Wells gave her a sharp look, he looked like he wanted to say something but Clarke noted that he was probably caught off guard, he wasn’t sharp enough to make a comeback. So, he looked like he was just gritting his teeth.

“Have fun while it lasts.” Clarke slurred as she continued to walk inside.

Clarke realized that Lexa was waiting for her at the corridor. John, Niylah and Monty had already disappeared into a living room full of people. The music was deafening, _Daft Punk’s Around the World_ was blasting through the speakers.

“What was that about?” Lexa raised an eyebrow at Clarke.

“Just greeting an old friend.” Clarke gave a wry smile.

“C’mon, stay close, I don’t want to lose you in this crowd.” Lexa reached out for Clarke’s hand.

The living room was packed and people were dancing, someone was operating the sound booth. Even the stairs leading to the second floor was crammed.

“Want to get some drinks?” Lexa invited.

“Should we?” Clarke wondered.

“Niylah is going to drive us back.” Lexa reasoned.

“Are you sure it’s okay to be seen like this?” Clarke looked tensed.

“I’m with Niylah all the time, what makes this any different? Plus, people are always too dumb to notice, Clarke.” Lexa whispered; she stood so close next to Clarke that Clarke felt intoxicated with the scent of her fruity perfume.

“Whatever you say.” Clarke murmured in agreement.

When they reached the kitchen, Niylah was there standing with her arms on her hips.

“John’s right, this is a mess.” Niylah remarked looking at the counter filled with red solo cups with some unknown orange liquid inside of them. The cooler was empty and there were empty cups all over the place.

“This smells disgusting.” Niylah took a whiff of one cup and placed it back on the counter.

“Wallace sure knows how to throw a party.” Lexa commented while random people arrived and took a couple of cups off the counter.

“This people don’t know their booze.” Niylah was already rummaging the refrigerator and took out bottles of Budweiser. 

“The safest drinks are always the sealed ones that you open yourself.” Lexa instructed Clarke as she handed her a bottle.

“This is lame” Niylah took a gulp of her drink.

Suddenly as they were chatting in the kitchen, someone entered, someone they least expected. Niylah looked at Lexa wide-eyed and as if they were talking telepathically, Niylah eventually knew how to break the awkwardness of the situation.

“Hey Roan, what brings you in this neck of the Woods?” Niylah eyed Roan’s tall form, his hair was still a bit long and his once clean-shaven chin had now grown a stubble. He wore a green tartan shirt over a white t-shirt and he wore more regular fitting pants.

“You always waited for that pun didn’t you?” Roan chuckled.

“No, I’m just plain curious what a college dude like you is doing in a high school party?” Niylah remarked.

“I just happen to drop by for the weekend.” Roan answered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why? College girls can’t get you laid either?” Niylah retorted and this had alarmed Lexa at some point.

“Well, I don’t mind if you’re interested.” Roan teased.

“In your dreams!” Niylah spat back.

“Alright, alright, Niy, not worth our time.” Lexa held her friend by the shoulder; Clarke just remained quiet during the entire exchange. She never really knew Roan personally, so, she thought that it was best not the engage with him, especially if Lexa and Niylah could handle him.

“Hey, hey, is this a reunion of my favorite couple?” Cage entered the kitchen and took out a bottle of tequila from the cupboard. “If you guys are planning on an orgy, I’m game! So that our buddy here can finally get it!” Cage chuckled heinously as he observed the group.

“Fuck off, Wallace!” Niylah remarked.

“Wow, touché, so much pent up tension, Murphy. I believe I can help you with that.” Cage insinuated.

“Not this time, Cage.” Roan gave him an irritated look. Even if Cage thinks he can ridicule Roan after what Lexa revealed about him, you can still tell that he still felt somewhat threatened by Roan. Roan towered over him and he knew that he could easily smash him like a fly if he wanted to.

“Relax homie; you’re in my abode, mi casa, su casa. I was just joking.” Cage winked at Roan patting his chest.

“Watch your back,” Roan mumbled.

“Enjoy the festivities,” Cage mock bowed at them.

“Your party sucks!” Niylah called after him. “C’mon Lex, let’s go find John and Monty and leave this hell hole.” Niylah chugged her beer.

Niylah walked past Roan bumping his shoulder intentionally, Roan did not move. As soon as Lexa walked past him, he gently grabbed her arm, Clarke stopped on her tracks.

“Hey, Lex, would you mind if we talk a bit?” Roan pleaded, he looked tensed, so Lexa debated internally.

“Alright, I can give you a minute.” Lexa pronounced. Clarke gave her a surprised look. Lexa gave her a knowing stare. “Can you go look for Niylah for me, Clarke?”

“Of course,” Clarke mumbled. She debated internally if it was wise to leave Lexa alone with Roan but she knew that Lexa could handle herself.

* * *

“So, your friends with the geek squad now? Aren’t they your brother’s lackeys?” Roan commented.

“It’s none of your business.” Lexa responded.

“Relax, Lex. Just stating facts. Things did change around here in such a short time, I miss this.” Roan chuckled.

“You want to talk, talk,” Lexa crossed her arms. They were in a semi-secluded place; the Wallace residence had a garden at the back. The garden was also littered with people; it looked like a paradise soiled. Lexa and Roan settled by the porch swing facing the garden.

“I thought about what you said,” Roan muttered.

“I said many things, Roan.” Lexa remained stern.

“That some things didn’t matter. Look, as soon as we broke it off I knew I did something wrong. College is so different, Lex. It’s not what you think.” Roan explained as he stroked his hair several times.

“Is it because you’re not popular anymore because your bullshit does not work on people there?” Lexa chortled.

“I thought the summer was going to be great, I went to parties, met some people but it was weird, Lex. It was so weird.” Roan recalled.

“Is it because no one gave in to you yet.” Lexa scoffed.

“No, it’s not that. Well, actually, when I said I met people, what I actually mean is that I finally had sex with someone. Well, several times with different people actually, in some drunken nights,” Roan was blunt but Lexa knew that he was always on point and he wasn’t so good with words either.

“Good for you then.” Lexa was flabbergasted. “So, what’s the point, Roan? Are you here to brag about it?”

“No, not at all, Lex. I don’t know if I had become soft or something, I don’t know.” Roan looked serious. “I felt great at first but then I felt horrible right after.”

“Wow, that’s plain corny, coming from you!” Lexa chuckled.

“It felt empty, Lex, robotic, pointless. I don’t know, I can’t really explain but I wanted to talk to you because I felt like you would understand.” Roan winced.

“Are my eyes deceiving me or are you falling apart?” Lexa derided.

“Don’t laugh at me, Lex. I’m serious.” Roan interjected.

“If this is your way of getting into my pants, it’s not working, dude. I don’t give in to pity.” Lexa reacted.

“Really? Explain you nerd herd.” Roan observed.

“They are not pitiful, you are.” Lexa emphasized.

“No, it’s not that, Lex. Shit!” Roan took a deep breath. “I just want you to know that I regret everything that happened, how we ended things. I was stupid.”

“You really are serious, aren’t you?” Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“I may be a douchebag but I am not that senseless, Lex.” Roan muttered. “What I am trying to say is, I want you back.”

Before Lexa could respond, Roan surged forward, cupped her face, and engaged her in a sloppy kiss. Unknown to Lexa, Clarke stood there at the porch as she went to look for her. She immediately retreated and ran away as soon as she saw the scene.

* * *

“Clarke, where’s Lexa?” Clarke stormed out, walking past a clueless Niylah.

Clarke kept on walking like she did not see anyone. Niylah was baffled but as soon as she reached the porch, she instantly knew why.

“What’s wrong with you!” Lexa yelled, pushing Roan away by his shoulders.

“Look, Lex. I’m sorry and I’m serious I want you back.” Roan pleaded. 

“We’re done, Roan. I don’t feel the same way about you, we’re done. So, whatever epiphany you had, no longer applies in this situation!” Lexa kept on pushing him away.

A small crowd suddenly formed around them, Lexa’s outrage gained some attention.

“There’s nothing to see here, people.” Niylah made her way towards Lexa.

“Oh c’mon, Lex, I’m a college dude now, you can’t get anything better than this from this crowd.” Roan remarked.

“Get lost, Roan! We’re done!” Lexa pushed him away again but this time Roan grabbed her wrist.

“Let go of her…” Niylah approached the couple but she was eventually cut off by some commotion from the inside of the house.

“Police are here, everybody scram!” Someone shouted from the living room. Then, there was complete pandemonium; high schoolers were running to different directions. Roan was gone before anyone else could notice. Some of them ran back to the house absentmindedly, others climbed off the fences and some jumped over the bushes.

Niylah grabbed Lexa’s arm. “Where’s Clarke?” Lexa was panicked.

“Don’t worry, Lex. She left.” Niylah informed, Lexa looked confused. “I’ll explain later, let’s go!”

Niylah and Lexa ran towards the bushes, Niylah was smart enough to park the car away from the cul-de-sac; they ran towards that direction. As the car came to sight, John and Monty were already standing there and John had the engine running.

“Where’s Clarke?” Monty looked worried as he saw the duo emerge from the bushes.

“Don’t worry, she got out earlier, I just don’t know where she is.” Niylah explained.

“We need to find her,” Lexa insisted.

“She’ll be fine, Lex. Get in the car!” Niylah directed. “Let’s get out of here.” Niylah patted her brother by the shoulder and they were soon driving away from the commotion.

“How sure are you that she got out?” Lexa looked frantic.

“She looked upset, Lex. She stormed out and I think I know what she saw.” Niylah described.

“Oh shit!” Lexa finally realized. “No, no, no, she got it all wrong.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” Monty looked at Niylah and Lexa from the front seat.

“She saw Roan kiss Lexa.” Niylah shared.

“What? That fucker tried something on you, Lex.” Murphy fumed.

“I had it under control; Clarke just had the wrong impression.” Lexa explained.

“Oh dear, where could she be?” Monty looked worried.

“Don’t worry buddy, she can’t go that far on foot.” John reassured him.

As they were driving down an isolated stretch, some cars sped past them, probably, some of the other party goers. Monty looked at the sidewalk; Lexa remained vigilant as well.

“Drive slow, dude. I think I see someone.” Monty pointed at a figure walking aimlessly.

Monty was right, it was Clarke and she seemed to be lost in thought; she hugged herself as she walked. John drove slowly and rolled beside Clarke as she paced.

“I’m not getting in your car, John. I need to clear my head.” Clarke told them off without looking.

“Look, Clarke, what you think you saw, I can explain…” Lexa reasoned from the backseat but Clarke looked like she did not hear anything.

“I’m in no mood to talk, can I just be alone for a while.” Clarke interjected.

“Clarkey, it’s not safe.” Monty appealed.

“I haven’t encountered anyone in the past couple of minutes, Mont. This neighborhood is safer than ours.” Clarke deadpanned.

“C’mon, Clarke, just get in the car.” Lexa begged but all seem to fall to deaf ears.

“I’m sorry but can you all leave me alone for a while?” Clarke raised her voice.

“Stop the car, Murph.” Monty tapped John’s arm. As soon as John hit the brakes, Monty got out of the car. “You guys go ahead, we’ll be fine. I’ll walk home with her.” Monty urged then, Lexa was about to protest but Niylah gave her a knowing look.

“I has been a long night, Lex. Let’s give her some space.” Niylah convinced Lexa. Lexa knew that she might just make things worse if she pressed further. Clarke wasn’t acknowledging her, so, she decided to give it a rest.

Clarke gave Monty a dry smile as he stood beside her. Monty motioned for John to run along and as soon as the car sped away, Clarke broke down into tears. Monty was there to catch her. Lexa tried not to look back; she really did not imagine that this evening would turn out this way.

* * *

“It’s just stupid, Mont. Thinking that we could be bigger than we already are.” Clarke scoffed as she lay to look at the night sky from the old creaky small Merry Go Round in the playground near their street.

“John is not so bad.” Monty mumbled as he laid beside Clarke, looking at the same sky. “What happened, Clarke?”

“I guess it was irresponsible of me to make myself believe that Lexa Woods of all people would even look my way.” Clarke muttered in a broken tone.

“She told us that she was caught off-guard, Clarkey. What you think you saw wasn’t exactly what it seems.” Monty advised.

“It’s not just that, Mont. At that moment, I just felt that she was so far away. That she was part of this entirely different world and I wasn’t part of it. Her past with Roan, the intuitive glares with the twins, the unspoken things; Lexa is indeed an enigma and I find myself just figuring her out each day. This evening, I just felt like an outsider, that whatever I think I know about her, I really don’t know her at all.” Clarke elucidated. “It feels like I’m the one consistently reaching out and she’s just settling down.”

“I think what you saw tonight was the Lexa that other people are used to Clarke. The symbol that she is but you know who is she, who she is with you.” Monty countered.

“I don’t know what to think of, anymore. My head is bursting with these mind games.” Clarke sighed.

“She cares about you, Clarkey. I can tell.” Monty was positive.

“I know, I think I know but I don’t just keep on doubting her, Mont. I also keep on doubting myself. When I saw her again with Roan tonight, I saw how picture perfect they were. They can parade themselves and walk around holding hands and no one would bat an eye. Roan could kiss her in front of all those people and everything seemed to be natural. I can’t even hold her hand without watching our back, Mont.” Clarke sobbed. “We can’t have that, this will just turn out into a secret and I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“Hey, I know it’s hard, I can’t even fathom how hard it is. I can’t say that things will get better, I don’t know for sure. All I can say is, you can take your time, Clarke. I’m always a fan of self-preservation; at least, you have your dignity intact.” Monty bopped his elbow lightly to Clarke’s arm.

“Why do you always know the right things to say?” Clarke smiled this time, wiping away the tears that escaped her.

“I’m a wizard, Clarke, we know things,” Monty chuckled. “But I really do think that they are good people. Lexa’s good, she won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“Maybe, I don’t know, Mont,” Clarke mumbled. “But you know what; I’m done with what other people think. This is just so tedious.”

“What do you mean, Clarkey?” Monty got up and rested his weight on his elbow.

“I have accepted my truth, Mont and I would just act the way that I want to. I’m done with all the charades.” Clarke concluded.

“Are you sure?” Monty looked panicked but he seemed excited at Clarke’s revelation.

“I need to do this for myself, Mont. For my piece of mind.” Clarke settled. “I think I need to talk to my mom first.”

“You know, Griffin, sometimes I don’t know if I would be thrilled or terrified by how crazy you are! You’re an absolute basket case!” Monty snickered.

“Yeah, me too.”

_Do you have the time to listen to me whine  
About nothing and everything all at once?  
I am one of those  
Melodramatic fools  
Neurotic to the bone  
No doubt about it_

_Sometimes I give myself the creeps  
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me  
It all keeps adding up  
I think I'm cracking up  
Am I just paranoid  
Or am I just stoned?_

* * *


	9. Until I Hear It From You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Geez, John, not cool!” Lexa gasped.
> 
> “What did you do this time?” Niylah shoved her brother as soon as they resurfaced.
> 
> “You’ll thank me afterwards.” John chuckled as he positioned himself afloat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another update!

* * *

Track 9: Until I Hear It From You

Song: Until I Hear It From You

Artist: Gin Blossoms

Released: 1996

Album: Congratulations, I’m Sorry

* * *

One month after the party at Cage’s

_I didn't ask, they shouldn't have told me  
At first I laughed but now  
It's sinking in fast, whatever they sold me  
But, baby_

_I don't want to take advice from fools  
I'll just figure everything is cool  
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)_

_It gets hard, when memory's faded  
And who gets what the say  
It's likely they're just jealous and jaded  
Or maybe_

_I don't want to take advice from fools  
I'll just figure everything is cool  
Until I hear it from you (hear it from you)_

Clarke was listening to her Discman as the busy throng of students passed by her. She was seated on one of those outdoor study tables. She was lost in her thoughts until someone yanked the earphones off her ears.

“Clarkey!” Monty sat beside her with another blonde following him.

“Hey, Monty!” Clarke greeted her friend. “Hey, Harper!”

Clarke, Monty, and Harper were part of their Arkadia High’s Science and Technology Quiz Bee team. There was a drastic turn of events since that faithful night with Monty at the empty playground. As soon as Clarke got hold of her mother the following morning, she burst into tears confiding with Abby about her sexuality. Abby did not waste any breath and let Clarke know that she knew all along. Stating that, _what kind of a mother would she be if she did not suspect anything at all._ She just waited for Clarke to tell her, in her own terms.

Since her own mother accepted Clarke, she did not care who else knew right after. Since Monty already knew, other people did not concern her anymore. But it was during one seminar in Health class that Clarke had her big “coming out” moment. Their teacher had invited a resource speaker to talk about Gender and Development, Clarke listened attentively and realized that the discussion was so heteronormative. Clarke could not help but ask about inclusivity and how queer people would fit into the framework and she somehow ended up implying her sexuality to the rest of the student body. The speaker was very gracious about it and addressed Clarke’s concern, but the cat was out of the bag. The entire student body realized that Clarke just outed herself. Clarke was prepared for all the bullying, all the lesbian jokes thrown her way, after all, she only has less than a year left at that school, she could handle it. As days went by, there were no jokes; well, except for Cage Wallace and his gang, they were the obvious exception. For these encounters, Wells would just evade Clarke’s glare, seemingly non-participative at all these exchanges. Clarke did not mind Cage, he just craved for attention.

This revelation opened up new scenarios for Clarke. A week after, she was approached by Harper McIntyre. Harper’s parents were gay, all her life she lived with that Bert and Ernie joke that she was being raised by gay uncles. She bonded with Clarke and later on, presented an opportunity to both Clarke and Monty. Harper was last year’s co-captain of the Science and Technology Quiz Bee team and this year, she was named captain. Her past teammates had already graduated the previous year, so, she was tasked to look for new teammates and she automatically thought of Clarke and Monty. Harper had AP Biology with Clarke and they knew that Monty was good with the Sciences, too. Wells was already out of the question since his GPA decreased drastically when he started hanging out with Cage. Clarke heard that this made Indra furious but she couldn’t really confirm since she stopped talking to Wells and to Lexa for about a month now.

After that night, Lexa tried reaching out to her a couple of times. She even came by their house begging Abby to let her talk to Clarke but Clarke just stayed in her room. She needed a break from Lexa; the entire scenario had just been so complicated that Lexa’s constant probing only made it worse. Abby talked to Lexa to give Clarke some space and she presumes that Lexa had honored her mother’s wishes. She would see Lexa at school and sometimes they acknowledged each other from afar but that was it.

Monty still spent some time with John, but he knew how Clarke felt about the trio. She would hear about Lexa from Monty from time to time. How Lexa is so immersed in preparing for the upcoming SATs that she stayed cooped up in her room for days. With Wells misgivings, Indra zeroed in on Lexa once again, making sure that she gets into the Ivy League track that she has prepared before her. Clarke’s scores the previous quarter already qualified her to most of the schools that she applied for but Lexa was struggling to improve her score this quarter. She could imagine the pressure on Lexa, how she wish, she could have stuck around to help her but she shouldn’t dwell on that anymore.

“So, are we on for studying tonight?” Monty wondered. They were just a few days away from qualifiers.

“Can we have it at your place, Clarke? My dads are having some friends over.” Harper inquired in between bites of carrot sticks.

“Of course, mom’s taking the night shift; we have the house to ourselves.” Clarke replied.

“Nice! I can bring some snacks. I’ll ask mom to prepare that cheesy jalapeno dip that you like.” Monty told Harper. Clarke just smiled as she observed Harper and Monty. Clarke noticed that Monty was becoming fond of Harper, if she knew any better; she could tell that a crush was brewing. Perhaps Monty had more reasons than one in agreeing to join the quiz bee team.

“Look at our happy Smurfs! Smurfette, Asian Smurf and Les Smurf!” Cage exclaimed as he passed by with Carl, Charles and Wells trailing behind him.

“Aren’t you too old for that cartoon?” Clarke huffed under her breath; Wells smirked discreetly, trying to hide his amusement.

“Not even funny, Wallace! Is that the best your airhead can come up with?” Monty spat back, probably trying to impress Harper that he can stand up against Cage.

“What did you say?” Cage made a sharp turn and glared at Monty. Carl and Charles hung back with Wells. Clarke could not read Wells’ expression but before Cage could try anything, a familiar voice interjected.

“Walk away, Wallace,” John Murphy warned. “Your coach is looking for you, wondering why you’re out here instead of groping some balls!”

Carl tried to contain his laughter, “That’s a good one,” he whispered to Charles. Cage glowered at them.

“You’re lucky that your pretty boy bodyguard is always around. If I were you Green, I would watch my back.” Cage retreated and left with Carl, Charles, and Wells.

“Are you okay, buddy?” John asked Monty.

“I’m fine, I could handle him.” Monty mumbled rather bitterly, he did not want to look weak in front of Harper.

“I was just trying to help.” John muttered.

“I know, thanks.” Monty answered back.

“So, I’ll see you this weekend?” John inquired.

“No can do this weekend, we have qualifiers coming up.” Monty explained.

“Is this the quiz show?” John wondered. “Do they allow an audience?” He looked at Harper.

“Yes! It’s always shown on local TV.” Harper answered excitedly, it is not every day that John Murphy addresses you directly. 

“Well, that’s good to know.” John muttered, without much interaction from Monty, he decided to leave the scene.

“Shouldn’t have been so hard on him, he’s just trying to be nice and he actually is nice, despite what people say about them.” Harper elbows Monty.

“He is always nice.” Monty mumbles with a tinge of sarcasm.

“What do people say about them?” Curiosity got to Clarke.

“Well, I’m not sure; I know you guys had been friends with them over the summer…” Harper hesitated.

“What do people say?” Clarke repeated her question.

“Well, you did not hear it from me,” Harper looked tensed. “I don’t really know who’s spreading the rumors but people say that the Murphy twins just typically get away with things because of their money.” Harper paused to emphasize. “Well, word is that John has been in and out of rehab, his sister has the hots for him that’s why she hasn’t gone out with anyone and that Lexa Woods did not do it with Roan because she completes their threesome, she’s into the kinky stuff, they say.”

“What?” Clarke was astonished. _Why did she never hear about any of it_?

“Wow! That’s well-crafted!” Monty was in disbelief.

“Well, people had been talking about it for weeks. Says that they don’t allow people inside the Murphy beach house because that’s where ‘the magic happens’ between the three of them. I guess you guys never heard about it because you were close.” Harper explained. “Also, people have been talking about you guys, too. Saying that you only were allowed to become friends with them because you guys are nerd enough to come across some blackmail material.”

“Unbelievable!” Monty gasped. “What’s wrong with this school?”

“Well, this is high school.” Harper stated. “So, is there any truth to any of it?” Harper wondered.

“Obviously, it’s all fabricated!” Monty cried out. “Just because they hold parties doesn’t mean they are on drugs or sleep with one another, as a group!” Monty emphasized. “It’s like a thick movie plot!”

“You’re been awfully quiet, Clarke.” Harper realized.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Clarke had this faraway look. “Those are really awful things and I also wonder what people say about me since I outed myself.”

“Well, in contrast, I think it’s either people think you are out of your mind, they see you as a role model, or they really just don’t care because they don’t even know who you are.” Harper mumbled.

“Why do you know so many things, woman?” Monty was mystified.

“People basically don’t care about me, Mont. They don’t see me, I’m like a shadow. Nobody really cares about the quiz bee, so I’m basically forgettable. So, I drift around and of course, I hear things.” Harper provided.

“It was a rhetorical question but you answered it anyway,” Monty snorted.

“But contrary to popular belief, it’s not girls who spread rumors. John is actually popular with girls and they basically want to be Niylah or Lexa. Most of these things are actually locker room talk.” Harper said in a hushed tone.

“So, you’re telling us that this came from jocks?” Clarke realized.

“Well, my sources said that,” Harper confirmed.

“And people thought that they were airheads. Fuckers!” Monty slammed his fist on the table and regretted it afterwards.

“Actually, who cares, right? I think John, Niylah and Lexa are sensible enough not to care. They’ll be out of here in no time, given their privilege and the people talking about them might simply be lucky enough if they get into community college. On the other hand, people like us; we need to make sure we win that quiz bee, so that we have one more thing to add to our resumes to get into these competitive universities.” Harper concluded.

“Hey, Harp, you know that it’s not true, right?” Clarke looked concerned. The last thing Lexa needed was more pressure at school but why is she so bothered about Lexa’s well-being anyway?

“Well, whether it’s true or not, it’s their business as long as they don’t harm other people.” Harper deadpanned.

“You’re amazing, McIntyre. If more people were like you, this could be a more beautiful place.” Monty looked at Harper with admiration.

“Thanks for letting us know.” Clarke stated. She thought about John and Niylah and Wells and what he has become, associating himself with someone like Cage. Of course, Lexa, especially Lexa, despite everything, she doesn’t need any of this.

* * *

“Wallace will regret he ever existed!” Niylah was fuming as she entered the Woods residence. Niylah was wearing a patterned headband and a cream embroidered maxi dress. She removed her sandals and threw it on the ground at Lexa’s feet.

It was a quiet afternoon at the Woods residence. Lexa was alone once again, Wells was typically out with Cage and their parents were off to another business trip. Lexa’s Math teacher had a flu, so she was home early. She decided to go back to studying since she will be taking her SATs again during the weekend. Indra wanted her to get into Harvard, Stanford, or Wharton. Indra doesn’t know that Lexa had already applied for Brown’s Writing program as well. Now, having Indra’s full attention, Lexa wants nothing more than to please her mother. Lexa was seated at the poolside where she often reads. She wore a black tank top and a pair of washed denim shorts. She looks up from her study materials as the infuriated Niylah enters.

“What did he do this time?” Lexa sounded bored.

“Do you know that rumors had been spreading at school?” Niylah exclaims.

“What’s new?” Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“See, Anya’s cousin goes to Arkadia, too. Yesterday, Anya introduced me to her family, her parents were there, and some of her cousins were there. So, one of her cousins comes up to me and whispers if I’m in fact Niylah Murphy and scowled at me!” Niylah explained frantically.

“Wait? Hold on a second, so, your girlfriend’s name is Anya and she actually introduced you to her parents? Wow, that’s some serious shit, Niy, congratulations! How come you never said anything?” Lexa stood up from her seat, quite elated with Niylah’s news.

“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying, Lex?” Niylah shook Lexa by the shoulders. “She scowled at me and told me that I’m a creepy slut who sleeps with my brother and my best friend and that I should stay away from Anya because her cousin had enough of heartbreaks already! She implied that we had a three-way, Lex!”

“She said what?” Niylah got Lexa’s attention.

“It’s a good thing that she confronted me at the sidelines, so, I told her that I don’t know what’s going on. That as far as I know, I’m a lesbian and that my brother though promiscuous is definitely not in an incestuous relationship. She said that it explains why we are all single and why you dropped Roan because you liked doing it with us!” Niylah was still hysterical.

“Well, did she believe you?” Lexa was wide-eyed. “Is this some sick joke? It’s like a plot of some twisted teen movie!”

“Exactly! So, I told her, do you have any proof? Because if she’ll continue accusing me, I would charge her with defamation for all I care!” Niylah shared. “So, she stepped back and told me that she only heard it from Cage and the guys!”

“That fucker!” Lexa exclaimed. “Does Anya know?”

“Well, I had the gut to tell her and you know what? She just laughed at me! She just laughed, Lex!” Niylah was in disbelief. “She told me that for some people who consent, three-ways are normal but incest is totally weird and immoral and that the story seems too good to be true and that we are in high school and that people think that these things are the only things that matter…she was weirdly chill about it, actually. Well, she scolded her cousin for being so immature.”

“Well, I believe she trusts you and that she is just so amused with high school drama. Your girl has got a good head on her shoulders.” Lexa teased.

“So, that’s it?” Niylah flailed her arms at Lexa.

“What do you mean that’s it? I mean it’s not true, we know it’s not. There’s no incriminating or fabricated evidence to prove our statements otherwise. Some people at the student body may think it’s in fact just a sick joke, your girlfriend is cool, she thinks it’s a joke, too.” Lexa was calmer now. “I mean it’s utter bullshit, people are just bored. We are just some spice to their bland meals. We are like urban legends, conspiracy theories, whatever they call it.”

“So, you’re okay with that?” Niylah argued. “Are you okay, Lex? Why have you been so detached lately? It’s Clarke isn’t it?” Niylah expressed in a softer tone.

“I don’t know, Niy. I think I’m just tired of it all. I’m always out there trying to prove them wrong. I mean it can get tiring, why do I even try?” Lexa looked crestfallen.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, John Murphy emerged in his typical white button-down and khaki shorts ensemble. “Here I come to save the day!” John singsonged to the Mighty Mouse tagline. He then swooped the two girls up and dragged them to the pool. The trio fell into the pool in a huge splash.

“Geez, John, not cool!” Lexa gasped.

“What did you do this time?” Niylah shoved her brother as soon as they resurfaced.

“You’ll thank me afterwards.” John chuckled as he positioned himself afloat. 

Soon enough, the trio were on their backs floating on the surface of the water with their heads close together.

“What did you do, John?” Lexa asked in a quieter tone.

“You know, this is why people talk about us, we have a very intimate relationship. We don’t keep secrets from each other or we squeeze it out from each other.” John jested.

“Answer her question, dummy!” Niylah splashed at her brother.

“I knew who spread the rumors.” John sniggered.

“Who?” Lexa continued her questioning. “Was it Wallace?”

“Wallace is just a stupid messenger; people basically kill the messenger, first.” John chortled. “You really did some damage to you ex, Lex!” John chuckled at the rhyme.

“It was fucking Roan?” Niylah yelled. “That fucker!”

“Well, public humiliation for public humiliation. But don’t worry, I took care of them.” John had a sinister laugh. “I don’t know if Cage would budge but I’m sure that Roan learned his lesson, he’s either walking back to his campus or taking the bus.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa was alarmed.

“I have friends who owe me favors. That would teach them not to mess with us.” John shared.

“What did you do this time, John?” Niylah splashed at her brother again.

“Some dudes just messed up with their cars, they’ll be no trace on us but if this behavior persists, it’s going to be more than that.” John beamed.

“That’s already destruction of property, you shouldn’t go so low.” Lexa quipped.

“It was a fair warning, Lex. Let’s see what else they got.” John responded.

“I can always charge for defamation.” Niylah brought it up again. “How about Jaha Junior, Lex? Don’t you think he’s on to us? He’s one of Cage’s new minions.” Niylah realized.

“Living with him is torture enough; I don’t want to have anything to do with him.” Lexa was expressionless. 

“Monty’s right, we have barely a year left, we just need to get through the rest of it.” John wondered.

“It’s like something Clarke would say.” Lexa hummed absentmindedly.

“You miss her do you?” Niylah poked Lexa; Lexa just continued to drift.

“That girl has some backbone; I could never do what she has done. Imagine that, telling the entire school.” Niylah looked absentmindedly at the sky above them.

“Yeah, that girl got spine. Folks at school are not even talking about it anymore, she was blunt; they admire her guts. Some girls actually have her on their radar; some are curious, she inspires some, they might trickle out of the closet soon. You guys should join in, follow Clarke’s lead! She actually placed herself in the market, Lex. Sooner or later, someone eager will snatch her up!” John remarked.

“She deserves it.” Lexa mumbles.

“No, you deserve her, Lex. You deserve each other.” Niylah drifted closer to her friend.

Lexa just remained silent; her mind was running a mile a minute.

“I miss them!” John exhaled.

“Me too.” Lexa didn’t realized that those words escaped her.

“Hey, what are you doing after your SATs this weekend?” John swam towards Lexa.

“Nothing.” Lexa furrowed her brows.

“How about being live audience in a quiz bee?” John smiled widely.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding Clarke’s coming out story, I know it is very hard for a lot of people but surprisingly, it can be easy for some. I got the same answer from my mother, that she kinda knew a long time ago. Hence, I think it can just be like that though. But Lexa’s story may be a lot more complicated than that.


	10. Hey, Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I see that, Clarke. I just don’t know if I’m ready for it. If I can be as brave as you.” Lexa uttered nervously.
> 
> “You strike at your own pace, Lex. Don’t let my circumstances pressure you.” Clarke advised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you're in luck, I got back to back updates!

* * *

Track 10: Hey, Jealousy

Song: Hey, Jealousy

Artist: Gin Blossoms

Released: 1989

Album: Dusted

* * *

Senior year, that following weekend

“Here we go! Are you guys ready?” Mr. McIntyre declared as he parked the car in front of an auditorium.

Harper’s parents brought the quiz bee team to the venue. Abby Griffin had a shift that day but she promised Clarke that she would catch up as soon as she gets off work. Monty’s parents wanted to take him but Monty insisted on riding with Harper and Clarke, stating that they had last minute preparations to make during the ride. Therefore, the Greens drove to the venue in a separate vehicle. Their coach, Ms. Pramheda will be meeting them at the venue, she needed to go ahead to take care of registration.

Patrick McIntyre was a pleasant man, they listened to show tunes during the drive. He has pale blonde hair, a structured jaw and an infectious smile. He is a music teacher and he also volunteers in a church choir, a church where they are allowed to be themselves, he winked at Clarke while he shared that fact. Beside him is his lifelong partner, David Stiles, he has curly brown hair and captivating green eyes, he reminded Clarke so much of Lexa. In some parallel universe, Patrick and David reminded her so much of Lexa and herself. Well, a girl could dream, it is like a glimpse of what could be or what cannot be. David is a lawyer; he kept on talking about gay rights and gay marriage, quite eager to share. They were excited to meet Clarke, especially when Harper told them that she was already out at school.

“Harper, dear, did you bring your hard candy?” David looked at his daughter at the rear view mirror. “You know how nauseous you can get when you’re nervous.”

Monty tried to contain his laughter at that remark.

“Daaaaaad, I got over it remember?” Harper gave her father a knowing look. David nodded apologetically.

“I got your handkerchief, sweetie, you know how sweaty your palms can get.” Patrick took out a white neatly pressed handkerchief from a small bag near the stick and handed it to Harper.

“Thanks, dad.” Harper took the handkerchief and smiled meekly. “We should go now, Ms. Pramheda might be wondering where we are!” Harper declared, quite eager to get away from her parents at the moment.

“Thank you for giving us a lift, kind sirs!” Monty expressed as he moved to open the car door.

“It was a pleasure, Monty.” Patrick smiled.

“Bye dads! Wish us luck!” Harper hugged each of her parents from behind and shuffled out of the car following Monty’s lead.

“Sweetie, you don’t need luck! You got this!” David yelled after Harper. Harper made a sign showing her fingers crossed.

“Thanks, Mr. and Mr. McIntyre.” Clarke hummed.

Patrick and David smiled at each other and then at Clarke.

“You know what, Clarke. Don’t worry so much about it, it will get better. It does, I promise.” David winked at her.

Clarke smiled back; those green eyes just reminded her of someone. Someone she that hopes to make things better with. But she willed herself to snap back to reality as she exited the vehicle.

She waved at the couple as she ran after Monty and Harper. She just hopes to prove them right someday. The trio wore matching maroon sweaters; it read “Arkadia” spelled in bold letters across the chest. Clarke prompted herself to stop thinking about Lexa; she needed to get her head on the game. It’s her first time to join something competitive, she hopes that she won’t disappoint Harper and Monty, that’s what matters now.

* * *

“Hey sunshine, you look happy!” Murphy tapped on the door of his jeep as Lexa approached the vehicle. He had his hair slick back; he wore aviator sunglasses, a black turtleneck and black trousers.

“It’s all done! I’m just hoping for the best.” Lexa beamed as she looked back at the testing center. She just hopes to get her scores up to prove something to her mother but in reality, she is just patiently waiting for word from Brown University. Lexa is wearing an olive corduroy jacket, a white t-shirt underneath and a dark pair of jeans.

“Hey Lex, meet Anya!” Niylah was at the backseat with an arm over the shoulders of another blonde-haired woman. Niylah was in a maxi dress, her typical bohemian look. The girl beside her had a biker leather jacket on, a black t-shirt underneath and acid-wash jeans. She had very structured jawbones, piercing eyes, thin lips, and a wild mane of similar blonde hair.

“Pleased to meet you Lexa.” She said with a deep voice, extending her hand as Lexa mounted the vehicle.

“I’m glad to finally meet you, now you’re no longer Niy’s dirty little secret.” Lexa joked as she shook her hand.

“So, I’m a dirty little secret?” Anya turned to Niylah.

“I had to keep them interested.” Niylah answered suggestively.

“Keep it in your pants, ladies! The place we’re going to is quite wholesome!” John reprimanded as he backed the jeep.

“Do you have what I told you to bring, John?” Lexa asked as she settled at the passenger’s seat.

“Can you reach for it, Niy? It’s under the backseat.” John instructed his sister.

“Really, Lex? This is so sweet!” Niylah spread the cardboard banner that she found underneath the backseat. It read, _Go Arkadia!_

“You think it’s corny? I mean should it read, Go Clarke instead?” Lexa looked apprehensive and serious.

“Hey, we should cheer for my buddy, too.” John interjected. 

“Well, I’d consider that if you helped me make it.” Lexa pointed out. 

“It’s cute, it’s sweet. If I were in some competitive sport, I’d appreciate that.” Anya added.

“Don’t worry, dear. I’d make one for you anytime.” Niylah jested.

“My sister had gone soft, Lex. If you end up with Clarke and succumb into that, I’d kick you out.” John murmured under his breath.

“It isn’t so bad.” Lexa chuckled.

“I’ve been with them all morning, trust me, it’s bad.” John rolled his eyes. Niylah and Anya just stared at each other endearingly as they drove off. Lexa glanced at them from the rear view mirror, it was not gross, and they just held hands. Niylah looked so smitten though. It doesn’t look so bad, in fact, it seems to be perfectly natural, Lexa smiled to herself.

* * *

“There shall be ten questions in Round 1, ten in Round 2, and five in Round 3. Three questions shall be given in cases of ties. Each question weighs one mark in all three rounds. Teams who don’t hit the mark in each round will be out and will not continue on the next round.” The quizmaster read out the rules.

Despite the unpopularity of the competition, a lot of people showed up for the district level. There were coaches, parents, and of course family, friends, and schoolmates who came to support. The top three teams today will qualify for the regionals. Harper waved at her dads who were seated at the second row on center. Monty smiled meekly at his parents who were seated not too far away. Clarke scanned the crowd; she smiled to herself when she saw Abby enter the dim auditorium trying to find a seat. She was nervous; it felt like everything she studied just went away as soon as they sat on stage. The teams were huddled in their own tables, each had their own electronic buzzers and the screen facing them will project all the questions so they can see it while the quizmaster reads on. There were nine other teams in the district, according to Harper, their greatest competition was Mount Weather High, and they were always head to head for regionals. The team captain Maya Vie ranks top in Math, her other teammate Kyle Wick takes care of Physics and Lorelei Tsing is a Biology and Chemistry whiz. The other team to watch out for is Lincoln High, they are headed by the feisty Latina who’s a really fast, the quiet girl who’s name she can’t recall and the tall thin boy, who’s name she thinks is Jasper should not be undermined, underdogs are the fiercest as Harper would put it.

Clarke scanned their opponents, if Cage Wallace were here, he would call them the nerd herd. But then, she shouldn’t think about that, all these people in the room were the smartest in their district and some of them she might even meet at college if she does decide to go pre-med. If you look around, they were a pretty normal bunch. Clarke cleaned the lenses of her glasses with a handkerchief, she does that repeatedly when she’s nervous. As soon as she put her glasses back on, she realized that someone two tables away from them was looking at her, she was wearing a Lincoln High t-shirt. She was huddled with her teammates but her eyes were fixed on Clarke. Clarke looked dumbfounded, the girl smiled at her faintly. She had long wavy brown hair and Clarke’s not sure whether her eyes were hazel or a darker brown, she couldn’t tell from the distance. So, she just smiled back, she never thought that it might mean anything. But when the girl held her stare, Clarke felt a churning sensation at the pit of her stomach. She drifted momentarily, under that gaze and then her reverie was broken when Monty elbowed her lightly on the side.

“Look who’s here,” He whispered as he pointed out at the audience.

When Clarke lifted her gaze, she was enraptured by the stare of another brunette. The green eyes that she was yearning for all day sat there with an apologetic look. Clarke pressed her lips; she decided not to smile back. “What are they doing here?” She turned to Murphy.

“John must have taken me seriously.” Murphy thought. True enough, Lexa was seated in between the Murphy twins at the rear end of the auditorium. He was carrying a cardboard sign, it read, _Go Arkadia!_ Niylah was whispering to another blonde that she did not recognize.

“Are they distracting you?” Harper whispered.

“No, no they’re not. We need all the support we can get, I suppose.” Clarke got hold of herself. Actually, she was glad that Lexa was there. She wasn’t much of a show off but part of her wanted to make Lexa realize what she was missing out on.

“Yeah, at least we have supporters from school.” Monty nodded, straightening his back.

“Alright, here we go then.” Harper cracked her fingers.

“Everybody, settle down, we will begin in five minutes!” The quizmaster announced.

* * *

_Quizmaster: A substance that cannot be broken down into simpler form by ordinary chemical means is called an?_

_Raven from Lincoln High: Element_

_Quizmaster: Red blood corpuscles are formed in the?_

_Clarke from Arkadia High: Bone marrow_

_Quizmaster: What weather phenomenon causes more deaths in the U.S. annually than any other except lightning?_

_Maya from Mount Weather High: Tornadoes_

_Quizmaster: Pollination by birds is called?_

_Luna from Lincoln High: Ornithophily_

_Quizmaster: Unlike rodents, the rabbit has how many incisor teeth?_

_Harper from Arkadia High: Four_

_Quizmaster: Which sea is the saltiest natural lake and is also at the lowest elevation on the face of the earth?_

_Lorelei from Mount Weather High: The Dead Sea_

_Quizmaster: What is the name for the new technology whereby a glass fiber carries as much information as hundreds of copper wires?_

_Monty from Arkadia High: Fiber optics_

_Quizmaster: Linseed oil comes from what plant?_

_Luna from Lincoln High: Flax_

_Quizmaster: What wonder drug was used for three years by the Army and Navy before becoming available to the general public in 1944?_

_Clarke from Arkadia High: Penicillin_

_Quizmaster: What is the rest mass of a photon?_

_Kyle from Mount Weather High: Zero_

_Quizmaster: What is the name for steel alloyed with chromium?_

_Harper from Arkadia High: Stainless Steel_

_Quizmaster: Which prefix is often used with scientific terms to indicate that something is the same, equal or constant?_

_Raven from Lincoln High: Iso_

_Quizmaster: The branch of medical science which is concerned with the study of disease as it affects a community of people is called:_

_Clarke from Arkadia High: Epidemiology_

_Quizmaster: The study of how people use tools to perform work and how people physically relate to their working environment is called:_

_Jasper from Lincoln High: Ergonomics_

_Quizmaster: Who was the marine biologist and author of Silent Spring who was one of the first people to warn of the dangers of pesticides like DDT?_

_Harper from Arkadia High: Rachel Carson_

Then the timer clocks out for that round.

_Quizmaster: And for the two schools who will remain for the final round, we have Arkadia High and Lincoln High! Don’t worry folks, Mount Weather High School, Arkadia High School, and Lincoln High School will be our three representatives for the regionals._

Maya Vie and her teammates passed by the Arkadia table with scowls on their faces, Harper just smirked at them, quite proud to be on the final round with Lincoln High instead of Mount Weather.

Clarke looked at the audience once again; her mother was all smiles as she waved at Clarke. Clarke could not help but glance at the back of the auditorium, John was already standing cheering for them, Niylah gave her two thumbs up, and Lexa, well, Lexa looked tensed, she was slouched with her elbows on her knees and her hands were clasped together under her chin, her eyes closed like she was in deep prayer. Clarke smiled to herself at Lexa’s gesture, she looked nervous for them. Clarke was actually touched by the act. _Lexa looked cute. Get a grip, Griffin! She scolded herself internally. Get your head back in the game._

_Quizmaster: Alright, we are back in the game. Let’s settle this folks, who’s gonna take home the trophy tonight. Is it gonna be Arkadia or Lincoln High?_

When Clarke looked at their opponents across the room, Raven had a determined look on her face, Jasper looked smug, and Luna looked like she was expecting her gaze. The brunette smiled at Clarke and unbeknownst to Clarke, Lexa had somehow caught that interaction from a distance as soon as she opened her eyes from deep prayer.

_Quizmaster: Cystitis is the infection of which of the following?_

_Clarke from Arkadia High: Urinary bladder_

_Quizmaster: Water flows through a horizontal pipe at a constant volumetric rate. At a location where the cross sectional area decreases, the velocity of the fluid:_

_Raven from Lincoln High: Increases_

_Quizmaster: What is the technique by which lasers are used to photograph objects and reproduce them in three dimensions?_

_Monty from Arkadia High: Holography_

_Quizmaster: Name the effect that is caused by scattering of light in colloids or suspensions._

_Jasper from Lincoln High: Tyndall Effect_

_Quizmaster: Here we go folks! Our teams are now tied; this final question will determine our winner._

“No matter what happens, you guys are the best teammates.” Harper whispered.

“We already qualified to the regionals, Harp.” Monty assured her.

_Quizmaster: Radioisotopes which are used in medical diagnosis are known as what?_

_Luna from Lincoln High: Markers!_

There was a silence among the crowd, the quizmaster paused and was not yet acknowledging the answer. Monty, Harper and Clarke shared a knowing look.

“No,” Clarke mouthed.

_Quizmaster: It’s a steal for Arkadia! If you get this right, this ends our evening, folks! Arkadia will get the prize!_

_Clarke from Arkadia: Tracers!_

_Quizmaster: That’s it ladies and gentlemen! Arkadia High bags this year’s district level!_

And just like that, Clarke, Monty and Harper where jumping up and down on stage. They received the trophy with their coach Ms. Pramheda. The trio were hugging and congratulating their opponents and the other coaches.

Then suddenly, Clarke felt a pat on her shoulder, it was Luna from Lincoln High. Her eyes were dark brown, Clarke could now tell from how close she was.

“It was a good fight, Clarke.” Clarke extended her hand but she was surprised that Luna hugged her instead.

If she knew any better, this girl could have probably smelled her from afar. As Monty puts it, _some people have gaydars, Clarke, they just know._

“So, I’ll see you at regionals? Who knows we might even end up at the same med school someday?” Luna whispered bashfully as she released Clarke.

“Yeah, maybe.” Clarke was dumbstruck.

Luna was about to walk away but then she hesitated and walked back to Clarke.

“I don’t believe in chance, I’m sorry.” Clarke was surprised at what happened next. Luna took out a pen from her pocket and began scribbling numbers on Clarke’s palm. “It’s all in your hands now.”

Clarke remained stricken; she couldn’t explain what just transpired. Luna ran to catch up with her other team members; Raven patted her at the back and flashed a mischievous smile at Clarke as they disappeared backstage. Clarke stood there, with palm open, looking at the digits scribbled on her hand.

Unknown to Clarke, Lexa saw the exchange and was already on her feet. She was intrigued by what that girl wanted from Clarke. _Did Clarke know her?_ Her stomach felt weird, it was churning, and she couldn’t explain it. _Was it jealousy? No, Clarke is not hers, she has no right to be jealous._ So, she did the next best thing, she decided to go backstage to meet Clarke. If Clarke is still mad at her and decides not to talk to her, still, then at least she tried. John and Niylah followed her without question.

“Bow-chika-wow-wow, you got a girl’s number by joining a quiz bee? That’s the greatest thing ever!” Monty draped his arm over Clarke’s shoulder.

“Now, I remember her name, Luna!” Harper examined the name and digits written on Clarke’s palm as they walked backstage.

“Hmm, Luna, Lexa, similar four-letter names, I hope you don’t mix them up,” Monty whispered teasingly.

Clarke elbowed him and gave him a stern look. The banter was halted when their parents had met them, each set showering their respective child with hugs and congratulations.

“You did so well, Clarkey! Dad would have been so proud!” Abby hugged her daughter.

“Thanks, mom. It’s only the qualifiers,” Clarke hugged back. 

“Nonsense, you never joined anything, just let me savor this moment. So, is pre-med still off the table like we last discussed?” Abby wondered.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Clarke lied. “I promise, I’ll let you know.” Clarke beamed at her mother.

Then some throat clearing behind them interrupted the mother and daughter.

“Excuse Mrs. Griffin, I would just like to congratulate, Clarke, if that’s okay?” Lexa greeted the older Griffin. Perhaps due to her past interactions with Abby, Lexa seemed to be seeking permission to talk to her daughter.

“Oh, it’s you, Lexa. Thank you for coming, I don’t see why not,” Abby gave her daughter a knowing look. “I’ll wait at the car, Clarke. Take all the time you need.”

As soon as Abby was out of earshot, awkwardness proliferated between the pair.

“Look…” Lexa was about to say.

“I’m…” Clarke also spoke at the exact moment. “Alright, you go ahead, Lex.” Clarke urged.

“I know that I owe you an explanation and I guess I didn’t try hard enough.” Lexa began. “I’m really sorry for not doing anything as the days dragged on. I just didn’t know what to do. I think I just tried to give you space and it really seemed like I stopped trying…” Lexa tried to compose herself.

“Don’t worry about it, Lex. I’m sorry that I jumped into conclusions, it wasn’t my finest hour. But thank you for the space; it gave me some time to think.” Clarke replied as she puckered her lips nervously.

“I heard what you did at school. It’s great, Clarke, that was so brave. I mean telling people and all.” Lexa confided.

“I just think I need to be true to myself first, Lex. To reconcile myself with my truths before dragging someone else into my life. Despite the small provocations, generally, I think I’ll survive it.” Clarke clarified. “Everything seem to come in better light. It may be hard and it will be harder in the future, I don’t expect anything less but I just feel that I need someone there who is willing to hold my hand and face everyone else with me. I don’t want to be anyone’s little secret.” Clarke emphasized. She couldn’t explain what drove her to tell Lexa that. Maybe it was Luna’s forwardness tonight. Maybe she was just tired of keeping it all. Maybe she wanted Lexa to be comfortable, too. She doesn’t want to force her, it’s the last thing she wants. But all the coincidental dates, the hidden hand holding, the withheld feelings, it’s just so shattering.

“I see that, Clarke. I just don’t know if I’m ready for it. If I can be as brave as you.” Lexa uttered nervously.

“You strike at your own pace, Lex. Don’t let my circumstances pressure you.” Clarke advised.

“I don’t know where to start.” Lexa admitted.

“Start with yourself, then everything will fall into place.” Clarke came closer. “Until then, I just hope for the best for you.” Clarke left a light peck on Lexa’s cheek.

“Will you wait for me?” Lexa held on to Clarke’s arm.

“Just take all the time you need.” Clarke waved goodbye. 

Lexa knew what Clarke meant but why does it feel like this was the end instead of the beginning?

_Tell me do you think it'd be all right  
If I could just crash here tonight  
You can see I'm in no shape for driving  
And anyway I've got no place to go  
And you know it might not be that bad  
You were the best I'd ever had  
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago  
I might not be alone_

_Tomorrow we can drive around this town  
And let the cops chase us around  
The past is gone but something might be found  
To take its place... Hey jealousy  
And you can trust me not to think  
And not to sleep around  
If you don't expect too much from me  
You might not be let down_

_'Cause all I really want is to be with you  
Feeling like I matter too  
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago  
I might be here with you_

_Tomorrow we can drive around this town  
And let the cops chase us around  
The past is gone but something might be found  
To take its place... Hey jealousy  
And you can trust me not to think  
And not to sleep around  
If you don't expect too much from me  
You might not be let down_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't help it, I grew up with quiz bees, I just needed to make space for it here. 
> 
> The quiz bee questions and answers were taken from the CSUN Science Bowl Questions and Answers for General Science. I am not that much of a nerd but I am familiar with quiz bees and I also watch quiz shows and documentary, science and nature programs.


	11. I Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Like I said, things are complicated.” Clarke snorted.
> 
> “But things are always complicated.” Luna pointed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update for the weekend, thank you so much for all the inspiring feedback!

* * *

Track 11: I Try

Song: I Try

Artist: Macy Gray

Released: 1999

Album: On How Life Is

* * *

The next day

“I see you washed your hands,” Monty mumbled as he sat next to Clarke on the steps of the Griffins’ front deck. He wore a tattered Jurassic Park t-shirt and baggy pants.

“Never really like my hands dirty.” Clarke looked at her now clean hands, reminded of Luna’s scribbled phone number from the previous night.

Clarke looked up from her book; she was hunched in front of her house reading the 1995 Christopher Priest novel, _The Prestige._ She was wearing a black striped shirt, denim cut offs, her hair was tucked behind her ears, and her glasses hung over her nose.

“That’s Wells’ copy, isn’t it?” Monty looked at the neat paperback that Clarke held, there was no crease, even on its spine.

“It was part of the reading list; I just don’t know how to give it back. I don’t even know the guy, anymore.” Clarke huffed as she carefully adjusted the bookmark and closed the book on her lap, she was halfway done with it.

“Same here,” Monty sighed. There was a pregnant pause between the two as they looked on the quiet Sunday afternoon unfold before them.

“Luna was pretty smooth, but seeing that you’re down here and not tangled on the phone, I guess that means you’re not interested?” Monty broke the silence.

“I don’t know, Mont. Can I just be lesbian and single just for a moment?” Clarke huffed.

“Be careful what you wish for, next thing you know, you’ll be cooped up in your pajamas in a studio apartment, reheating some TV dinner in a microwave one Saturday evening with two fluffy cats and a half.” Monty joked. “How is Lexa by the way? You did talk to her, right?” Monty raised an eyebrow at his friend.

Clarke made a loud groan. “It’s so complicated; I just don’t know what to say to her.”

“You guys did talk last night?” Monty probed.

“Lexa says things yet I feel like it doesn’t really resonate how she feels. It’s like saying things without actually saying it. I just got out of the closet and I just don’t want to go back in there. Lexa, I feel like she’s not ready yet.” Clarke gasped.

“Did Lexa tell you that?” Monty tested.

“Well, no, but…that’s how I see it.” Clarke uttered but at that point she started to doubt her conclusions.

“You’re always getting ahead of yourself, Clarkey. You should learn to put more faith on people.” Monty tapped his friend’s shoulder.

“I know…I’m so stupid.” Clarke palmed her face.

“Don’t be so scared, Clarke. Usually, we are not really so sure how things will end up if we don’t try. You have been thinking a lot about yourself, do not get me wrong, I am glad you are but I see Lexa’s point, too. Maybe she just wants to keep you to herself for a while. I mean with all the Roan fiasco and the rumors involving the Murphy twins, she must just want to ease some of the pressure. I mean, it’s quite easy for us to say, we were unknown to people until then but Lexa, people had been gawking since she hit puberty.” Monty realized.

“Why have you suddenly been wise?” Clarke narrowed her eyes.

“I’m a late bloomer,” Monty chuckled. “Or maybe I just hit puberty, too.”

“Mont, the average age for puberty for boys is 12.” Clarke bantered.

“I know that! You’re talking to a district quiz bee champ!” Monty pumped his chest.

“You are so full of bullshit!” Clarke ruffled his hair.

“Well, if Lexa is so slow, Luna looks ready.” Monty winked.

“That is not how it works, dude.” Clarke elbowed her friend.

“Yeah, you are, right. Some things are non-negotiable, non-transferrable. So, you’ll wait it out, then?” Monty supposed.

“Maybe, I think I can. Maybe until I have no reason not to.” Clarke mumbled.

“You’re such a romantic! Are you sure you don’t have a harlequin novel in that reading list?” Monty chortled.

“You’re funny!” Clarke stated sarcastically. “How about you? I notice those heart eyes for our team captain.”

“I would not deny nor confirm anything, yet. However, speaking of Harper, that reminds me why I’m here.” Monty realized.

“So, you’re not really here to cheer me up?” Clarke wondered.

“Again, so full of yourself, Clarke? The world does not revolve around you. Anyway, she’s throwing a Halloween party this weekend.” Monty informed.

“She’s throwing a party and she did not invite me?” Clarke acted hurt.

“That’s why I am here, she told me to invite you. Look, her dads like Halloween because of the dress up, every year they go to some party downtown to their friend’s house; Harper always tags along. But this year, since they say Harper has found responsible friends, they are allowing her to have a small party with ‘sensible’ people. So, the guest list is pretty limited to the members of the chess club and Harper’s book club but it’s still a party, also granting that we are there since we are the responsible friends.” Monty explained.

“And of course, we are going…but I feel like there’s more to it.” Clarke prodded.

“Well, you think Harper will go with me in matching costumes?” Monty asked bashfully.

“Want to go as Mario and Princess Peach?” Clarke chuckled. Monty nodded enthusiastically.

“She’s the only person who gets it and willing to go.” Monty reasoned.

“Go ahead, Mont. Ask her out, don’t worry, I think Harper likes you, too.” Clarke assured.

“You really think so?” Monty looked worried.

“I know so, she gets you,” Clarke beamed. She thought about that the same thing with Lexa; _she gets her._

* * *

Halloween…

The Woods house was an empty shell that evening. Indra and Thelonious were out to some fancy masquerade dinner in some socialite’s penthouse downtown. Lexa wasn’t in the mood to be festive or anything, she just doesn’t understand how a Celtic festival was reduced to a night of children overdosing in candy and an excuse for high school kids to throw parties, dress slutty, and get laid. Lexa was just plain sick of it all, so, when Wells comes down from his room dressed as a football player, Lexa could not contain her laughter as she reheats some mac and cheese.

“Great costume! Fits you well.” Lexa chuckled as she poured herself some red wine.

“Nowhere to go this evening? Look how the mighty has fallen.” Wells spat back as he searched for his car keys from the sideboard.

“Enjoy it while it lasts, deception may give us what we want for the present, but it will always take it away in the end, Rachel Hawthorne’s words, not mine.” Lexa chuckled.

“Whatever, Lexa.” Wells mumbled as he headed out.

The house was now absolutely empty, Lexa could hear her gulp echo as she sip more of her wine. It was not always like this. Of course, she used to go out to parties with Roan and the Murphy twins in the past, but that was not until high school started. Halloween always meant evenings with Indra. The mother and daughter would start the morning with grocery shopping, and then they would carve pumpkins all afternoon. Of course, there would be some pie and hot milk with cinnamon. Instead of going trick or treating, Lexa would love hanging back at the house and wait for the children to pass by their house. She enjoyed giving away candy more than receiving it; she didn’t have much of a sweet tooth. She loved guessing and looking at other children’s costumes, how some costumes are store bought and other costumes looked like the fruit of labor of some sleepless parent. Her favorite Halloween night was when she was in third grade, she was dressed as Wednesday Addams and Indra was dressed as the bride of Frankenstein. Indra was always so devoted, orchestrating stuff and being so detail oriented, those were the days. But things are different now, since Thelonious and Wells arrived. Indra suddenly succumbed into the world of the schmoozers and social climbers; well, she was married to one. The only time she now has with her mother is limited to polishing college applications and murmurs about how she’s not trying hard enough. Everyone says that nowadays, _how she doesn’t try._ They just don’t know the half of it, Clarke included. How it isn’t easy for someone like Lexa. How society has placed you in a box and you should simply act around it. It’s funny how easily she yielded to fit in that box, the shackles she can’t wait to get out of. Just one more year, Lexa, one more year and everything will fall into place. No more pretending, no more fighting. She didn’t need to wear a costume tonight, her own skin already feels like one.

Dressed in an comfy oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, Lexa started a fire at the living room and settled on the recliner with a glass of wine, a bowl of mac and cheese, and her journal, she felt like writing something tonight. She used to write poems and random notes for a possible novel when she was in middle school but when her social life kicked off, she didn’t have much time for that except for the voice recorder hidden under her bed. She would mumble words into the microcassette recorder in her sleep and even when she was drunk, thoughts would just fall out.

Lexa was spacing out when the doorbell suddenly rang. She reproached herself, this must some kids from their street and she forgot to get some candy for tonight. She headed to the front door barefoot; she would probably just give them a dollar or two and apologize for the lack of candy.

As she opened the door, the most amusing scene in front of her surprised her.

“Trick or treat!” A giddy Niylah greeted, her hair was in pigtails and she wore a navy sleepshirt with a duffle bag in tow. She looked like more seductive than childish.

Clad in a pinstriped pajama set was a groggy looking John Murphy, “I told you we’ll have matching outfits!” John elbowed his sister.

“What are you guys doing here?” Lexa looked shocked.

“I figured that the kids on this street might ambush you with pitchforks once they find out that you don’t have any candy.” John placed a plastic pumpkin shaped tub on the table by the foyer, it was filled by an assortment of Gobstoppers, Squeeze Pops, Airheads, and Razzles. “And this one is for you!” John tossed her a small box of Nerds.

“Really, John?” Lexa scoffed.

“What? Just in case you miss, Clarke.” John sniggered.

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be in a party?” Lexa crossed her arms.

“Well, we are in one.” Niylah flashed a grin. Then she opened her bag and showed the contents to Lexa. “Take your pick, Lex.” Inside the bag were VHS tapes of The Omen, Children of the Corn, Poltergeist, and John Carpenter’s Halloween.

“You came prepared?” Lexa eyed her best friend.

“Well, Anya knew a guy from Blockbuster; I got these babies reserved a few days ago. Well just in case and now, here we are!” Niylah smiled.

“Do you have any popcorn, Lex?” John was already rummaging the pantry.

“Check to your left!” Lexa responded.

“Gotcha!” John exclaimed as he headed towards the microwave with his bag of popcorn.

“You think we would leave you alone, would we? Parties are lame, Lex. We go to parties because of each other.” Niylah hugged her friend.

“Thank you, Niy.” Lexa was teary eyed with her friends’ thoughtfulness. Count on John and Niylah to make you cry on Halloween. “Is John okay with this?” She realized.

“He said something about girls in costume hiding their flaws before we drove to Blockbuster to pick these up.” Niylah looked amused at her brother’s weird philosophies in life.

“So, what do we watch first?” John headed to turn on the entertainment equipment in the Woods’ living room.

“How about some Laurie Strode?” Lexa mumbled as she settled on the sofa.

“Count on Lexa to pick the blonde.” Niylah sniggered.

* * *

Harper’s party was one of the most wholesome that Clarke has ever been to. Harper’s house was the most charming on their block. It was painted a pale yellow and white, the shutters were red and a fascinating stained glass work at the front door. The interior had this country charm with fiddle-back chairs and all. It was dressed for the Halloween, cut-outs of pumpkins and skeletons hung from the ceiling and the front porch had Jack o’ lanterns. The party was in full swing but it was pretty tamed, a group was immersed in a Sega game of Virtua Fighter II in the living room, a girl brought an Ouija board and a group a slumped under the breakfast nook and another group was engrossed in a game of Twister in the den.

Monty and Harper did go as Mario and Princess Peach, so that left Clarke numerous choices for her costume since she was flying solo. She had been hooked to this new vampire TV show early in the year, so, Monty was able to talk her to that. She was dressed in a fit pair of red leather pants that snug to her form; it was her mother’s old pair by the way. How it ended up in Abby’s closet, Clarke had no idea. She also found a form fitting black top and a leather jacket in there. It felt like her mother had a secret life so separate from her daily scrubs and white rubber shoes ensemble. She needed, however to score a pair of ankle boots from the nearby thrift shop. Monty made a knife out of cardboard and aluminum foil. Her blonde hair already fit the bill, so, she just needed a crucifix necklace to match. She acknowledged the staring of people as she arrived with Super Mario but that’s all there was to it. The crowd was filled with chess players, bookworms, and to her surprise quiz bee title holders from the district, since some of them were Harper’s neighbors. She could see Raven from Lincoln High challenging everyone at the Sega station.

Clarke wasn’t in the mood to mingle, if she knew that she would feel this closed off, she could have brought her pocket book with her, the bookworms would understand. So, she took a cup of Harper’s overly saccharine punch and headed to the porch outside. Clarke sat on the porch steps and took a deep breath, she could see the children running from one house to another dressed up as a cartoon character or TV icon with bags filled of loot for the evening. She took a sip of her drink and placed it beside her as she looked on.

“I didn’t get a call.” A familiar voice muttered behind her.

Clarke looked up; the brunette was dressed in a yellow fitting jumpsuit. “April O’Neil missing the turtles tonight?” Clarke chuckled.

“I wanted to go as Raphael but the green paint did not work. Mind if I sit down.” Luna motioned to the space next to Clarke.

“I don’t mind, it’s Harper’s porch, anyway.” Clarke scooted to make room for Luna. “I didn’t know you lived nearby.”

“Harper invited all the quiz bee, kids through Raven. Raven has an extensive network, well, of maybe ten people or so.” Luna joked. “Anyway, you haven’t answered my question.”

Clarke was dumbfounded; she did not expect Luna to be this forward. “About that,” Clarke took a gulp of her drink. “Will you forgive me if I told you that I accidentally washed my hands,” Clarke didn’t know if it was an excuse or an apology.

“Witty and a neat-freak, you can’t get any better than that.” Luna smiled. “I could have used indelible ink then, who likes carrying ballpoints, anyway?”

“I’m sorry,” Clarke finally blurted out.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, I get it, Clarke.” Luna laughed quietly. “I mean, Raven says I have a pretty good gut feeling, I just felt this pull towards you. I just had to try, it’s like there’s an abundance of gay kids in a three mile radius you know. Someone should invent a tracker for that, so that people know who to approach.”

“Yeah, maybe someday you can invent one; so, people won’t keep on guessing and fall for straight girls.” Clarke chuckled.

“Yeah, or you can like have this detector and flash it on people.” Luna chuckled.

“I know, it’s really so hard. I don’t mean like just looking for a girlfriend. I mean even when you just want to meet people like you. Some days, I really do feel like I’m alone in the world.” Clarke sighed.

“But really, we are not. But getting up every day and going out there and to just act like myself has been a constant struggle. I have been called names, teased endlessly, the butt of jokes, you know what I mean. It’s like people start looking at you like a foreign object and talk to you like you don’t have a soul at all. All those men jokes, they assume right away that I want to be like them, I get it from my uncles. But they really don’t get it, I like being a girl but I’m also just attracted to girls, what’s so hard with that? Well, I don’t necessarily blame them, knowing how they were raised and what they know. It’s just so exhausting at times.” Luna murmurs.

“So, your family and friends already know then?” Clarke wonders.

“My dad knows, he knew since I was five, he’s still trying to wrap his head around things. He tries so hard sometimes; it is funny. My dad alone raised me since I was born. My mom died in childbirth.” Luna shared.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Clarke was hesitant to ask for more, especially since she turned Luna down. She thinks she must be asking for a lot from Luna.

“I don’t mind sharing, it helps me. My dad remarried when I was twelve, I have a step-mom, she’s great, and so are my brothers and sister.” Luna clarified. “How about you Clarke, does your family know? Your friends seem to know.”

“I just came out recently actually. But I was surprised by how easy it was for me, I guess I was lucky. My mom, like your dad seemed to sense before I knew. My friends are great, especially, Monty. Well, there are bullies at school but they will always be around.” Clarke replied.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to get out of here!” Luna huffed. “You’re taking pre-med, right?”

Clarke shook her head.

“What do you have in mind?” Luna pondered. 

“I actually like drawing, too.” Clarke confessed. “I submitted an application to Rhode Island’s art program.”

“That’s unexpected but I guess you can debunk the left brain-right brain theory.” Luna smiled. “So, I guess we are not really meant to be around each other then.”

“I read from somewhere that it’s a small world but we all run in big circles.” Clarke sniggered.

“Someone’s gonna be really lucky to be with you someday.” Luna breathed without looking at Clarke.

“Yeah, I do hope so.” Clarke’s thoughts drift to Lexa.

“There’s already someone, isn’t there?” Luna speculated.

“You think?” Clarke challenged the idea.

“A great girl like you appears unavailable even if I throw myself at you. There must be someone; you’re too young for single-blessedness. You’re gorgeous, smart, sensible, and someone must have surely gotten to you first.” Luna jested.

“Stop pulling my leg and think whatever you like, if that logic does make any sense.” Clarke laughed.

“So, is she here?” Luna turned around to look.

“This is not her crowd.” Clarke mumbled with a huff.

“So, there is someone and she’s perhaps at the top of the food chain? Am I right? Or is she straight? I hope she’s not, because that’s messy territory, Clarke. They are not like zombies, they don’t just turn.” Luna joked.

“Well, it’s really complicated. I don’t think she’s straight but many people think she is.” Clarke informed.

“Unaware? Still in the hiding?” Luna probed.

Clarke simply nodded.

“What is she doing? She should be here with you, making most of senior year! Who knows where we will end up next year?” Luna sounded annoyed.

“Like I said, things are complicated.” Clarke snorted.

“But things are always complicated.” Luna pointed out.

“I guess it’s my fault, I just stood there and told her to take her time.” Clarke realized.

“I just hope you guys won’t wait on each other for too long.” Luna warned.

“I hope so, too.” Clarke’s mind was already running having that new realization.

“Alright then, I guess I’ll see you around, Clarke.” Luna extended her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Luna.” Clarke shook her hand; it felt cold and sweaty. Lexa’s warm, Lexa always is.

“Likewise, I would say that you can give me a call if anything comes up but then again, you are a neat freak.” Luna kidded.

“Thank you, Luna.” Clarke beamed.

“See you at regionals, then.” Luna got up and disappeared inside the house.

Luna was right; things are always complicated. _So, what are you going to do about it, Clarke?_

* * *

Two movies, a bowl of popcorn, and two boxes of pizza ago, the trio was in high spirits. Now, they were all sprawled across Lexa’s living room with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

“Vanilla, Lex? Really?” Niylah took a spoonful from Lexa.

“Count on Lexa to make it plain.” John chuckled beside Lexa, Lexa was flanked by the twins. They were all staring blankly at the ceiling.

“What are we doing after this?” Lexa asked thoughtlessly.

“Well, we’re driving home before your mom gets here or do you want us to sleepover?” Niylah offered.

“I could check for monsters under your bed.” John teased.

“No, I don’t mean exactly after this, I meant high school. What are we going to do after this fiasco?” Lexa got up.

“College?” John looked confused.

“I’m waiting for word from Columbia, Anya is expecting me.” Niylah shared.

“Look at you, all grown up!” John high-fived his sister. “I heard Darthmouth has a great party scene.”

“So, you guys are not going together?” Lexa looked between the twins.

“Contrary to popular belief, twins are not required to stick together throughout their adulthood.” John mocked.

“I just don’t know what I’ll do without you guys.” Lexa sighed.

“We’ll always have summer, Lex. Unless you over perform and sign up for some volunteer work to the other end of the world.” Niylah assured her best friend.

“It’s inevitable.” John looked forlorn this time.

“Yeah, we’ll always have each other…” Lexa looked at her two best friends.

Before Lexa could finish her sentence, the doorbell rang. The trio exchanged surprised looks.

“We ran out of candy, Beetlejuice took the last bunch.” John was so amused at a kid’s Beetlejuice make up and costume that he gave away everything.

“I’ll see if this one settles for a dollar.” Lexa gets up and sprinted towards the front door.

“Does she even have her wallet on her?” Niylah wondered and the twins followed suit.

As soon as Lexa opened the door, the group was stunned by who was at the other side.

“Check you out, Buffy Summers!” John exclaimed, Lexa was stunned at the threshold.

“Hey, I’m sorry to barge in like this…” Clarke hesitated.

“No, no, not at all, we are just having a wholesome pajama party, contrary to popular belief.” John smirked.

“We were on our way out, anyway.” Niylah dragged her brother and gave Lexa a knowing look.

“Hey Lex, can we talk?” Clarke looked nervous.

“Uh yeah,” Lexa could not believe her eyes, Clarke’s clothes were so form fitting, it left little to the imagination.

“See you tomorrow, Lex. Buffy is here to slay!” Niylah teased as she headed towards their Jeep together with John.

“Bye guys!” Lexa waved at her friends. “Want to come inside?” She motioned for Clarke enter.

Clarke followed suit as Lexa was leading her to the living room. She noticed that the rest of the house seemed empty. 

“Sorry about the mess, it was movie night.” Lexa explained as she gathered the empty ice cream carton and pizza boxes and threw them into the trash compactor at the kitchen.

“I’m really sorry for…for coming unannounced…” Clarke stuttered.

“I’m all ears Clarke.” Lexa sat across her at the living room.

It was a very odd scene, a nervous Buffy, fidgeting at her seat and Lexa in her sleepwear.

“I’m sorry about what I implied, Lex.” Clarke began.

“What did you imply, Clarke?” Lexa wondered.

“I’m sorry about not talking to you for so long. About thinking only of myself. About pressuring you of coming into terms with everything. About always throwing the ball at your court.” Clarke managed to say in muffled tones. “Of assuming that you’re not having a hard time. I mean, I can’t really see it. Masking emotions, you’re good at that but it doesn’t mean that you’re not hurting.”

Clarke hit a nerve, she was right. Lexa was usually accepting, she was good at pretending that she was fine, she was good at that and sometimes she doesn’t know when to stop. If Clarke was good at anything, it was about seeing right through her.

“What do you want from me, Clarke?” Lexa knelt before Clarke.

“To make this uncomplicated.” Clarke sniffled; a single tear fell.

“I’m happy for you, I really am,” Lexa caressed her cheek, wiping away the tear with her thumb. “You are really brave, Clarke.”

“What’s stopping you, Lex?” Clarke knew where this was leading; Lexa will be backing off again. Keeping it safe, keeping her at arm’s length. So, she couldn’t suppress her whimper.

“Nothing…no one…” Lexa whispered. It was a mistake that she looked up; she was engulfed by Clarke’s baby blues. Lexa could identify a moment when she was in one. _This is it._

At that moment, Clarke looked grounded, so self-assured, and so headstrong and Lexa knew that she could plummet at any instant and that she would catch her. So, without much thought or reason, she surged forward and infinity had collided with them head on. Their lips meet, tentative at first but then as Clarke craned her neck, Lexa was lost into the kiss. It got deeper, Clarke felt soft, and it wasn’t messy, not at all. It was warm and it resonated and drifted to all her nerve endings across her body. It wasn’t Lexa’s first kiss but it felt like it was the only kiss that run deep into her flesh, her bones, her entire being.

“Wow,” Clarke whispered as they pulled apart. “I never imagined it that way.”

Then, it dawned at Lexa. _It was Clarke’s first kiss_.

“Was it bad?” Lexa panicked.

“What makes you think it was?” Clarke smirked.

“Shit, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…” Lexa stuttered.

“Lex,” Clarke held her by the shoulders. “It was the best first kiss that any girl could ask for.” Clarke assured her.

“Yeah?” Lexa felt smug at the moment.

“You want to prove it again?” Clarke grinned.

Just like that, they found themselves on stable ground, not thinking about what was and what will be but just what is. For now, this is uncomplicated.

_I try to say goodbye and I choke_ _  
Try to walk away and I stumble  
Though I try to hide it, it's clear  
My world crumbles when you are not near  
Goodbye and I choke  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
Though I try to hide it, it's clear  
My world crumbles when you are not near_

* * *


	12. Wonderwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, no, no, not at all, Lex.” Clarke finally sat down beside Lexa, her face in panic. “I’m excited, don’t get me wrong. I’m actually quite amazed that you took down all the details. I mean, I never imagined someone doing this for me, unless I say it aloud. But can we address the elephant in the room first?”
> 
> Lexa’s brows furrowed.
> 
> “Well, we are not in a room.” Lexa was being sarcastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's another installment! Enjoy!

* * *

Track 12: Wonderwall

Song: Wonderwall

Artist: Oasis

Released: 1995

Album: (What's the Story) Morning Glory?

* * *

After Halloween, Arkadia, morning

It was a sunlit morning, Lexa got up on the right side of the bed. Who wouldn’t? Especially with what happened the previous night, she just couldn’t remove the stupid grin off her face. Clothed in a colorful tie dyed t-shirt and a pair of tartan pajama bottoms, Lexa headed to her dresser drawer and took out her journal notebook. She grabbed a pen and sat on her bed, her back against the headboard, her journal on a pillow on top of her lap as she’s seated crossed-legged. Lexa begins to write:

_Is this what love-struck feels like?_

_It feels like crossing the street, you start off cautious, looking left then looking right._

_Once you take the first step, it suddenly hits you._

_You have been hit and you shake your head to make sure that you are still alive._

_Can you still feel your toes?_

Before Lexa could write any further, there was a knock on her door. Two loud knocks and the doorknob rattles, she immediately knows who it is. She shuffles to put away her notebook and heads back to her bed.

“May I come in, Alexandria?” Her mother’s stern voice resonates from the partly open threshold.

Her mother always saw to it that she used Lexa’s full name, she was never fond of nicknames, though she was the one who gave it to her own daughter. People always thought of what Lexa’s named meant, Alexandria, which meant _defender of humankind,_ after Alexander the Great. She was actually named after the Egyptian city instead, the city though also named after Alexander. However, Indra always thought of its Lighthouse, one of the seven ancient wonders of the world. Lexa was her lighthouse, her guiding light, her home. Well, that was in the time when it was only the two of them in the world, now, Lexa thinks otherwise. 

“Good morning, mother, of course.” Lexa replies, she always takes this sense of formality in Indra’s presence.

Her mother is dressed in a long black silk robe, her impeccably tidy curly bob hair was too proper for the morning. But you would never see her mother in an unruly state, she was elegant even in her pajamas.

“How are you?” The question slipped from her mother but Lexa knew that she wasn’t really asking about her, she was asking whether Lexa has heard from the schools that she applied to.

“Last night was eventful, I did not bother to giveaway some candy but John and Niylah dropped by, they were generous enough to bring some.” Lexa shared, answering the question bluntly.

“Oh dear, I indeed forgot to prepare some candy last night. Well, nobody else was here anyway.” Indra spoke as she moved towards her daughter’s bed.

“I was here, well, John and Niylah stayed with me. We watched several films.” Lexa clarified.

“You stayed in?” Indra looked surprised. “I thought you were going to some party? Well, you always do. If I knew, you could have joined us downtown. Good thing John and Niylah came by or else you could have been alone.”

“Nothing that I’m not used to.” Lexa tried to contain a scoff.

“And what do you mean by that, Alexandria?” Her mother’s tone had changed.

Lexa decided to drop the subject. “Anyway, I haven’t heard from any of the schools, yet, mother. I think the letters might come in after the holidays.”

“Is that so?” Indra looked skeptical. “I should probably go make some calls then.” Indra moved to leave the room.

“Mother…” Lexa was about to share something but she hesitated. She wanted to say so much about what is going on with her life. Her mother used to know everything about her, petty crushes, conflicts at school, new things that she has just learned. Now, all their conversations had become transactional. Lexa knew that her mother was open-minded and did not have any prejudice towards people, no matter what their gender, sexual orientation, or social status is. Like anything lately, she faltered, she is not sure anymore, how her mother would take it. She wanted to talk about herself, she wanted to talk about Clarke, and she wanted to tell Indra that for the first time in the longest time, she finally knew what attraction felt like. The strong pull that she could not resist. Roan was practical, ideal, and methodical even but with Clarke, she has been brazen, certain, and involved.

“Yes, Alexandria?” Indra turned, her hand was already on the doorknob once again.

Lexa was debating with herself. “Have a good day, mother.” Lexa finally uttered.

Indra just nodded as she exited the room.

Whatever glee Lexa felt that morning had somehow escaped her in such a short conversation.

* * *

Monday morning

“Hey Clarke, there’s a Mustang parked outside our house, do you know who that is?” Abby peaks through the window, still in her fluffy robe, sipping a cup of coffee.

“What is she doing here?” Clarke was astounded as she snatched a bagel from the kitchen, her backpack slung over her shoulder. Clarke was wearing a red and blue plaid shirt over a top dye grey t-shirt, denim pants and sneakers.

“Who?” Abby wondered.

Before Clarke could answer, the doorbell rang. Clarke rushed towards the door but Abby beat her to it.

“Oh, Lexa, it’s you.” Abby exaggerated her greeting, giving Clarke a knowing look.

“Good morning, Mrs. Griffin, I’m here to give Clarke a ride to school.” Lexa greeted rather bashfully, she wore a red snapback, her tresses rested on her shoulders, she had a navy blue sweater on, denim shorts and Skechers with medium length white socks.

“Oh, Abby is just fine, Lexa.” Abby smiled. Clarke looked puzzled, this was a surprise, and not that she did not like it.

“Hey Lexa!” Clarke greeted. Clarke moved to get another bagel, she paused and then she took another. “Be right with you.”

As Clarke passed by her mother, Abby gently grabbed her arm. “Is something wrong with the car?” Abby whispered.

“It’s fine, mom, just riding to school with Lexa.” Clarke whispered back.

“She lives on the other side of Arkadia, Clarke.” Abby raised an eyebrow. “Is there something else you are not telling me?”

Clarke opened her mouth and then decided against saying anything more. “I’ll talk to you later, bye mom!” Clarke gave her mother a soft peck on the cheek and headed out.

“Have a good day, Mrs. Grif…Abby.” Lexa nodded as Clarke joined her. Abby gave a curt wave.

“Is everything okay, Clarke?” Lexa whispered as she walked side by side with Clarke towards her car leaving a puzzled Abby behind.

“Mom is just being nosey.” Clarke beamed and handed Lexa a small paper bag with a bagel. 

“Gee, how thoughtful.” Lexa smiled as she took the bag. 

Lexa opened the passenger door for Clarke motioning her to get in. Then, Lexa headed towards the driver’s seat, placing the brown bag on the dashboard.

“So, you’re picking me up for school now?” Clarke looked at Lexa as she adjusted her eyeglasses.

“Is it okay?” Lexa suddenly realized.

“Well, not that I’m complaining.” Clarke beamed. “But this is quite not your scene, if you catch my drift.”

“What’s my drift, Clarke?” Lexa looked at the blonde. 

“I don’t know, maybe you are used to be the one being wooed instead of the one wooing?” Clarke internally scolded herself, it sounded corny and probably wrong.

“Wooing?” Lexa chuckled. “Well, are you wooed?”

“Never mind, I’m just not used to this that’s all.” Clarke realized as she adjusted her glasses, fumbling for her seat belt.

“Then, you should get used to it.” Lexa winked as she placed her hand at the back of Clarke’s seat as she backed the car from the Griffin’s driveway.

“I used to give Roan rides before, you know.” Lexa emphasized.

“So, I’m the new Roan now?” Clarke joked.

“You’re nothing like him, Clarke. You know that.” Lexa looked at her endearingly.

Clarke smiled to herself, indeed, she should probably get used to it.

“Hey, Lex, there’s one more thing.” Before Clarke could get ahead of herself, she suddenly remembered one more thing that Lexa’s needs to know about her daily routine.

“Yeah?” Lexa paused.

“I usually give Monty a ride, so, would you mind if we passed by his house?” Clarke requested bashfully.

“Oh yeah, Monty,” Lexa admonished herself. “How can I forget? Just when I thought that I had you all to myself.” Lexa mumbled as she turned towards Monty’s house, a faint blush colored Clarke’s cheeks.

As they arrived at Monty’s house, the boy was already waiting at the porch. Monty’s eyes widened as he saw Lexa’s Mustang stop in front of his house.

“Get in Green, I’m your ride for today!” Lexa shouted out as Clarke smiled at Monty.

As Monty joined them, Clarke scooted closer towards Lexa, her knee almost touching the stick.

“Not that I’m complaining but you should get a bigger car, Lex.” Monty remarked.

“Yeah, maybe Clarke’s Micra is indeed more comfortable.” Lexa retorted.

“Here’s your bagel, Mont.” Clarke tossed another small paper bag to Monty. Lexa understood their friendship; it was similar to what she had with John and Niylah. This time she had a bagel too, she smiled to herself.

“You raided Abby’s pantry, again? Sweet! Thanks, Clarke.” Monty looked inside the bag.

As soon as Lexa maneuvered towards their school, Clarke could not deny that she felt tingles as the back of Lexa’s hand accidentally brushes her knee and thigh each time she shift gears.

“What’s new, Lex?” Monty wondered what the new arrangement was about.

“I just happen to pass by the neighborhood.” Lexa replied without taking her eyes away from the road.

“You live on the other side, Lex. Are you sure that you don’t have other ulterior motives?” Monty implied.

“I’m just giving my friends a ride.” Lexa answered, Clarke gave Monty a threatening look. 

The trio talked a lot about Halloween’s events, Monty’s costume and the party at Harper’s. Lexa and Clarke keep giving each other side-glances, too timid to inform Monty about what really happened between them that night.

The school parking lot was bustling when they arrived; Monty exited the car first.

“Hey Monty, would you mind if I take Clarke somewhere after school? I just have this matter to discuss with her. I can ask John to give you a ride if you’d like.” Lexa had this formal tone with Monty, trying to mask all the awkwardness.

However, Monty wasn’t naïve with the situation, he knew better, he knew something was up and Clarke was not telling him yet. “I don’t mind, Lexa, not at all. Don’t worry, I’ll catch a ride with Harper instead.”

“Are you sure, Mont?” Clarke looked apprehensive.

“Definitely,” Monty winked at her. “No problem at all, I’ll see you guys at lunch.” Monty said as he ran off. He had Physics for first period.

“We’re going somewhere?” Clarke asked Lexa as they walked towards their respective classes.

“Yeah, it’s a surprise.” Lexa winked at her, too. “So, I’ll see you later?” Lexa moved towards Clarke but decided not to do anything since she suddenly became aware that they were in school.

“Of course, I’ll see you later.” Clarke beamed as she moved back. Lexa began walking towards the opposite direction.

Clarke walked to her first period with furrowed brows, slapping her face lightly, too confused with the events that had just transpired. _Lexa Woods will be giving her rides to school now? She really did not expect that._

* * *

“Where are we going, Lex?” Clarke asks from the passenger’s seat.

“You’ll see.” Lexa replies with a smile.

Clarke looks out the window, it was late in the afternoon, and the sun was setting. They were driving towards the outskirts of Arkadia, past the suburbs, towards the timberlands.

“It’s a school night you know.” Clarke reminded Lexa.

“We are not going to stay out too late, don’t worry.” Lexa hummed as she tapped her fingers lightly on the steering wheel, she was in a cheery mood.

“Is this the moment that you’re going to tell me that you’re going to murder me now?” Clarke joked.

Lexa gave her an incredulous look. “You are really full of crap, Griffin.” Lexa chuckled.

They neared a hilly area and Clarke realized where they were going. They reached a gate and security personnel waved at them. A big sign read, _Arkadia Observatory._

“You girls enjoy the evening.” The security personnel greeted.

“Thank you, sir.” Lexa nodded as they entered the compound.

“There’s a partial lunar eclipse tonight.” Lexa grinned as she parked the car. Clarke was dumbfounded, she knew constellations but she was never too keen about astronomical events; Lexa on the other hand, took note of that.

"An eclipse, like that song?" Clarke chuckled to herself, she decided to mess with Lexa instead. 

"Bonnie Tyler, that's _Total Eclipse of the Heart_ , Clarke. This is a partial..." Lexa retorted. 

"You're so funny, Lex." Clarke interrupted, Lexa furrowed her brows. "So serious, I'm just messing with you." Clarke teased. 

"Turn around, bright eyes." Lexa slurred and winked at Clarke. This made the blonde blush, she had the taste of her own medicine. To Lexa's amusement, this made her quiet and it somehow ended the teasing. 

“I brought blankets and sweaters if we need it but I think it’s only going to last for a few minutes to an hour.” Lexa took out a small duffle bag from the car, lightening the mood once again and making it less awkward for the already blushing Clarke. 

Clarke just allowed Lexa to lead her up the hill near Arkadia Observatory. There were a couple of people already up the hill, some of them had blankets on the ground, others had binoculars, and others were in a queue to go up the observatory.

“It’s just a couple of minutes more, Clarke.” Lexa set her digital wristwatch to alarm. Lexa said as she placed a blanket on the ground, signaling Clarke to join her. Clarke just had that goofy smile on her face since they got down the car.

“Are you okay, Clarke?” Lexa looked worried, she couldn’t read Clarke’s expression, was she amused, was she mocking her? “You think this is cliché, don’t you?” Lexa looked heart broken.

“No, no, no, not at all, Lex.” Clarke finally sat down beside Lexa, her face in panic. “I’m excited, don’t get me wrong. I’m actually quite amazed that you took down all the details. I mean, I never imagined someone doing this for me, unless I say it aloud. But can we address the elephant in the room first?”

Lexa’s brows furrowed.

“Well, we are not in a room.” Lexa was being sarcastic.

“Of course, Lex, figure of speech, ever heard of that?” Clarke elbowed Lexa playfully. “I don’t want to get this wrong but I think I should ask…” Clarke gulped. “Are we dating?”

Lexa’s features immediately softened. “Aren’t we?” _I already placed my heart out in the line_ , Lexa thought to herself.

“I mean are we girlfriends now?” Clarke couldn’t help but ask.

“My grandmother calls her friends, girlfriends, too, you know. And I think I was well informed that your mother does, too.” Lexa scolded herself mentally; now, Clarke would think that she was not taking her seriously.

“Am I your girlfriend, Lexa?” Clarke was more serious and determined this time.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Lexa could not contain her smile.

Clarke hesitated for a while. “Maybe…both?”

“Why does my mind turn into mush when I am with you?” Lexa chuckled.

“You haven’t answered my question, Lex.” Clarke pouted.

“I thought you were already telling me.” Lexa teased cupping Clarke’s face.

“Answer the question, Lex.” Clarke demanded.

“Yes,” Lexa looked at her eyes intently. “We are dating, Clarke. I am your girlfriend, are we clear?”

Suddenly, Clarke had a sudden surge of courage; she looked around. The grounds were already starting to get dark and everyone else was busy looking up at the skies and minding their own business. Without much warning, she cupped Lexa’s chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips, it was meant to be chaste but Lexa had other ideas. To her surprise, Lexa held at the back of her neck and pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. Kissing Lexa felt familiar, it was still new but it felt like they were doing it for the longest time already. Clarke was enraptured with the moment; her heart was telling her that it was real but her mind is reeling with uncertainties. _Was she really kissing Lexa Woods under the glow of the night sky?_

Then, suddenly Lexa’s alarm on her wristwatch went off.

“Oh, it’s time, Clarke.” Lexa broke the kiss and fumbled for a pair of binoculars from her duffle bag.

Clarke was still flushed from the kiss and she could not understand how Lexa recovered from that quickly. Perhaps she was really excited about this excursion.

“Look Clarke,” Lexa was pointing at the night sky with an arm over Clarke’s shoulders.

“The Moon is moving into the Earth’s shadow.” Clarke whispered. “Eventually, they will align but not yet, not just yet.”

“It’s beautiful isn’t it? How things change? How the skies shift? How celestial bodies move?” Lexa was muttering softly but Clarke doesn’t mind.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful.” This time Clarke was no longer looking up at the heavens but she was staring at Lexa’s profile, how her face radiated under the moonlight. Clarke decided to store this moment to memory, for what specific reason, she still does not know why. 

_Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do, about you now_

_Backbeat, the word was on the street  
That the fire in your heart is out  
I'm sure you've heard it all before  
But you never really had a doubt  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now_

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I  
Would like to say to you but I don't know how_

* * *


	13. Slide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think I’m a prude?” The question came out of nowhere.
> 
> “What makes you say that?” Clarke got up to Lexa’s eye-level.
> 
> “People make such a big deal about of it. I just think it should happen when it does.” Lexa revealed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long unannounced hiatus. A lot has just happened in the last quarter and I have already started some new projects. However, I will surely finish this since I already have everything outlined and I am planning a new Clexa story for March as well. If you're still here and reading, thank you so much for being patient!

* * *

Track 13: Slide

Song: Slide

Artist: Goo Goo Dolls

Released: 1998

Album: Dizzy Up the Girl

* * *

One Week Later…

Lexa wakes up to a seemingly new day, unfazed for a change, it appears as if everything is lighter. She has not felt like this before, basking under a certain glow with sunshine in her steps. Niylah and John had been annoying the past couple of days, pestering her regarding any developments with Clarke but all she said was that _they were in a good place._ However, Lexa cannot deny that goofy smile that has been plastered on her face the past week, even her mother noticed this. _Is this what it feels like?_ Lexa would not even go in that train of thought. She could refute herself all day, all week, all month but every second she spends with Clarke has become quite precious now. She is allowed to be around her now, more as much as she wants, as long as she wants without even making up reasons. She is allowed to feel something now, towards Clarke and she revels at this feeling. There is this energy bouncing inside her, one she cannot contain, so this is what makes people giddy, all the dopamine being pumped into their system. So, this is what it feels like when people say they can’t eat or sleep- chemicals blocking your appetite or inducing insomnia. Though a little sleep deprived, Lexa has a hop on her step as she heads towards the shower. She turns on the CD player in her room and blasts a song that she has not listened to for quite a while.

_Could you whisper in my ear_

_The things you wanna feel_

_I'd give you anything_

_To feel it coming_

_Do you wake up on your own_

_And wonder where you are?_

_You live with all your faults_

_I wanna wake up where you are_

_I won't say anything at all_

_So why don't you slide_

_Yeah, I'm gonna let it slide_

It was a weekend; Lexa exits her room with the tune in her head. She is now dressed in a lose pair of pants and a tight black tank top. She prances towards the kitchen barefoot for some breakfast, not realizing that someone else was there. Indra tugs the newspaper she was reading as her light-headed daughter enters the room. She keeps an observant eye as her daughter heads towards the cupboards setting down a bowl and preparing some cereal, remaining oblivious.

“You look happy,” Indra remarked as she folded the newspaper. She was wearing an elegant black silk robe. “Have you heard from schools, yet?” Indra sipped her coffee.

“Mother…” Lexa almost jumped, realizing that her mother was in the room. It was meant to be a slur but she was able to catch herself.

“Like I said, you look happy.” Indra pointed out again.

“You’re here.” Lexa stated like it seemed surreal. In the past months, Indra had been away most of the time, so seeing her mother leisurely eating in the kitchen in her robe was a miracle.

“This is my house Alexandria, am I not allowed in my own kitchen?” Indra spun around the barstool.

“It’s not what I meant.” Lexa clarified.

“Anyway, back to you. What is going on?” Indra asked flatly. Indra always maintained a stoic expression but Lexa could tell if there was tenderness in her words and this time around, there were.

Lexa has not heard that question in a long time. She thought of a lengthy answer in her head, to really tell Indra what was going on in her life now but she settled with the CliffsNotes instead. “It’s just a good morning; I just woke up lighter than before.” Lexa hummed as she poured some skimmed milk into her cereal.

“No one’s causing all this?” Indra detected Lexa’s unusual glow. “You usually walk around with a dark cloud following you.”

Lexa just shrugged her shoulders as she took a bite of her breakfast.

“Where’s your husband?” Lexa finally noticed.

“Still in bed, he had too much wine at the event last night.” Indra muttered. She had somehow wrapped her head around the fact that Lexa would always just consider Theo as her husband and not anything more and that Wells is only Theo’s son. “Anyway, I should be off to a meeting.” Indra got up from the barstool, rinsing her coffee mug in the sink.

“But it’s a weekend.” Lexa points out.

“It’s a Saturday; it’s the busiest day, Alexandria.” Indra comments. It was actually true in the furniture business, people place more orders during the weekend since more walk-in customers are available.

“A friend is staying over tonight.” Lexa finally blurts out.

Indra smiles to herself; it has been a while since Lexa had sought her permission for such a small thing like a friend staying over. Sometimes she forgets that her daughter is still in high school, she had grown to be an independent and levelheaded woman. The Murphy twins had been in and out of their house for a while and Lexa has held parties thinking that Indra would not notice after the cleaners that she hires the day after had put everything back in order.

“Are you asking my permission or telling me?” Indra smirks. “Unless this is someone I have not met yet or that you think I should meet them?”

“Oh, you know her; we just need to work on a project.” Lexa was not really lying, she did have a biology report to write but she did not really need Clarke’s help. It was just an excuse to have Clarke stay over for the evening. However, she could not deny that she really wants to share this important development in her life to her mother. Having a girlfriend who actually makes her act giddy, she did not feel this with Roan before, everything seemed transactional in the past. 

“Is she someone I know?” Indra raises an eyebrow.

“Well, I suppose you already met her, once or twice, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa informs.

“Oh, I thought she is Wells’ friend.” Indra realized, being able to recall the name.

“Well, we’re friends now, too.” Apparently, Lexa has not mustered the courage to talk to her mother yet. She does not know how Indra would take it, now that she is dating a girl. This might probably drive Indra ballistic at first, knowing that she wants everything to be perfect and cut out for Lexa. But she hopes that Indra is still her open-minded mother, traditional at some point but not too conservative. 

“Of course, I remember her, smart, respectful, quite pretty actually.” Indra recounted. Lexa’s stomach churned by how her mother described her girlfriend. If only she could tell Indra who Clarke was to her. “That’s a strange development; I thought she did not belong to your crowd.” Indra speculated.

“High school is high school, mother. People grow up; they change. I can’t be friends with smart people now?” Lexa mumbled. She was supposed to add, _if only you were around much, you would notice how I changed._ But she decided against it, not in the mood to agitate her mother or ruin her now sunny disposition.

“You just hung around with John and Niylah so much, they seem so wild. I am not saying they are a bad influence, Alexandria but you know their nature.” Indra commented.

“They are smart, too, mother. Niylah is looking into getting in Columbia; John has numerous options, too.” Lexa muttered.

“I know that, their parents are good friends. Alright then, I’ll have something prepared for dinner.” Lexa was surprised at Indra’s response.

“You don’t have to; we can have pizza or something.” Lexa remonstrated. She had planned to be alone with Clarke in her room all evening; she did not intend to concoct some sort of family dinner.

“I don’t know why you teenagers are so contented with junk food. I will be back by dinner and I think Theo and Wells will be here as well. Let’s use that dining table for a change.” Indra remarked, leaving her daughter with a dumbfounded look in the kitchen.

* * *

Clarke was folding some clothes on her bed when she saw Lexa’s t-shirt, the one she has not returned yet. She debated on packing it in her overnight bag but she finally tossed it back into the closet. Lexa’s her girlfriend now, she won’t mind that Clarke would keep something that belonged to her. Clarke smiled at the thought, she had a girlfriend now and it was no other than Lexa Woods, everything seemed unreal. Unbeknownst to Clarke her mother was standing at the threshold of her bedroom observing her as she packed. Clarke’s reverie was broken when Abby tossed something towards her that landed in a soft clunk on her bed.

Clarke examined the box; it was a pack of dental dams. “Oh my god, mom!” Clarke exclaimed.

“I assume you know how to use them?” Abby chuckled. She had her arms crossed over her chest; she was already in her scrubs.

“Why are you so forward with everything? Can you be a bit discreet? We’re not even at this level.” Clarke looked exasperated.

“You’re spending the night at your girlfriend’s place; I’m not naïve, Clarke.” Abby raised an eyebrow.

“First you ask me if I need condoms and now you toss me a packet of dental dams.” Clarke looked bothered.

“I’m just trying to be supportive, why are you so tense? If I’m being ignorant there’s something wrong, if I’m being understanding then there’s still something wrong. What’s up with you kids these days? What’s wrong with safe sex?” Abby plopped down on her daughter’s bed.

Clarke flashed her mother a wry smile. “I’m sorry, mom. I mean I’m not even thinking about those things yet. It’s just she’s my first actual relationship, you know. I don’t want to mess everything up.” Clarke huffed.

“I’m sorry if I’m trying so hard to be cool, this is more of your dad’s alley. I just thought I would play both roles now.” Abby hummed.

“You don’t need to be the good cop and the bad cop mom. Just be you, I like it when you’re uptight, makes me feel like you really care about what’s going on in my life. I do miss dad but I swear you’re just cool the way you are.” Clarke sat down beside her mother.

Abby flashed her a tentative smile and gave her side hug. “You’re growing up so fast, Clarke. Sooner or later you’ll be leaving the nest already.” Abby kissed her daughter on the forehead. “I think your dad would think that your girlfriend is pretty cool.” Abby chuckled.

“You think so?” Clarke looked up to her mother.

“Lexa Woods? Clever, charming, popular, beautiful, I just hope she’s kind to you.” Abby grinned.

“She’s great mom, she’s not really who other people think she is.” Clarke confirmed.

“So, when is she coming over for dinner? I would like to sit down and chat with her.” Abby wondered.

“Gosh, mom, we had just been together for a week, don’t scare her away!” Clarke reacted.

“Hmm, the first time we met she didn’t look intimidated at all.” Abby retorted. “Though I gave her 20 dollars, did not know that she was your actual _girlfriend_ in every sense of the word.” Abby realized.

“You should stop paying my friends to take me out, especially Lexa.” Clarke requested.

* * *

“She gave you this?” Lexa was examining the packet of dental dams as she lay on the rug at the foot of her bed together with Clarke. “How does it even work?”

“It’s just weird, right?” Clarke took the packet and threw it towards her bag that was lying on the floor next to them. There were a couple of textbooks and notebooks laying around, they made it look like they were studying but they were actually just idling as the sun began to set that Saturday afternoon.

“Hmm, I don’t think it’s weird, at least you have someone who’s willing to give you the _talk._ ” Lexa spoke with air quotes.

“I don’t think that’s my mom’s alley, I can’t just go, hey mom, what do you know about lesbian sex?” Clarke joked.

“Well, maybe you should have taken advantage of that.” Lexa got up, balancing her weight on her elbows.

“You want me to ask her on your behalf?” Clarke joked.

“Don’t give your mother the wrong impression, Clarke. I’m good with parents and I think your mother already likes me.” Lexa retorted. “She’s so cool, first she bribed me with money and now this. She’s really encouraging." Lexa chuckled.

“Sometimes it’s borderline embarrassing.” Clarke remarked as she lay next to Lexa.

“She’s cool, Clarke. At least she cares.” Lexa muttered. Clarke could sense the bite in her words but she knew that probing might only drive Lexa into a sour mood. Clarke had an inkling that Lexa did not have the best relationship with her mother as of the moment but that is a topic for another day.

“She paid you to go out with me, Lex.” Clarke said instead.

“I wanted to take you out that was just an added bonus.” Lexa grasped.

There was a pregnant pause between the two of them, butterflies just fluttered in Clarke’s stomach as Lexa spoke those words.

“Do you think it’s any different?” Lexa suddenly blurted out.

“What’s different, Lex?” Clarke queried.

“You know lesbian sex.” Lexa replied nonchalantly.

Clarke did not really know where Lexa stood at the topic especially with the rumors that Roan spread about her and the twins.

“I don’t know, Lex, I haven’t really thought about it.” Clarke pondered. “I won’t even have a clue; you’re my first relationship, actually.”

“Hmm, then we should probably research on that.” Lexa got up fully and sat cross-legged. She was wearing a pair of denim shorts now and vintage t-shirt with an eagle print. Clarke gulped as she marveled at the display of Lexa's legs. She's not one to objectify women but Lexa was such a fine specimen that she could not resist but just stare sometimes. 

“For?” Clarke looked confused.

“For when we need it, someday.” Lexa just smirked and kissed Clarke chastely on the cheek.

Clarke observed that Lexa was a romantic but she did not mind this side of her as well. Thinking about having sex with Lexa may induce a panic attack, it is a territory that she'll only think about once they get there. For now, she just thinks Lexa is an absolute romantic, she enjoyed reading poems and collecting sappy quotes in a small notebook. Clarke knew that there was no such pressure regarding sex in their relationship, though in the past week there had been a couple of heated episodes when they started making out in Lexa’s room but they were always quick to catch themselves. Clarke always kept her hands in a respectful distance as not to wander frenziedly.

“Do you think I’m a prude?” The question came out of nowhere.

“What makes you say that?” Clarke got up to Lexa’s eye-level.

“People make such a big deal about of it. I just think it should happen when it does.” Lexa revealed. 

“I guess I agree with you.” Clarke established. “You’re not a prude, Lex. You’re just sincere and personally, I think you have an old soul. A closeted romantic and a secret sap.”

Lexa smiled at Clarke's words. "Speaking of closets, I’m planning on telling people soon.” Lexa whispered as she reached out for Clarke’s hand.

“You do?” Clarke looked surprised.

“But I would need some time if that’s okay?” Lexa took a deep breath.

“Take all the time you need, Lex. I’m fine with what we have now.” Clarke adjusted her glasses.

“You’re a blessing, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa kissed Clarke on the forehead.

“Since when did you become so religious?” Clarke joked.

“Since I have started to build a faith in us.” Lexa quipped.

“Oh my gosh, that sounds so corny!” Clarke laughed.

They shared some heartfelt laughter for a while until Lexa looked at her wall clock.

“We should start to get ready.” Lexa stood up.

“Get ready for what?” Clarke looked confused. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, you have been officially invited by my mother to a rare one-night only typical Woods family dinner.” Lexa smirked as she headed towards the bathroom.

* * *

It was quite unnerving, how quiet the house was despite the number of people in the dining room. It was resounding to hear the occasional clinking of utensils on plates and the movement of liquid in glasses. The atmosphere was not so formal, they were just garbed in their casual clothes but it was the first time Clarke sat on the dining table and saw it used by all the members of Indra Woods’ household. It was evident that Indra was the matriarch; she sat at the furthest end on the table, donned in an immaculate white silk blouse and neatly pressed trousers. Her husband, the severe looking Theo sat adjacent to her to her right. His shirt clung to his body like it was a size smaller. Lexa sat opposite Theo and Clarke sat beside her. Wells sat beside his father, he maintained the look of surprise that he had when he first saw Clarke when he entered the dining room. Indra had steaks delivered and she matched it with salad and a bottle of expensive looking wine.

“So, Clarke, I’m glad that you could join us. I just wanted to get to know you more since you’ve been friends with both my children.” Indra broke the silence. Wells just flashed Clarke a confused look and he stared at Lexa with contempt.

“Thank you for accommodating me in your home, ma’am.” Clarke suddenly sat upright and was surprised at how formal she addressed Indra.

“We’re just working on a project, mother. No need to scare Clarke away with your pleasantries.” Lexa butted in.

“Clarke has been Wells’ friend since they were kids, you know.” Theo joined the conversation as he loudly chewed on a piece of meat. He looked a bit hostile, Clarke noticed. He’s usually charming and smooth-speaking that’s how Clarke remembered him back then.

“Hmm, yes, I think I’m aware and who’s your other friend? The sweet, awkward boy.” Indra prodded.

“Monty, ma’am.” Clarke supplied.

“I haven’t seen him around much.” Indra realized.

Clarke gave Wells a derisive look but he just did not mind her at all. He just continued on slicing the meat on his plate without looking up.

“Oh, he and I joined the quiz bee team; we have been training a bit and Wells has been busy with other things at school.” Clarke responded. She actually had no clue with what is going on in Wells’ life now aside from seeing him at the hallways with Cage and his gang.

“Oh, I see. Speaking of school, have any of your schools responded yet?” Indra looked at both Wells and Lexa.

Wells just shrugged, Lexa’s eyes widened.

“No letters, yet.” Lexa answered on their behalf. Clarke could feel that Lexa was getting agitated with how the Jahas are acting. Clarke covertly placed her hand on Lexa’s thigh to calm her. 

“I hope Wells gets into NYU or Wharton. Also, I wouldn’t mind if Alexandria gets into Yale or Harvard.” Indra cooed. “How about you, Clarke? Where are you planning to go for college.” Indra asked as she took a sip of her wine.

“My mom is a nurse, I considered medicine at first but I’m actually looking into art or design.” Clarke shared.

“Hmm, medicine would be impressive but being in the furniture business, I guess a career in design looks promising. At least you know what you want.” Indra commented, Clarke noticed that she looked at Lexa as she spoke.

“Can we have a more stimulating conversation other than this?” Theo suddenly blurted out.

“If you don’t think talking about these young people’s futures is not stimulating enough, what else is, Theo? Should we rather talk about high rollers and roulettes?” Indra responded. Clarke could read the sarcasm in her tone. She also looked like she was containing herself to react a certain way.

“Whatever,” Theo mumbled and just got up of his seat.

“Excuse me,” Indra muttered under her breath as she followed Theo.

As soon as the couple disappeared into the upper floor, Lexa slumped back to her seat. "There you go! Welcome to the traditional Woods’ family dinner, Clarke.” Lexa scoffed. “It was fun while it lasted.”

“So, you’re buddy-buddies now?” Wells spat from across the table. It was the first time Clarke heard him talk the entire evening.

Lexa was about to retort but Clarke beat her to it. “I don’t think you have the right to say anything about any of my friends since you have stopped being mine.”

Wells eyes narrowed and he jolted up as well. “Suit yourself,” He mumbled as he walked towards his room.

Lexa just sat there staring at Clarke.

“What? He’s been rude the entire evening.” Clarke adjusted her eyeglasses.

“Well, it was a record, we lasted for thirty minutes.” Lexa wiped her mouth with a napkin.

“Oh, you’re not going anywhere, Lexa Woods. We are going to finish this dinner, I’m not a fan of food waste and this is a perfectly good steak.” Clarke pointed out. “Plus, I’m still hungry.”

Lexa smiled warmly at her girlfriend. “Well, in that case, this dining room might just get used to you.”

* * *

Lexa woke up to the warm glow of her girlfriend’s tresses. Clarke was still fast asleep snoring softly beside her. Despite Clarke’s front row seat at the disaster of the typical Woods’ family dinner. The rest of their evening went out quite well. Lexa convinced Clarke to watch _2001: A Space Odyssey_ with her. Ever since she found out that Clarke was named by her father after Arthur C. Clarke, Lexa had went out to rent a copy of the 1968 Stanley Kubrick film. Lexa’s usual commentary went on as they watched but Clarke did not mind, at least they could pause the movie whenever Lexa decides to babble in the middle of it all. As the end credits flashed, Clarke started to doze off in Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa decided that they should sleep then but as the lights went off, Clarke’s thoughts started to reel. So, they ended up talking as they were cuddled in Lexa’s bed. They talked about films, books, and fictional characters at first; deciding which ones were good and lame. They just shared anecdotes until they reached the topic of how they revolved around the same circles but were not able to know each other in depth. Clarke made a confession that she thought she had a crush on Lexa in their first year but decided against it since Lexa was dating Roan. Lexa admitted that she knew she might be attracted to girls in a long time but did not act upon it until now. She skipped the part about her sixth grade kiss with Niylah, she will tell Clarke about it eventually. They just chatted until both girls fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Lexa realized that she had this special connection with Clarke. It was not superficial like most things in high school, they just jived. If they indeed disagreed on something, they simply agreed to disagree. It was so strange that she finally had Clarke in her life now, someone to share every intimate detail with and not feel weird about it. It scared her how much she revealed of herself to Clarke but the other girl just made it so easy. Then a thought dawned at her, the future was uncertain, their future was uncertain. They have not talked about it yet but in a few months, they would need to figure out which university to attend. They may be lucky if they end up close or be a few hours away from each other but they might also be unfortunate enough to move on to different states. She should talk to Clarke soon, the future was inevitable, and this bothered Lexa. Now that she just realized that she finally had something great, it might slip away eventually. 

“I can hear you thinking out loud.” Clarke whispered with her eyes still closed.

“Huh?” Lexa’s reverie was broken.

“It’s so early in the morning, Lex.” Clarke slurred as she snuggled closer towards Lexa.

“The house is so quiet, I like it.” Lexa hummed.

“Do you think they are already down there?” Clarke mumbled incoherently.

“It’s a Sunday, Clarke, people in this household hate family time.” Lexa scoffed.

“Can we sleep in for a bit?” Clarke wondered.

“Sure.” Lexa moved to set a peck on Clarke’s lips but Clarke retaliated.

“Not yet, I have not brushed my teeth yet.” Clarke supplicated.

“I don’t care, it’s only a peck.” Lexa moved once more and Clarke allowed her to do so.

The kiss was chaste but tender; Lexa did not care about morning breath and all. She marveled at her quiet moment alone with Clarke. She should concentrate on the present time, she will worry about the future later, she tried to convince herself. For now, she likes the thought of simply waking up next to Clarke.

* * *


	14. Cannonball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, we have something we want to tell you.” Lexa declared.
> 
> They were in an open field in one of Arkadia’s nature parks. Clarke and Lexa had requested their friend group to drive out with them after school. John and Niylah shared knowing looks when they asked and Monty was just dragged out there without a clue as to where they were going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give the mentioned song here a listen, it sets the perfect mood for the first part of this chapter. 
> 
> Also, it has killer bass slides and it's actually the first song that you'll hear when you watch the "A Walk to Remember" movie. Anyway, here's another chapter! Enjoy!

* * *

Track 14: Cannonball

Song: Cannonball

Artist: The Breeders

Released: 1993

Album: Last Splash

* * *

Monday again…

Lexa and Clarke were early at school, Lexa decided to park her car at the back next to the faculty parking. Students do not usually park their cars there since there was a high chance at bumping into faculty members but they were unusually early and the lot was almost empty. As soon as the car’s tires screeched into a full stop. Lexa dragged Clarke by the collar and engaged her in a heavy lip lock. A subdued sound from the radio drowned the noises that they were making.

_Check check check_

_One two_

_Spitting in a wishing well_

_Blown to hell crash_

_I'm the last splash_

_I know you little libertine_

_I know you're a real coocoo_

_Want you coocoo cannonball_

_Want you coocoo cannonball_

_In the shade, in the shade_

_In the shade, in the shade_

_I know you little libertine_

_I know you're a cannonball_

Lexa’s hands were roaming all over Clarke’s torso; Clarke’s shirt had ridden almost a few inches up her bare stomach. Lexa’s fingers grazed the skin underneath her bra. Lexa’s tongue explored Clarke’s mouth, Clarke’s heart was pounding hard, and she had never done something this reckless in their school premises of all places. However, Lexa had this power over her lately, the need to be brazen, and the thirst to be closer. Clarke scolded herself internally, she never really understood those horny teenagers before but now she was becoming one of them, making out with her girlfriend at an empty parking lot that will soon be filled with people in a few minutes. But at the moment, she was drunk with adrenalin, she was too stoned with Lexa’s kisses. Clarke exhaled a muffled shriek when Lexa started to nip at her lower lip. Lexa retaliated at the noise.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” She pulled back.

“You almost bit me.” Clarke chuckled resting her forehead on Lexa’s. Her hands were still on Lexa’s hips, the middle console acting as a barrier between them.

“I’m sorry, almost got carried away.” Lexa apologized and her thick lips looked swollen.

‘It’s okay, it’s just that people will be arriving soon, I don’t mind really but you know…” Clarke implied that no one really knew about their relationship yet aside from Abby.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Lexa pecked her lips one last time before they slumped back to their respective seats, trying to cool themselves down. 

Clarke was suddenly chuckling as she stared at her reflection in the side view mirror. Her hair was disheveled and her eyeglasses were askew. There was an obvious blush on her face as she fixed the collar of the light blue shirt that she wore over a marron t-shirt. 

“Can we tell our friends?” Clarke blurted out; Lexa looked up from a pocket mirror that she held on her palm.

“I was meaning to ask you that.” Lexa smiled.

“I just want to act casual around them you know. To hold your hand when I can, to snuggle close when I want to.” Clarke realized. “I mean I know you’re not ready to let the entire school know yet but at least our friends should know.”

“I’m sorry if it feels like I’m hiding you.” Lexa confided. “Really, I’m not but I’m always a target of rumors, you know how it is. I just don’t know why people care so much about who I date.”

“Mainly because it’s either they would like to be you or would like to date you.” Clarke supplied.

“I’m not all that, Clarke. People should realize that sooner or later.” Lexa tousled her hair as it settled in its usual unruly curls. Clarke always loved this look, how Lexa seems to be effortlessly beautiful despite the small amount of work that she puts into things.

“Trust me, Lex, you’re all that.” Clarke sighed as she marveled at her girlfriend’s profile. _Girlfriend,_ she needs to get used to that, she calms her thrashing heart. 

* * *

“Hey, Clarke can I talk to you?”

Clarke was getting stuff from her locker when someone came up to her from the hallway. She recognized that voice.

“What do you want, Wells?” Clarke turned towards him.

Wells had this lost look; his backpack clung to his broad shoulders. He carried a textbook in his arm and he was wearing a black bomber jacket and an Arkadia High t-shirt. He looked like a jock now, yet Clarke could see through his guise.

“What’s the deal between you and Lexa?” Wells went straight to the point.

If there was one person who would make a big deal about this, it would be Wells. “What is it to you?” Clarke narrowed her eyes.

“Are you guys hanging out with them just to spite me?” Wells whispered crossly.

“What?” Clarke looked annoyed. “Why do you think everything is about you?”

“They’re bad news, Clarke.” Wells muttered.

“Wow! That is rich coming from you. Aren’t you speaking to the converted?” Clarke spoke in sarcasm. “What do you think you’re doing with Wallace?”

“Lexa and the Murphies are into some weird shady shit, Clarke!” Wells accused.

“Do you believe everything Cage tells you?” Clarke retorted. “Last time I checked you were smart. You live with Lexa for crying out loud. If there’s anything wrong, it’s how your figment of a family treats her.”

“You don’t know half of it. She was always mean to me, remember?” Wells recalled.

“I think I see the entire picture, Wells. She’s mean to you because she has every right to be. You know, maybe you should not look much into Lexa, aren’t you the least concerned about how your dad is acting? How you are acting?” Clarke pointed out.

“Leave my dad out of this; it is none of your business.” Wells spat back. Something was probably going on with his dad, the topic just affected Wells so much, and Clarke could see it in his eyes.

“You’re right and why are you here talking to me, anyway?” Clarke huffed.

“Because I still care about you, Clarke!” Wells admitted.

“Right,” Clarke snorted. “You do have a funny way of showing it!” Clarke banged her locker shut and walked away without looking back.

* * *

“So, we have something we want to tell you.” Lexa declared.

They were in an open field in one of Arkadia’s nature parks. Clarke and Lexa had requested their friend group to drive out with them after school. John and Niylah shared knowing looks when they asked and Monty was just dragged out there without a clue as to where they were going.

“Is this the part when you both will admit that you’re finally banging each other?” Niylah joked.

Clarke’s cheeks reddened, Lexa just had this astounded look.

“Fucking finally!” Monty jumped in glee, hugged Clarke and spun her around until she was dizzy.

“Pay up, dork.” Niylah elbowed her brother.

“So, tell me Lex, how far have you guys gone, have you gone all the way or what?” John asked mischievously.

“What the hell? You bet on us?” Lexa reacted.

“It doesn’t matter, John, they are dating now, pay up, you bastard!” Niylah scolded.

“We need to at least know how serious this is.” John retorted.

“It’s Lexa and Clarke, John; they are like heart eyes head over heels serious for each other.” Niylah jeered.

“Hey, we still haven’t confirmed anything.” Lexa scoffed. “I was in the middle of a speech.”

“Okay, she prepared a speech, this one is a goner.” John took out a 50-dollar bill from his wallet.

“Damn you, we just cost 50 dollars?” Lexa huffed.

“We have a running bet, Lex, don’t worry. Just keep us updated about all your other relationship milestones and I’ll be swimming in cash before college.” Niylah chuckled.

Clarke still looked a bit wobbly beside Monty.

“We should celebrate!” Monty exclaimed. “Hey, can Harper know about this?” He asked Clarke.

Clarke just nodded in reply as she looked at Lexa, seeking for affirmation. Lexa just smiled back at her.

“But can we keep this to ourselves first? The entire school would chew on this once word gets out, we don’t want all that attention.” Clarke requested.

“Of course,” Niylah beamed. “I’m just so proud of you both!”

“I don’t see the point why we need to drive out here for this. I’m hungry.” John mumbled.

“We wanted to add some flair to this heartfelt reveal but you all are just lame.” Lexa puffed.

“Not everyone is as cheesy as you, Lex. Maybe Clarke is into that stuff but us, not so much.” Niylah teased.

“C’mon, Mont. Let’s go have some burgers, Lexa is paying, she cost me 50.” John dragged Monty back to the jeep, Niylah followed behind them with a spring in her step.

“Not as dramatic as you expected?” Clarke placed an arm over Lexa’s shoulder.

“Am I that cheesy?” Lexa still could not let go of the thought.

“That’s what I like about you most.” Clarke left a wet kiss on her cheek, which Lexa wiped off immediately in annoyance; everyone seemed to enjoy teasing her today, including Clarke.

“You’re all a disappointment.” Lexa derided. Though she was not showing it, she was actually at the peak of happiness at this very moment.

* * *

“So, what do you do now that all your dreams have come true?” Monty joked as he walked back home with Clarke.

After they left the diner, they asked Lexa to drop them off several blocks away from their houses. Clarke and Monty missed their usual best friend walks and Lexa sensitively obliged.

“Don’t be overly dramatic, Mont. You sound like Lexa.” Clarke remarked.

“When summer had started I didn’t know that we would end up here.” Monty laughed quietly.

“Likewise.” Clarked muttered.

“We’re all grown up, Clarkey. We have girlfriends now; I thought I would never see the day!” Monty hopped around.

“What should I say? Congratulations?” Clarke teased.

“Thank you for sticking around with me.” Monty huffed.

“Hey, we always have each other’s backs.” Clarke reassured.

“Even if we end up miles away in the future?” Monty realized.

“Even if you move to the Moon and I’ll be stuck here on Earth! Clarke declared. 

“Oh, Lexa’s cheesiness is rubbing off on you!” Monty placed a light jab on Clarke’s elbow.

They walked around in silence for a while. Clarke had her hands in her jean pockets and Monty was looking up at the sky, seemingly searching for something.

“Do you miss him, Clarke?” Clarke knew whom Monty was referring to. Clarke remained soundless beside him.

“He walked up to me today.” Clarke confessed.

“What did he want this time?” Monty asked.

“Typical, he warned me about Lexa and the twins.” Clarke revealed. “He said he still cared though.”

“Well, he has a funny way of showing it.” Monty slurred.

“That’s exactly what I told him!” Clarke acknowledged.

“Do you think that we have lost him for good?” Monty sounded upset. Even if Monty had found a new friend in John, Clarke recognized that the years they had spent with Wells were still unredeemable. Wells has changed drastically in less than a year and this turnaround was quite surprising. They did not expect that he had so much anger in him.

“He doesn’t sound like the old Wells anymore. He’s so convinced about all the unfounded stuff that Cage implants in his brain.” Clarke pointed out.

“I just hate to see him go down that way.” Monty huffed.

“Well, you and I both.” Clarke took a deep breath.

* * *

“So, this is what you all do for fun?” Harper huffed as she slumped on the sofa next to Clarke and Lexa.

It was a Saturday afternoon and they were hanging out at the John and Niylah’s house. John and Monty were on their stomachs on the rug on the floor; Monty was teaching John how to play Magic: The Gathering cards. Niylah was still in her pajamas, painting her toenails a bright red, next to her brother. Clarke and Lexa were cozy next to each other on the couch. Lexa’s head rested on Clarke’s lap while she was engrossed in a paperback. Clarke was playing with the tendrils of Lexa’s hair while she read a graphic novel that rested on the arm of the sofa.

“Contrary to popular belief, we don’t spend our time making out or sleeping with our siblings or friends.” John sniggered without looking up from his cards.

“Your boyfriend has turned my brother into a geek.” Niylah commented.

“Hey, this is an engaging game which entails strategy and memory.” John mumbled.

“Well said, brother.” Monty added.

Harper just smirked. “Should we play a group game, how about truth or dare?”

“Last time that happened, we almost lost your boyfriend here.” John countered.

“What?” Harper looked alarmed.

“I’m trying to bury that incident but I guess I’ll tell you later.” Monty turned to Harper.

“Okay,” Harper furrowed her brows. “Can I just say that I can’t believe that I’m with the popular kids now and I am actually bored to death?” She snorted.

“Whoever built stereotypes should suck it.” Clarke murmured.

“Yeah, this is a big fuck you to stereotypes.” Lexa lifted her finger. “We can we boring, too.”

“Why am I even here?” Harper droned to herself.

“C’mon Harp, let’s raid my closet, I’ll give you a makeover.” Niylah jumped up from her spot.

“Finally!” Harper looked giddy.

“A makeover, really?” Lexa jolted up.

“I’m a normally scantily-clad woman who dates a woman at this point in time, what stereotype are you talking about?” Niylah bantered back.

“Ten years from now they’ll figure you out and coin a term for you! You’ll be a stereotype eventually!” Lexa called out after Niylah and Harper.

* * *

“I’m scared, Niy.” Lexa divulged.

Lexa and Niylah were at the kitchen preparing drinks while the rest of their friends were watching a movie at the living room as they waited for pizza to be delivered.

“Scared of what?” Niylah wondered as she rummaged the refrigerator.

“That I’ll bore Clarke to death someday, that we would no longer be as interesting.” Lexa moped. “Like what Harper said, aren’t we boring? Clarke is into all those kinds of stuff and I don’t even have a consistent hobby.”

“What are you talking about? She likes you for you, you idiot! You have just been dating for weeks yet you sound like you are in mid-life crisis already.” Niylah laughed.

“Is this really how it is? I mean no big gestures. I am running out of ideas as we speak.” Lexa cried out.

“Your life is not a rom-com, Lex, snap out of it. It’s the little things that we often overlook that actually matters.” Niylah shook her by the shoulders. “Didn’t you say that courtship is one big lie that men orchestrate to make themselves look good and they would eventually get what they want?”

“Well, that was a heteronormative notion when I was still dating Roan. But I don’t know how this whole lesbian thing works. How do I keep things interesting? I mean shouldn’t women have figured out what other women want?” Lexa felt like she was vomiting words.

“What hanky-panky magazine article have you been reading?” Niylah was taken aback. “There are no rules to this, Lex. There are no required step-by-step achievements. You and Clarke are average teenagers, well, not so average because you guys are smarter than the rest of our student population based on your GPAs but you know what I mean. Just be a teenager and just act like it, you sound like an ageing woman in those soap operas, so worried about a preconceived expiration date. Grand gestures are just a capitalist scheme to prompt us to buy flowers, go to restaurants or the mall or hotels, and spend some hard-earned money on props and material things to squeeze more revenue from us all. Fuck what am I talking about; I’m starting to sound like Anya!” Niylah muttered. 

Then, it dawned at Lexa; they were no longer talking about her.

“Niy, are you okay?” Lexa moved to hug Niylah.

“I just miss her, that’s all.” Niylah mumbled on Lexa’s shoulder. “It’s just this long distance thing is creeping up on me, I just can’t wait for next year.”

“It will be soon, okay. You’ll go to Columbia.” Lexa tried to lift Niylah’s spirits. She was so caught up with her own issues that she actually forgot to check on Niylah.

“What if I don’t get in, Lex? What should I do? I don’t want to break up with her.” Niylah cried.

“You’ll get in, I know you will.” Lexa comforted.

“You know, it’s not even the physical things, I’m the least sexually frustrated, actually. I just miss talking to her, I miss being around her, talking to her about everyday stuff. Is that wrong? Do I sound so whiny? She’s just so mature about everything that I feel like I’m so pathetic.” Niylah inquired in sniffles.

“No, no it’s not, like you said, it’s a perfectly normal reaction.” Lexa hugged Niylah closer. “Is she coming home for Thanksgiving?” Lexa asked. Niylah just nodded in response.

“You should invite her then.” Lexa advised.

“But isn’t it our thing?” Niylah realized.

“You’ll get to spend time with us and you get to spend time with Anya. It’s not a big deal as long as John is cool with it.” Lexa beamed.

“Thanks, Lex.” Niylah was smiling now.

“Like you said, it’s the little things.” Lexa smiled. “I get it now.”

* * *


	15. Never Let You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not letting that go aren’t you?” Lexa huffed.
> 
> Clarke just flashed her most charming smile at Lexa.
> 
> “There’s this one thing that I always wanted to do since I saw you this morning.” Lexa whispered as she leaned closer on one knee towards Clarke.
> 
> “What?” Clarke words were caught in her throat when Lexa pulled her into a deep kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really writing at a quicker pace now but perhaps the next updates would be set weekly. However, here is a back to back update, this chapter was too long so I divided it into three parts. I'm posting the first two parts first since they are somehow very much connected. Enjoy!

* * *

Track 15: Never Let You Go

Song: Never Let You Go

Artist: Third Eye Blind

Released: 1999

Album: Blue

* * *

That Thanksgiving break…

It was a busy day at the Woods household though the adults were not there but the teenagers were in full activity mode. A number of cars were lined in their driveway, this included John’s jeep and Lexa’s Mustang. There were other vehicles as well; this included a delivery van. Indra and Thelonious were away again, settling some deals in Norway. Lexa and Wells were left to their own devices this Thanksgiving weekend. However, Indra knew fully well that Lexa and her friends were off to their annual Friendsgiving trip; the tradition started long ago when Lexa was always left to spend her Thanksgiving with the Murphy twins when both sets of their parents were usually away. The twins would often take Lexa to the Murphy vacation home by the lake and they would spend the break either fishing, canoeing, and just laying low. This year, Clarke, Monty, Harper and Anya were invited to the trip. Clarke was immediately off the hook since Abby was on duty at the hospital but Monty and Harper had a bit of a hard time convincing their parents. Eventually, after much probing and pouting, their parents caved realizing that their children will be off to different places soon and they should build as many memories with their friends for now. Anya was home for the break, so obviously, she tagged along. John scowled about being the seventh wheel but he grasped that this would be a good cleanse for him as he ends his senior year and he might ultimately have a blast in college anyway. 

While Lexa and her friends were off to a possibly wholesome weekend, Wells was turning their house into a club. A DJ booth was being set up by the poolside and kegs and kegs of cheap beer were being dragged into the garage. Lexa did not like the idea one bit, she did not think that Wells would be responsible enough to hold things together especially under Cage’s mentorship. The disastrous parties that Cage held always ended up in police calls but she had enough of Wells. So, she did the next best thing, she kept all the valuable implements of their house including artworks, furnishings, and appliances inside her and Indra’s bedroom. She also had their bedrooms and Indra’s office in lock and key. Clarke was helping her with some stuff when Wells passed by them in the hallway with a glare.

“I have everything under control, I’m not a child.” Wells muttered under his breath.

“We can never be so sure.” Lexa retorted as she struggled with an abstract painting with Clarke towards Indra’s room.

Clarke just gave Wells a deplorable look. She knew that this is what Wells hates most, being undermined.

Cage was busy with the booze delivery when Wells approached him at the garage.

“Who drove a stick up your ass this time?” Cage chuckled.

“Princess Lexa and her merry men.” Wells replied indignantly.

“What did she do this time?” Cage wondered.

“She’s barricading rooms in the house like I’m some child who does not know what I’m doing.” Wells mumbled.

“Well, I’d say she’s just paranoid, man. They’ll be off to some boring hunting and gathering stint and we’re here throwing the most epic party of the century!” Cage hailed.

“Of course,” Wells replied. In reality, he was indeed a bit concerned. Cage could be a lose canon sometimes and since his parents needed to deal with the police with the last party he threw, his house was already off limits. Therefore, he needed to convince Wells to host this party. Wells was tired of fitting in, but if this is the cost of being popular then he did in fact have the resources, though these were Indra’s resources. 

Wells looked on with a tinge of jealousy as he saw Monty and Clarke having the time of their lives as they loaded coolers, picnic baskets, and gear into Lexa’s and John’s car. He noticed that Monty probably had a girlfriend now, _who is she?_ He was no longer privy to too many new things in Monty and Clarke’s lives. _How far gone is he?_ Also, Cage and his parties were becoming a bit tedious. He never enjoyed those bashes, he usually needed to remain sober since Cage most likely goes crazy drunk and he needs to keep it together and act as the doorman. Clarke was right; he is becoming Cage’s lackey now. Wells eventually snapped out of his musings when Clarke gave him a contemptible look. She was helping Lexa load some things at the trunk of her car. Though he would not admit it, he just misses Clarke so much. It has also been weird that Clarke has started hanging out with Lexa that is so not like her. She used to hate the popular kids with him. _Funny how things turned out._ Then, there is Lexa, Lexa who has a hold on everything, the perfect girl. Lexa who now has her best friends, Lexa who now has Clarke and Monty’s full attention. Lexa who everyone adores at school, who despite the rumors about her remains revered by many. Boys want to have her and girls want to be her. But there must be something wrong with Lexa, there should be some dirt under that clean façade. When Clarke and Monty realizes that Lexa and her friends are utter bullshit maybe they would come back, maybe they would see that Wells is on top of the food chain now.

“She can’t be that perfect.” Wells muttered. 

“Who?” Cage asked.

“Lexa.” Wells replied.

“Well, you live with her, man. Surely, you have some dirt on her.” Cage sprung the idea. “I mean, Roan and I tried bringing her down but she won’t budge. I am just sick of them walking around all smug and all like they own the place. I mean it’s our senior year, this should be our year, this is our last chance to be on top of the social ladder. She needs to go down at some point. So, start digging, you already have the chance to see her in her most vulnerable state, you live in the same house.” Cage patted his back.

“You’re right, she can’t be that perfect.” Wells realized.

He continued to stare as Clarke and Lexa were laughing their asses off when the entire contents of the box Monty was carrying just spilled on the ground at his feet.

* * *

Lexa’s car revved at the open highway as they were driving towards the woodland area of Arkadia. The car radio hummed as the sound is muffled by the wind through the open windows.

_There's every good reason for letting you go_

_She's sneaky and smoked out_

_And it's starting to show_

_I'll never let you go_

_I'll never let you go_

_I'll never let you go_

_I'll never let you turn around your back on each other_

_That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother_

_Turn around your back on each other_

_You say that I've changed_

_Well, maybe I did_

_But even if I changed_

_What's wrong with it_

_I'll never let you go_

_I'll never let you go_

_I'll never let you go_

“If I knew any better, you insisted on bringing your car so that you could drive alone with me.” Clarke chuckled as she stared on the open road, her elbow resting on the car door. She was wearing a denim jacket with faux-fur collar that also matched her pants. She had a plain woolen white t-shirt underneath her jacket.

“You think?” Lexa smirked. She wore a red plaid shirt under an oversized army green jacket, a maroon beanie, a pair of dark denims, and hiking boots. Clarke could not help but gush at Lexa’s lumberjack look.

“The look on Niylah’s face when she found out that they were all driving in John’s jeep.” Clarke looked at the side mirror as the jeep trailed behind them.

“The jeep looks cozy.” Lexa chuckled. John was mindful enough to set down the weatherproof full top since the wind was getting chillier. “Plus, we are going off-road; we always take John’s jeep.”

“So, how long has this tradition been going on?” Clarke wondered.

“Since the beginning of high school, it’s not really a tradition. It just sprung out of necessity.” Lexa looked somber. Clarke realized how lonely the holidays were probably for Lexa and the twins with their parents being away for most of the time throughout the year. “I used to stay at the twin’s house before but when we were old enough to drive out here, we just hang out by the lake. Their vacation home has a caretaker, Mr. Thorne; he looks after us when we are there. He thought us some survival basics like building a fire, knot tying, scavenging, fishing, and swimming.”

“He sounds interesting.” Clarke notes.

“He likes telling ghost stories, too.” Lexa grinned.

“Well, we can skip that part.” Clarke deadpanned. 

An idea hits Lexa, she looks at Clarke for a while before setting her attention back on the road. “You scared of ghost stories, babe?” She teased.

Clarke felt a tingle when she heard that term of endearment but she remained blasé. “I can watch movies about it while I’m at home but definitely not when I’m in some cabin in the middle of the woods.”

“I’ll keep you safe.” Lexa reached out for Clarke’s hand.

“If you just want to keep me close, there’s no need to scare the hell out of me, Lex.” Clarke countered. 

“You’re no fun at all, Griffin.” Lexa chuckled. “Horror movies and stories are always some form of archetypal foreplay, the girl snuggles close and then you take advantage of her!” Lexa joked.

“From which heteronormative horror paperback have you taken that advice from? In horror movies, it is always the horny teenagers who sneak out in the bushes or hide in the basement that are killed off first! I think that’s from the same book.” Clarke bantered. 

“We’re talking about sex again.” Lexa abruptly realized, her tone suddenly becoming sterner.

“You started it.” Clarke thought. It had been weeks since they shared these conversations, jokes about sex, questions about how it should be. There seems to be some thick air between them whenever this issue pops up and Lexa is always the first one to catch herself. Clarke may admit that this thought had crossed her mind several times already, especially since she is looking forward to sharing a room with Lexa again. But Lexa always has this notion that they should not plan for it, that if the right time springs up, they would know. However, Clarke thinks they are running out of time, the year will end soon and eventually, there is a big chance that they would be off to different colleges. She promised herself that if they indeed end up in a long-distance relationship, she would try with Lexa. However, she does not want their first time to end up in phone sex or worse, maybe a drunken accident with someone else because the long-distance thing might just damage them. Clarke is so ready and she cannot help but drop hints for Lexa to finally do something about it. She wants her first time with Lexa; she wants everything with Lexa.

“A penny for your thoughts, Clarke?” Lexa noticed Clarke’s sudden silence.

“My thoughts would cause more than a penny, Lex.” Clarke kidded.

“Name your price?” Lexa raised her eyebrow.

“Oh, you smug rich bastard!” Clarke slapped Lexa’s arm. “You’re always a smart ass.”

“My ass can be smart, among other things.” Lexa wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke.

Clarke just flashed her a sardonic smirk, now, she cannot stop thinking about Lexa’s firm ass as they traversed the highway.

* * *

“Here comes my troops!” Gustus Thorne greeted the twins and Lexa as they jumped out of their vehicles. He was wearing a Barlow military jacket, a flannel shirt, tactical pants, and heavy-duty boots. He carried a machete as he was chopping wood when they arrived. Clarke already felt safe in his presence; he looked like someone who would help you survive an apocalypse or a random serial killer in the woods. He has this close beard and short brown wavy hair that made him look like he belonged to the forests.

“Hey, Gus!” John greeted Gustus with a side hug and Niylah kissed him on the forehead. Lexa followed suit enveloping him in a bone-crushing hug as he chuckled.

“So, who are the new recruits?” Gus motioned at the others.

“Oh, that’s my buddy Monty and his girlfriend Harper.” John motioned at the duo.

“Gus, meet my girl, Anya.” Niylah introduced.

Gus did not bat an eye and accepted Anya’s handshake.

“This is Clarke, my girlfriend.” Lexa wrapped an arm over Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke was a bit surprised, Gustus was probably the only adult in the twins and Lexa’s lives who made them act so comfortable and less hostile.

“I’m charmed.” Gustus shook Clarke’s hand.

Niylah and Lexa held their breath as Gustus remained quiet for a while.

“Oh, I see.” Gus chuckled. “You know with Lexa, I always wondered but I’m a bit surprised about you Niy, but could not deny that it also crossed my mind somehow.” Gus rubbed his chin.

“What do you mean by that?” Lexa narrowed her eyes.

“I mean when I heard that you were dating that hunky Roan chap, I thought I was wrong about my instincts. I never pegged you for being a Suzy homemaker and here you are finally out of your shell.” Gus snickered.

“So, you never pegged me as being into girls?” Niylah looked amused. “Is it because of the way I dress?” Niylah was always so concerned about that.

“Not necessarily, but I always thought that you girls can love whoever you want to love, the last thing I want is for you lot to end up as submissive housewives. I gave you survival lessons for a reason.” Gustus winked. “I’m just glad that you both had finally decided to come to your senses.” Gustus was right; he never stereotyped them based on their gender. He encouraged Lexa and Niylah’s competitive spirits and he knew that John was more easy-going than the other two. Though he lived this life of seclusion in the Murphy property, Gustus has a progressive mind for people his age. All the trio knew about him was that he served some time in Saigon at the tail end of the war. Upon his return, the Murphy patriarch, their grandfather, hired him to take care of their land and he has done a great job so far. He stays in a cabin next to their vacation home and he has always taken care of the trio whenever they visit. To say that Gustus has seen things in his life is an understatement and each year they spend with him, he slowly shares a shard of himself with them.

“I like him already.” Anya whispered to Niylah as she lifted their bags.

“Interesting, right?” John was smirking beside Gustus.

“I’m just relieved.” Gustus declared. “Come on then, I have something prepared for you kids.”

* * *

After a hearty meal of Gus’ freshly caught grilled bass with onions, olives, and artichoke, the group proceeded for a short tour of the house. To say that the Murphy vacation home was not a cabin as how Clarke initially pictured it is an understatement. It is actually a modern looking sleek piece of a building in the middle of the woods, enclosed in the fenced in Murphy property. Lexa described it to Clarke as designed after Philip Johnson’s Glass House but only half of the house was enclosed in floor to ceiling glass. The house looked like it floated within the vegetation. However, the bedrooms, the bathroom and powder room had privacy, they were thankfully opaque and Clarke was grateful for that. The kitchen, the living area with a fireplace, and the dining area were all visible to the eye from outside. An open-deck was connected to the main house; there was a grill set-up and a hearth in the middle of a circular sunken seating area. This was where they had their meal just a while ago. The steel structure was adorned with natural stone and bricks. Shiny modern-looking leather furniture were spread all over the place. There were only two rooms in the house but Clarke was surprised that there was an actual basement. John explained that his paranoid grandfather set up this dugout feature for an imagined nuclear war. The basement was actually arranged as a game room with a pool table, comfortable futons and sleeping bags were already set up for John and Monty in this area. However, there was a small storage room where the supplies are kept such as pickled vegetables and smoked meat. A small wine cellar was also incorporated in the storage space.

“So, John and Monty will stay here and you girls can divide the upper bedrooms amongst yourselves.” Gus instructed. The rest of the group were just in awe as they toured around the property.

“We’re sleeping next to the booze, buddy!” John stated.

Lexa and Niylah were suddenly pulled aside by Gustus. “I know that you ladies are grown up and all but no funny business okay?” Gustus warned. “Well, actually, you can do whatever but please don’t make a mess out of things; I’m not very good with laundry.” Gustus implied. 

Lexa blushed like a tomato and Niylah just chuckled. “It’s Lex you should worry about, Harper is rooming with us. Anya and I will be in our best behavior!” Niylah guaranteed.

“What?” Lexa looked confused.

“We’re taking the bigger bedroom; you and Clarke can take the smaller one.” Niylah directed. “What’s wrong, Lex? Isn’t it like you guys haven’t shared a bedroom before, I heard about the sleepovers.” Niylah winked.

“It’s not like that, Niy.” Lexa defended.

“Whatever, Lex. Act human for once.” Niylah chided. Gustus just laughed as he walked behind them.

* * *

“So, Niylah bullied us into this small room.” Lexa muttered, it had a queen size bed though, the bigger room had two double beds, which Lexa usually shares with Niylah, and John usually takes the smaller room.

“At least the bed is bigger.” Clarke plops down on the bed. Flapping her arms like she was a snow angel.

“Yeah,” Lexa swallowed her words as she looked at her girlfriend being cozy on the bed.

“So, what’s in our itinerary?” Clarke muttered as she flipped over on her stomach, resting her head on her hand.

Lexa can’t help but admire at how adorable Clarke looks now, especially with her glasses askew.

“There is no itinerary, Clarke. We’re on vacation, you can just do whatever you want. Except for Gus’ set meal times, he’s particular about those. Though there’s an open invitation to go fishing with Gus tomorrow at dawn.” Lexa recalled.

“I would like to learn how to fish.” Clarke declared.

“I’m never good at fishing.” Lexa pointed out.

“Is it because you talk a lot with side comments and all? I heard that you need to be still and quiet while fishing.” Clarke laughed.

“You’re not letting that go aren’t you?” Lexa huffed.

Clarke just flashed her most charming smile at Lexa.

“There’s this one thing that I always wanted to do since I saw you this morning.” Lexa whispered as she leaned closer on one knee towards Clarke.

“What?” Clarke words were caught in her throat when Lexa pulled her into a deep kiss.

* * *


	16. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What did you just say?” Clarke was clearheaded now.
> 
> Lexa just realized the words that she just uttered. She did not just say it out of the heat of the moment. She said it with warmth, though it was not exactly the way she pictured she would tell Clarke but she said it out of candor. It just came out naturally, casually, and she meant it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of the lengthy chapter. Though I did not place any rating for this fic; I am now indicating a warning for this chapter. Please take note that some smut will ensue.  
> I do not really like preempting things but for the sake of those who are not a fan of smut, you know the drill, you can move along but some plot is embedded though. I did note its eventuality in the tags, 90s teen movies are full of it anyway.

* * *

Track 16: Stay

Song: Stay (I Missed You)

Artist: Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories

Released: 1994

Album: Single (Soundtrack for the film _Reality Bites_ )

* * *

“So, you’re telling us that Gus does not have any family left?” Monty furrowed his brows.

After dinner, Gus had prepared the open fire outdoors and they hovered around the warmth. Gus then left them alone and appointed John to make sure that the fire was put out. They were roasting marshmallows and Harper was excited to make s’mores. 

“Well, he implied it once, he’s really so covert about many things. Though the company HR has his files.” Niylah answered, she was snuggled to Anya’s side, and they were encased in a blanket.

“He’s really surviving out here all alone?” Clarke wondered. She sat next to Lexa, holding on to the crackers with a piece of chocolate, waiting for the roasted marshmallow in Lexa’s hand to be ready.

“Well, actually there are other staff around this property, maintaining the grounds, security personnel. He’s not virtually alone; he’s just the only person who interacts with us.” John explained. 

“So, he’s like your manny?” Monty realized.

“A what?” Lexa snickered. 

“A manny, a male nanny.” Harper answered on Monty’s behalf. Monty nodded enthusiastically beside him.

“He carries a machete, he’s not our manny.” John chuckled.

"A bodyguard then?" Monty added.

“Well, if anything, he’s family. He has taken care of us and taught us many things more than our parents.” Niylah appreciated.

“Yeah, not all family members come with DNA or paperwork.” Anya huffed.

“You have a good point there, love. Gus is like a parent to us and he always will be, that is why we like spending Thanksgiving with him, he matters.” Niylah commented.

Clarke realized that Lexa was deep in thought. She thought about Lexa’s household, their entire dynamic, how her mother has become distant with her, how Theo and Wells had been acting around her. Niylah and John are probably more fortunate to have Gus around. Lexa could only turn to her friends and now that she is already in Lexa’s life, Clarke would make sure that Lexa could turn to her, too.

“Anything wrong?” Clarke whispered to Lexa’s ear.

“I’m just glad I’m here, I’m happy you’re here.” Lexa whispered back, bumping her shoulder against Clarke’s.

“I’m glad I am, too.” Clarke gathered. 

* * *

When everyone already retired back to their rooms, Clarke was reading a book under the glow of their bedside lamp. Lexa was restless that night but she just wanted to be quiet with Clarke. She turned on the portable CD player that she brought with her; she was playing a mix that she did herself. Then when the last song came up and she began tapping her fingers lightly on Clarke’s stomach where she also rested her head. She had forgotten about this song for quite some time. 

_You say_

_I only hear what I want to_

_And you say_

_I talk so all the time, so_

_And I thought what I felt was simple_

_And I thought that I don't belong_

_And now that I am leaving_

_Now I know that I did something wrong_

_'Cause I missed you_

_Yeah I missed you_

_And you say_

_I only hear what I want to_

_I don't listen hard_

_I don't pay attention_

_To the distance_

_That you're running or to_

_Anyone anywhere_

“I think I’m ready, Clarke.” Lexa finally blurted out.

“What?” Clarke was caught dumbfounded.

_I don't understand if you really care_

_I'm only hearing negative, no no no, bad_

_So I, I turned the radio on,_

_I turned the radio up_

_And this woman was singing my song_

_Lovers in love and the other's run away_

_Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay_

_And some of us hover when we weep_

_For the other who was dying_

_Since the day they were born, well_

_Well, this is not that_

_I think that I'm throwing_

_But I'm thrown_

“Let’s do it.” Lexa jolted up.

“As in now?” Clarke set the book that she was reading on the side table. She rested her back on the headboard and sat up.

“Only if you want to.” Lexa whispered to her ear.

Clarke nodded. “I don’t know if I will be good at it though.” She looked worried.

“Don’t think about it, we’ll figure it out together.” Lexa hummed.

“Okay,” Clarke beamed nervously.

_And I thought I'd live forever_

_But now I'm not so sure_

_You try to tell me that I'm clever_

_But that won't take me anyhow_

_Or anywhere,_

_With you_

_And you said that I was naive_

_And I thought that I was strong_

_I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave"_

_Oh but now I know that I was wrong_

_'Cause I missed you_

_Yeah, I missed you_

Lexa moved from her current position and sat on Clarke’s lap, her legs entrapping Clarke’s torso on both sides. She was so light on her feet, Clarke marveled at how graceful Lexa lingered at the heat of the moment. She carefully took off Clarke’s glasses and placed it next to the novel. She then held Clarke’s chin up and this caused Clarke to take shallow breaths. Lexa inched closer and Clarke could only get lost into the abyss of Lexa’s green eyes. Lexa stared intently at Clarke, she marveled at how her face glowed under the warmth of the night light. She drowned herself in the depth of Clarke’s blue eyes. Then, she took the plunge, engaging Clarke into a tender kiss. She then peppered Clarke’s neck with affectionate kisses, nipped lightly at the skin behind her ear until she could hear Clarke gasping for air.

_You said, "you caught me cause you want me_

_And one day I'll let you go"_

_You try to give away a keeper_

_Or keep me 'cause you know you're just so_

_Scared to lose_

_And you say,_

_"Stay"_

_You say_

_I only hear what I want to_

Then, the CD player played its last track. The only sound inside their room was their heavy breathing and the movements of their tongues against each other.

“We should stay quiet.” Lexa whispered as she withdrew from their kiss. Though the other girls’ bedroom were at the end of the hall, Lexa could not risk their first time to be the center of banter the next day.

“Okay,” Clarke panted.

“Can I take this off now?” Lexa fumbled for the edge of Clarke’s sweatshirt. Clarke just bobbed her head and Lexa’s nimble fingers carefully lifted Clarke’s shirt. Lexa’s eyes raked over Clarke’s torso, she was wearing a grey sports bra underneath and her light skin was already so flushed. Clarke felt so soft under her touch.

“May I?” Clarke almost choked on her words as she moved to lift Lexa’s t-shirt as well.

“Of course,” Lexa replied meekly.

The moment Clarke had Lexa’s shirt above her head; she almost fell back. Lexa was not wearing a bra and her naked torso was right in front of Clarke.

“Uhm, you didn’t wear…” Clarke stuttered.

“Is it okay?” Lexa looked worried.

“No, Lex, you’re perfect…I’m sorry, I’m just so nervous.” Clarke choked.

Lexa’s skin was so firm and glossy. She was not as muscular as Clarke thought she would be but her stomach was faultlessly flat. Her nipples were already taut when it was exposed to cold air. Instead of ogling at her body for a while longer, Clarke wrapped her arms around her and drew her close.

“Are you cold?” Clarke whispered to her ear.

“I won’t be for much longer.” Lexa kissed Clarke some more, exploring her mouth with her tongue.

As much as Lexa enjoyed kissing Clarke, she broke the kiss and rested her weight on her arms once more.

“I want to feel you.” Lexa uttered. She moved to unhook Clarke’s bra and Clarke lifted her trunk to allow Lexa’s hands some room to reach for her back. As soon as Lexa had discarded Clarke’s bra, her eyes went wide.

“Wow!” Lexa remarked.

“You always talk too much, Lex.” Clarke was feeling impatient. “Can you please just do what you have to do?”

“Of course,” Lexa smiled impishly.

The first thing she did was to cup both of Clarke’s breasts. If she was not this turned on before, she definitely felt so edgy now. If she was not so mindful about being gentle with Clarke, all she wanted to do was to simply get rid of all their clothing and just have her way with Clarke. But it was not like that, she just wanted to savor the moment, she wanted to remember ever second, not just give in to her drive and take this in a stride. 

Lexa then placed gentle kisses on Clarke’s sternum while she squeezed lightly on her breasts. As soon as Clarke’s nipples began to stiffen, she moved to suck on each one, tugging lightly with her teeth as she went along. Clarke wiggled underneath her and she could feel Clarke press her fingers onto her back.

“Let we know if it hurts.” Lexa mumbled on Clarke’s chest. 

“Fuck, you’re doing fine.” Clarke breathe out.

With Lexa’s movements, Clarke was already at the brink. The blonde twisted beneath Lexa and moved to get rid of Lexa’s pajama bottoms. Lexa obliged and wiggled out of the garment, she was left with only her black silk panties on. Lexa slithered towards Clarke's stomach; she licked and sucked every surface until her nose touched the rim of Clarke’s sweatpants. She raised her head and caught Clarke’s eyes, the blonde nodded in approval. In one swift motion, Lexa had removed Clarke’s pants together with her underwear. She did not know if Clarke prepared for this moment, but there was just a slight patch of hair over Clarke’s mound. Lexa’s mind was caught in panic at first but as she drew a deep breath, she eventually calmed down. Clarke writhed as Lexa accidentally blew some air directly into Clarke’s sensitive spot. Lexa positioned herself in between Clarke’s legs and parted them carefully.

“You didn’t bring the dental dams, did you?” Lexa found a moment to make a joke.

“What?” Clarke’s thoughts were already foggy.

“Oh, I love you,” Lexa just chuckled without realizing what she really said.

Almost instantaneously, Clarke jolted up and she was now face to face with Lexa.

“What did you just say?” Clarke was clearheaded now.

Lexa just realized the words that she just uttered. She did not just say it out of the heat of the moment. She said it with warmth, though it was not exactly the way she pictured she would tell Clarke but she said it out of candor. It just came out naturally, casually, and she meant it. 

“I love you, Clarke.” Lexa repeated.

Clarke just smiled at her, her eyes almost glassy. “I love you, too, Lex.” Then Clarke pulled her in for a kiss.

As soon as they pulled apart, Lexa urged Clarke to lie back down. She placed both of Clarke’s legs over her shoulder. As Lexa inched closer into Clarke’s aching mound, she could sense Clarke’s deep breaths.

“Just relax, babe.” She uttered. Lexa had never done this before but she was determined to make Clarke feel good. _Don’t overthink it,_ she chided herself.

Lexa began licking Clarke’s thighs, she would stop as soon as she was close to Clarke’s center and she would move to the other thigh. She placed her hands on near Clarke’s hip joints. Clarke fidgeted under her touch but she held her in place. Then without much warning, she took the plunge. Lexa parted Clarke’s outer labia with her tongue, the blonde gasped at the sudden contact. Lexa began licking her way up and down, she understood that Clarke was already so wet. She then began moving her tongue in circles until she found what she was looking for. As soon as she found that protruding numb, she began licking and sucking gently, eliciting strangled moans from the blonde. She listened to Clarke’s reactions, it also helped that Clarke’s fingers were already tangled on her locks, scraping gently on her scalp, urging her to move. When Clarke started to lift her pelvis to Lexa she knew that she needed to move a bit faster. Clarke was setting a rhythm and Lexa was following her, she could feel that Clarke’s legs were already tightening to her head but Clarke moved to part her legs once more as not to smother Lexa. Then, Lexa’s tongue accidently slid onto Clarke’s opening, she could feel the warmth gush out from Clarke. Lexa went back to Clarke’s clit and as soon as she made that last flick of her tongue, Clarke’s movements began to become uncoordinated and she lifted her hips and dropped down immediately. Lexa exactly knew what just happened and she skidded back to Clarke with a smirk on her face.

“Was that any good?” Lexa wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Fuck, Lex. Are you sure you haven’t done this before?” Clarke wanted to punch that haughty look off Lexa’s face.

“Can’t say I haven’t read about it.” Lexa replied smugly. “Just wanted to make sure that your first time isn’t embarrassing or traumatic.”

“It’s your first time too, you know.” Clarke reminded her.

“Okay, we’ll get to that in a while, for the meantime…” Lexa placed a chaste kiss on Clarke’s cheek and Clarke was surprised that Lexa was cupping her mound again.

“It’s my turn now, Lex.” Clarke surged up.

“Wait, I’m not yet done.” Lexa pressed her thumb lightly onto Clarke’s still sensitive bud. Clarke fell back immediately.

“But…” Clarke whimpered.

“Promise, you’ll have your turn.” Lexa whispered to her ear.

With that assurance, Clarke relaxed into Lexa’s touch. Lexa held her close as she began to explore Clarke underneath. Clarke was still amply wet after she came, so Lexa hovered her finger over Clarke’s opening.

“Just stop me if this hurts.” Lexa whispered again.

As soon as her finger was coated with Clarke’s juices, she began it push it into Clarke’s opening. Lexa was penetrating Clarke slowly and carefully, she listened to Clarke’s steady breathing. As soon as Lexa got her entire finger in, Clarke let out a relived breath.

“How is it?” Lexa solicited Clarke’s reaction.

“You can move now, Lex.” Clarke commanded.

Lexa lifted herself up with her left arm, so that she was face to face with Clarke. She began to slide in and out of Clarke slowly at first; she observed Clarke’s reactions. They weren’t talking anymore, they were communicating through their eyes. As Lexa moved in and out of Clarke, she occasionally brushed her thumb across Clarke’s clit. The blonde was breathing through her mouth and she was taking shallow breathes. With Clarke’s prompting, Lexa began to thrust faster and then as Clarke slowly opened up to her, she added another finger. This was slowly driving Clarke towards the edge, and then Lexa began to feel something spongy inside of Clarke. She knew what this spot was, so from her quick thrusting she began to slow down and concentrated on that spot. She proceeded with a _come-hither_ gesture and soon enough Clarke held tighter onto her shoulder, her nails almost breaking skin. Clarke released a soundless whimper; she tried to muffle her screams to Lexa’s shoulder, pulling her close.

“Fuck, Lex.” Clarke moaned to her ear.

As Clarke slumped back to the bed, Lexa withdrew her fingers slowly. Clarke reacted at the loss of touch but Lexa remained there, cupping her mound, calming her down. Beads of sweat trickled on Clarke’s forehead and she was intently looking at Lexa. Lexa was then surprised when Clarke reached out for her wrist and examined her fingers.

“What are you looking for, babe?” Lexa wondered.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.” Clarke breathed out. 

“If you’re looking for blood, you know very well that the breaking of the hymen is a myth? It’s actually just a membrane that surrounds the opening of the vagina without a known biological purpose…” Lexa began to explain.

“Shut up, Lex. I don’t care anymore, I was just curious. I just had the most mind-blowing series of orgasms and you are just babbling about what you read from a medical book.” Clarke retorted.

“Well, for you information, it did help a lot in helping you achieve that series of mind-blowing orgasms.” Lexa quipped.

“You’ll never shut up about this, won’t you?” Clarke flipped them over.

“Make me.” Lexa giggled.

Clarke hovered over Lexa, she placed her left palm over Lexa’s breast, squeezing it softly, and her finger flicked her hardened nipple. Clarke noticed the obvious dampness on Lexa’s underwear, so she removed this unceremoniously with Lexa’s aid. Imitating Lexa’s movements, Clarke cupped Lexa’s mound, feeling that Lexa was clean-shaven underneath.

“You prepared for this, didn’t you?” Clarke chuckled softly.

“I’m a phony, I know, I admit, this was sort of premeditated.” Lexa said.

Clarke moved further below with her fingers and she could feel that Lexa was beyond ready for her. She carefully parted her lips and began coating her fingers with Lexa’s fluids. Clarke moved everywhere, towards Lexa’s inner thighs, her labia and her mound but not where Lexa wants it the most, not yet.

“No more teasing, Clarke.” Lexa pressed.

With those words, Clarke found her clit, she began with circling movements and then she started to wipe her finger against it. This elicited a breathy moan from Lexa. Lexa rubbed herself harder against her, she held on to Clarke’s arm, adding more pressure. Clarke took note of this detail. Lexa was very quiet but Clarke could sense her based on how tightly she shut her eyes, how she wrinkled her face, and how she releases noiseless moans. Without much warning, Clarke felt Lexa stiffen underneath her, Lexa arched her back with her eyes closed, her mouth open in a sensual ‘o’. It was the most mesmerizing sight that Clarke has ever seen. 

“Fuck that was sexy.” Clarke remarked.

Lexa slumped back into bed and pulled Clarke close to her.

“Are you falling asleep, Lex?” Clarke realized.

“Can you hold me for a while?” Lexa snuggled closer towards Clarke.

“Of course,” Clarke responded as she draped her arm across Lexa’s torso. “I thought that you had more endurance than this, you’re the more athletic one.” Clarke joked.

“It was incredible, Clarke, can we bask in this first?” Lexa mumbled.

“Are you going to fall asleep every time you have an orgasm?” Clarke wondered.

“I’m not yet done with you. Just give me five minutes.” Lexa murmured.

“I love you,” Clarke left a trail of soft kisses on Lexa’s face.

“I love you, too.” Lexa opened her eyes once more to look at Clarke’s face and kept this moment to memory. It is done now; they had made themselves completely vulnerable to each other. Whatever the future holds, Lexa would worry about it once it comes. What is important now is that Clarke knows how much she loves her. 

They kept on until sunrise, taking naps in between rounds. As the sun rose, Clarke and Lexa’s bedroom remained locked. The girls in the other room also slept in because they just gossiped until midnight, John slept like a log, and only Monty accompanied Gus to fish for their food.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what else to say, just let me know your thoughts.


	17. Picture of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lex.” Clarke whispered softly, her head was on Lexa’s shoulder; she was cuddled to Lexa’s side.
> 
> “Hmm?” Lexa was almost dozing off as she played with Clarke’s hair.
> 
> “We should talk about college.” Clarke thought their other friends were unaware of their conversation; they were focused on their game.

* * *

Track 17: Picture of You

Song: Picture of You

Artist: Boyzone

Released: 1997

Album: Where We Belong

* * *

Butter was melting in the pan; Lexa drops the last of the pancake batter as she sways her hips to the cheery tune from the radio. Strips of bacon were sizzling in another pan. A fresh pot of coffee stands in the middle of the island counter. It was already lunchtime, yet she was making breakfast. Oddly enough, she was dancing in the kitchen in a pair of dungarees and a wool shirt. She sings to the melody, using the wooden ladle as a microphone.

_Didn't they say that I would make a mistake  
Didn't they say you were gonna be trouble  
People told me you were too much to take  
I could see it, I didn't wanna know_

Gus enters the kitchen; he just finished cleaning the fish that he caught with Monty. He raises an eyebrow observing Lexa’s unusual bizarre behavior.

_I let you in and you let me down  
You messed me up and you turned my life around  
Left me feeling I had nowhere to go_

_I was alone, how was I to know that_

Monty arrives after Gus; he is still dressed in a flannel shirt, jacket, cargo pants, and a bucket hat. He eyes Lexa suspiciously. Gus just leans over the counter and laughs quietly. Lexa notices them and drags Monty by the arm. She cajoles him to join her silly dance routine. Monty just snickers and joins her.

_  
You will be there_

_When I needed somebody  
You will be there  
The only one could help me_

A groggy Niylah walks into the scene, wearing an over-sized sleep shirt and thermal leggings, her hair still disheveled. She jolts awake at the rare scene at the kitchen. Lexa twirls Monty around, he gets dizzy and they cackle as they hold on to each other, preventing the other from falling down. Soon, Lexa turns back to the pancake and flips it effortlessly.

_  
I had a picture of you in my mind_

_Never knew it could be so wrong  
Why'd it take me so long just to find?_

_The friend that was there all along_

“What is happening here?” John strolled in rubbing his eyes, still in his pajamas. 

“I have no idea; I just walked in to that.” Gus laughs as he pours himself a cup of coffee. “C’mon Monty, we have a turkey to catch.” Gus motions for Monty to follow.

“Don’t worry, Mont, I’ll save some bacon for you.” Lexa called after Monty as he trailed after Gus.

The Murphy twins observed Lexa in deep contemplation. 

“Something is up.” John crossed his arms over his chest.

Suddenly an idea shot through Niylah’s brain. “Oh my gosh, you didn’t! You didn’t just do it on your first night!” The last sentence was spoken in a whisper as she approached Lexa.

“I guess someone is doing laundry today and it’s definitely not Gus!” John exclaimed.

“I don’t kiss and tell.” Lexa remarks with a smirk as she transfers the pancake into a stack that she was building.

“You did not just kiss, Lex.” John snickered.

“Alexandria Woods! You did not just lose you V-card to Griffin!” Niylah blurted out.

Lexa suddenly turned and cupped Niylah’s mouth. “Can you be any louder? She might hear you!” Lexa chided.

“Hell yeah! Our house just became a historical landmark!” John ran towards Lexa and scooped her up, spinning her around the kitchen. “I’m so proud of you!” He peppered Lexa’s cheeks with kisses.

“Put me down, Murphy! You’re disgusting!” Lexa wiped her cheeks as John sets her down. “I did not confirm anything.”

“Neither did you deny anything. Pay up, Niy!” John jibed at his sister. “My baby girl is all grown up!” John faked wiping tears from his eyes.

“What the hell! You’re still betting on us?” Lexa reacted.

“What? It’s a running bet, maybe until our godchildren are born.” John wisecracked.

“I didn’t know you believed in God.” Lexa quipped.

“I don’t have any cash on me now, I’ll pay you later.” Niylah huffed.

“I’m 100 dollars richer!” John danced around.

“What the heck? My virginity just cost a hundred?” Lexa flicked a piece of bacon towards John’s face.

“Hey, food waste!” John picked up the bacon that landed on his chest and began to nibble on it.

“I’m just so proud of you!” Niylah pulls Lexa close and landed a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“So, proud of what?”

The trio jolted from their excitement, Lexa froze at sound of the familiar hoarse voice. Clarke entered the kitchen, her hair in a messy bun, her glasses framing her bleary eyes. She is wearing one of Lexa’s sweaters.

“Proud of you, too!” Niylah kissed her on the forehead as Clarke settled herself in one of the leather barstools by the kitchen island. Niylah walked by carrying a plate full of bacon toward the dining table, munching on a piece as she hummed. 

“You sit funny, Griff.” John teased as he passed by Clarke with the platter of pancakes. Clarke suddenly blushed at the remark; she thinks she already knows what John is talking about.

This comment earned John a smack on his shoulder from Lexa. “Hey, not cool, dude.” Lexa scolded.

“Your secret is safe with us.” John winked at Clarke.

“I’m so sorry, babe. You know them.” Lexa walked towards Clarke utterly embarrassed about their friends.

“Did they hear?” Clarke whispered timidly.

“Huh?” Lexa was thunderstruck.

“Last night.” Clarke clarified. 

“No, I don’t think so.” Lexa realized what she was asking. “It’s just I think I’m that transparent around them. They just saw right through me. I think that the glow people refer to is true.” Lexa wondered. “Shit, I’m really so sorry, I swear I did not say anything.” Lexa gestured zipping her lips. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Clarke sighed. “I don’t mind, it’s just friendly banter.” She rested her chin on her hand.

“Do you feel uncomfortable about them knowing?” Lexa pronounced apologetically. “Because you need to get used to it. They pry at every detail about my life.”

“It’s good, it’s just kind of weird, unusual for me but somehow, some part of me wants to be smug about it. I would like to brag about being with you if only around our friends. Is that bad?” Clarke asked sheepishly.

Lexa felt giddy about what Clarke had just said. “I like that,” Lexa placed a chaste kiss on Clarke’s lips. “I like showing you off.” She beamed. “Hopefully, to everyone else soon.” She added with confidence. 

* * *

“So, is this the part when we should say what we are thankful for?” Monty eyed the food at the table.

Gustus had outdone himself this year, just in time for dinner; an assortment of food was already laid out on the wide timber table in the middle of the living room. The roasted turkey sat beside a plate of pan-roasted winter vegetables. There was some potato gratin and roasted carrot and chestnut soup. Harper was kind enough to make an old-fashioned apple pie based off her dads’ recipe. In addition, Gustus served the baked stuffed cod that Monty caught that morning.

“I’m not much into tradition especially something that’s subject to racial reckoning but I should say that I’m thankful for this dead turkey and fish, their death will not go to vain.” Anya blatantly said.

“Well said babe, well said.” Niylah patted her girlfriend’s back.

“I guess I can go first,” Harper volunteered. “Like I usually say, dear family of mine, thank you for this day, thank you for each other, thank you for making this day what it is and thank you for all of you just being you! Happy Thanksgiving!” Harper cheered.

Monty looked at John. “What? I’m not into speeches. You can make one for us, bud.” John urged Monty. 

“Okay,” Monty cleared his throat. “The Road goes ever on and on. Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone and I must follow, if I can. Pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins some larger way where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say.” Monty bowed. “J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings.” He finished with a deep voice. “Thank you for your friendship.” 

Clarke just chuckled across him, seemingly familiar with the material. Lexa just stared blankly at Clarke. The twins exchanged amused looks. Harper was clapping animatedly. Anya just shrugged her shoulders.

“Where did you get this one? He’s a charmer!” Gustus pointed out. Everyone else laughed.

“How about you, Clarkey? What are you thankful for?” Monty pressed.

“Well, this year had been eventful, some things remained constant…” She looked at Monty and then Harper. “Other things came as a surprise…” She regarded the twins, Anya and Gus. “But I guess the best things actually come when you least expect them. I’m just thankful for everyone in this table and how we have come together despite our differences.” Clarke beamed. “Your turn, babe.” Clarke elbowed Lexa to take all the attention away from her.

“Okay,” Lexa took a deep breath still recovering from Clarke’s words. “I guess I’m just thankful for acceptance and understanding despite everything not being perfect. That we have learned to accept things as they are and grow to see things how they should be. That despite what life throws at us, there are those who stick around and help make things bearable. That we sit around this table because we chose to be here, not because we have to.” Lexa struggled with her words.

After Lexa’s short speech, Gustus stood up and enveloped her in a tight hug, lifting Lexa halfway from her seat. “I’m just thankful that you kids choose to be here in the past few years.” He turned to everyone as soon as he set Lexa back to her chair. “You’ll all be going away for college next year and…” Gustus’ eyes were glassy; he could not finish his words.

“What are you talking about, Gus? This is tradition, we’ll come home.” Niylah reassured.

“No, it’s not that; don’t sacrifice anything on my behalf. You kids will build your own families, your own homes someday; you just have to do well at it.” Gus responded with a shaky voice. “At least, promise me that.” 

“Aww Gus, you should not make me cry.” John stood up instantly and hugged Gus. The others followed.

“Enough about that now, the food is getting cold!” Gus declared as they all went back to their seats. “Dig in!”

* * *

Gus had already returned to his cabin after dinner, leaving the group without adult supervision. They were all huddled at the basement. Anya, John, and Niylah were teaching Monty how to play pool; Harper was looking on. Clarke and Lexa were nestled on the Chesterfield sofa facing the pool table, wine bottles and glasses were lined up on the sideboard and coffee table next to the sofa.

“Lex.” Clarke whispered softly, her head was on Lexa’s shoulder; she was cuddled to Lexa’s side.

“Hmm?” Lexa was almost dozing off as she played with Clarke’s hair.

“We should talk about college.” Clarke thought their other friends were unaware of their conversation; they were focused on their game. Their dialogue was drowned by the sound of clicking balls and the occasional banter and cheering of their friends.

“Now?” Clarke caught Lexa’s attention.

“I mean, not right now, maybe when we get back. I mean what’s our plan?” Clarke pondered, seemingly engrossed at examining her fingernails.

“I haven’t heard from the schools yet.” Lexa mumbled.

“No, I mean will you just follow your mother’s wishes or will you consider what you really want.” Clarke moved to look at Lexa.

“Honestly, I don’t really know.” Lexa realized that she haven’t really thought about it. She applied to programs that she wanted but usually she allows Indra to overrule her decisions. “Can we not talk about it? It’s a downer.” Lexa’s expression soured.

Clarke frowned, showing her displeasure but she decided to drop the subject. “Okay.”

Sooner or later they would need to talk about it, they left the topic hanging and it has been taking a toll on Clarke. _What will happen to them in the future? Will they make it? Should they end it? Will they survive?_ Everything seems to be turning out well that she feels like there’s a storm brewing. Something that would probably destroy everything in their path. Clarke was having a headache just thinking about it.

“We'll talk Clarke, I promise.” Lexa saw the frustration in Clarke’s eyes. “Just please not now.” She added.

“Okay.” Clarke deadpanned. Lexa knew that the one-worded answers were not a good sign.

They lay on the couch in silence, they were next to each other but Lexa felt that Clarke’s thoughts had brought her too far away.

She was about to say something to cheer Clarke up when Gustus suddenly came barging into the basement. He almost stumbled in his steps and he was catching his breath before he spoke.

“Lexa, your mother called, you need to get home immediately!”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update to complete the three-part Thanksgiving weekend. There's a bit of a cliffhanger here, you can always make a guess! Thank you for reading.


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